Thursday, August 05, 2004

DowN n OuT

U noe ppl tend 2 ask hw can such a thing called 'love' hurt so much...its a common qns i noe...e thing is...love hurts....its e truth...no pain in love is not love...
U see, its cuz wen u luv sumone, u tend 2 want them 2 be happy...so u tend 2 make sacrifices for dem...n wen u make sacrifice, u will get hurt...cuz e meaning of sacrifice is actually doin smth painfull 2 urself for e happiness of others...so u see where e pain part cums in? But 2 me, e most painful part of luv is not knowin wen its true...how can we ever now we've found it?? N is it worth e pain we go thru 2 find it? Im startin 2 doubt it...All e uncertainty is killing me lah...sick n tired of it...I guess im kinda down n...im not sure abt e out part yet...but i dun tink im tat far...'AKAN DATANG' Hmmm....every day i wake up n i try my bez 2 be happy...and lyk always, i fail. I guess i'll always be a failure... Can't even keep a band together. N many ppl noe how much tym n effort i put in tat...

My only achivement so far, 5th in class in pri 5(25th in e whole level), a prize in pri 6 for readin e most number of books in e level, top in accounts in my 2nd year of sec 3, top in class for 2 common test n 5th in class for both final n mid yr exams in 2nd yr of sec 3 too, perform during teachers day in sec 4 n juz reccently, perform in the tapestry gig. Pathatic huh? N all tat i tink i can sum up as lucky except for a few...i mean wats so hard abt readin books? anyone can do it... Apart frm those mentioned above, i screw up in wateva i do. Gotta buff up man...gotta get stronger...

Ppl advise me not 2 think abt stuff too much, dun read into ppl's actions too much. But how can i not? Yah sure i noe ignorance is bliss but the last tym i brush stuff aside, i end up hurting one of my closest fren...i dowan tat 2 happen again...
Tym changes things, ppl change. Best frens can becum strangers. If so, y is it so hard for me 2 change? C'mon shad, buck up, be strong! Emotions onli make u weak. Push dem away man...u dun get tat much hapi emotions anyway...shut dem out man...

Well tats me...a born loser...dun be tricked by how hapi i look everyday...ppl may not tink so but i tink i can act well...but no matter wat i guess i'll always be ok. So pls, to those hu read tis, dun ask. Juz dun ask...i'm ok, i'm always ok...

Shad checked in on...Thursday, August 05, 2004