*....faCtS....*

SuMtin BouT Me...
NaMe: Shad...
AgE: Too Old To BoThEr, Too Young To CaRe
JoB sTaTuS: CuRRenTlY SeRv|nG ThE NaTioN
d.O.b: 31sT SePt 1984
EmaiL oR Add Me oN FreNsTeR oR Hi5: matgile05@yahoo.com.sg
Add Me iF U WaNt oN MsN: matgile05@hotmail.com

*...Tellement pour dire, mots tellement petits...*

*...HaTeS...*

Paranoia
Blasphemy
War
Pretenders
Maths & Java

*...FaVs...*

Songs: Too Many Too Mention
Movies: Remember The Titans!!! The Man Who Knew Too Little
Supports: Newcastle United, England, Denmark, Chezch Republic, Juventus

*...PHoToS...*

-Fidz Chalet 2oo4-
-Raya wif NYP Peeps 2oo4-
-Raya wif The Guys 2oo4-
-KL Trip wif The Guys 2oo4-
-Sending Maryam off/Azie's openhse-
-My Family's Batam Trip-

*...LinKSs...*

-StArHuB-
-YaHo0!-
-MiNiCLiP-
-WwE-
-SoCCeRNeT-
-NUFC-
-NYP-
-SIT-
-BaRaFRanCa-

*...LinKSs 4 FreNs...*

Amal
Ariff
Ayu
Azie
Cheryl
Elfirah
Fadillah
Fana
Geannie
Hafiz
Hafiidz
Jian Yong
KaiTing
Lionel
Minah
Michelle
Nadiah
Nes
Paul Mcfly
Rab|a
Shikin
Siti
Sofian
TKCK
Yana
Zuli


*ArChIvEs*

  • July 2004
  • August 2004
  • September 2004
  • October 2004
  • November 2004
  • December 2004
  • January 2005
  • February 2005
  • March 2005
  • April 2005
  • May 2005
  • June 2005
  • July 2005
  • August 2005
  • September 2005
  • November 2005
  • December 2005
  • January 2006
  • February 2006
  • March 2006
  • April 2006
  • July 2006
  • November 2006
  • March 2007
  • April 2007
  • May 2007
  • June 2007
  • July 2007
  • August 2007
  • December 2007
  • January 2008

  • **





    Wednesday, February 23, 2005



    Everything sucks when u'r gone.....



    A great song by mxpx....shd listen....


    Everything Sucks by MxPx

    All I ever needed was to eat popcorn with you,
    Come on over,
    Watch the late show,
    Stay up talking until two

    Today's the day you're leaving,
    And tomorrow you'll be gone
    You're in my heart and on my mind,
    I will bring you along

    Everything sucks when you're gone,
    Everything sucks when you're gone

    A dream of our reunion makes me crazy just to think,
    How so very far away you are,
    My hope begins to sink

    Today's the day you're leaving,
    And tomorrow you'll be gone
    You're in my heart and on my mind,
    I will bring you along

    Everything sucks when you're gone,
    Everything sucks when you're gone

    It's not ok,
    I've baked dinner here for two,
    And it's not ok,
    I've got candles lit for you,
    And It's not ok,
    I've got you're favorite records out,
    And it's not ok,
    You should have let it be,
    And ran after me

    Today's the day you're leaving,
    And tomorrow you'll be gone
    You're in my heart and on my mind,
    I will bring you along

    Everything sucks when you're gone,
    (I want you! I need you!)
    Everything sucks when you're gone
    (I want you! I need you!) [x2]




    Shad checked in on...Wednesday, February 23, 2005




    Tuesday, February 22, 2005



    Rumours....



    Do i look lyk the kinda guy hu wld spread rumours for no reason...?
    Yah sure i do stretch the truth sometyms, but everyone noes tat im juz joking wen i do tat...haiz...duno lah....sumtyms im juz sick n tired to correct ppl...sick n tired 2 show ppl hu i really am...coz sumtyms, ppl r juz plain blind...i dun care no more....niways....duno y suddenly tink of this song...stuck in my head i guess....

    Broken Hearted by MxPx
    I’m broken hearted, broken hearted for you
    So don’t get me started on repairs
    I know what you’re gonna do
    You’ll break it again
    I know I can’t win
    You’ll just break my heart again

    You chose the words you knew would make me cry
    You prolly done it to a hundred guys
    I’m not cryin’, I got somethin’ in my eyes
    You said you never really felt a thing
    You said you didn’t like the way I sing
    I’m not cryin’, but my eyes they really sting

    I’m broken hearted, broken hearted for you
    So don’t get me started on repairs
    I know what you’re gonna do
    You’ll break it again
    I know I can’t win
    You’ll just break my heart again

    You slapped my face before you said goodbye
    Called me a loser, hopin’ I would die
    I’m not cryin’, I got somethin’ in my eye
    You said you never really felt a thing
    You said you didn’t like the way I sing
    I’m not cryin’, but my eyes they really sting

    I’m broken hearted, broken hearted for you
    So don’t get me started on repairs
    I know what you’re gonna do
    You’ll break it again
    I know I can’t win
    You’ll just break my heart again


    Shad checked in on...Tuesday, February 22, 2005




    Sunday, February 20, 2005



    DoWn N OuT



    Been trying to make a song out of this...duno y i tink tat it will be a gd title for a song....so finally i created something...but so far only the chorus...so juz 1 2 put down here so i dun forget it....

    DoWn N OuT by me....

    Down n out is juz a way,
    To describe my lyf in a perfect way,
    In a perfect world, in a perfect day,
    Its juz a shame its a perfect waste,

    Down n out is juz a phrase,
    To describe my lyf in a different place,
    In a different world, in a different taste,
    Its juz a shame i have to see my face...

    PS-tats it for now...hmm...suddenly i got back to writing music, guess if i whine abt smth long enuf, i juz mite get wat i want....yeah rite~


    Shad checked in on...Sunday, February 20, 2005




    Friday, February 18, 2005



    Whr R U....?



    Came home from sch ard 10 last nite n was instantly forced to play my guitar by my sis fren who came to visit. She wanted a demo coz the last tym i met her, i din noe how to play the guitar...tat was abt 3 yrs ago. Duno wats up wif her lah...she somehow get along well wif me...mebi its coz she share the same birthdate wif me(diff yr onli)...hmm...so i kinda willingly played coz long tym neva play guitar but reluctantly coz was forced to...n somehow even wen she went hm i juz continued playing...n i started writing a song...n i juz completed it juz now...but of course this is juz the first draft. Still need to fine tune it n stuff....its been a long tym since i completed any song so im glad that i finally able to do it again...The title is 'Where Are You?' duno whr i got the sudden inspiration oso...well here it is....hope ppl will lyk tis too...

    Whr R U? by Shad(and hopefully LTOR)

    There are so many things that i wld lyk to say to u,
    But all these walls are juz to high,
    I wander out at nite to tink abt my tyms wif u,
    But all i have r juz my dreams,

    Your laughter always seem to put a smile rite on my face,
    I wish that i cld do the same for u,
    I want to hold u up and give u everything u want,
    So let me take u to a place,

    Where all my dreams can be replaced,
    Without wax to reality......but i need to noe,

    Whr r u,
    Standing in my lyf today,
    Am i juz a fren,
    Or am i the man that cld hold ur hand, and i,
    I need u,
    To make it clear to me,
    Coz im juz a fool,
    Juz a blind old fool who's ready for u again,

    I wish that i cld read ur mind n have the answer to,
    All of these qns that r in my head,
    All of the courage that i have is neva gd enuf,
    I wonder why am i so scared,

    I guess ur frenship is one thing that i'm afraid to lose,
    If things dun go the way i want it to,
    So here i am in front u n begging on my knees,
    Juz let me take u to a place,

    Where all my dreams will be replaced,
    Without wax into reality....but i need to noe,

    Whr r u,
    Standing in my lyf today,
    Am i a fren,
    Or am i the man that cld hold ur hand, and i,
    I need u,
    To make it clear to me,
    Coz im juz a fool,
    Juz a blind old fool who's ready for u again,

    I wonder wen will i be happy again,
    I ponder wat mite happen if i were ur 'fren',
    I dream of all gd things n i wish that u were mine...
    N i swear, i wun let u down,
    Yeah i wun let u down,
    No i wun let u down.....but i need to now,

    Whr r u,
    Standing in my lyf today,
    Am i a fren,
    Or am i the man that cld hold ur hand, and i,
    I need u,
    To make it clear to me,
    Coz im juz a fool,
    Juz a blind old fool who's ready for u again,



    Shad checked in on...Friday, February 18, 2005




    Wednesday, February 16, 2005



    Decisions...



    Its funny how the decision we make in life changes us as a person. I wish i cld be the person who i was. Not caring wat ppl think. Not caring abt wat ppl think i cant do. Not being such a weakling. I wish i cld be as strong as i use too. I wish i cld always pick myself up lyk i was always able too. It feels so painful to know that i will always be a shadow of who i use to be. I want my life back....I dun lyk who i am now. Im juz to weak now. Juz so useless. Juz a robot to convenience. Juz so indiscipline. Juz so...i duno....

    What's wif this place called wlds...went there yesterday, n i was walking trying hard to smile wen deep inside feeling so down n out, i juz felt lyk i was walking thru memory lane....yah i claim that Toa Payoh is whr i grow up. Bedok is whr i stay...but i seldom mention wlds wen i tok abt my lyf...so many memories there...well, before i stayed in Toa Payoh, i stayed there...cant say it was an enjoyable stay tho...my tym there was so bad that i hardly remember anything abt my hse...all my childhood memories abt wlds is juz so foggy...but wen i say its lyk walking down memory lane, im not talking abt my childhood...im talking abt the tyms i spent there as a teenager....

    Its the place whr i first met the person who i can say kick started my so called music 'career', its the place whr i spent so many memories wif a certain sumone who used to be mine, its whr my ex-band used to jam when we were at our 'peak', its whr i got back wif a certain sumone who used to be mine, its whr i spent tym wif my late aunt n cuzins, its whr i spent tym wif my adopted family who i have since lost contact wif, its whr a certain sumone who used to be mine got jelez wen she tot i was flirtin wif her fren wen i was actually doin smth for her, well u get wat i mean. Many things have happened to me there.

    Well u may have now noticed tat this is juz a random entry of how im feeling now...

    Things at home r getting worst...i juz getting fed up wif things now...why must they juz depend on my mum n me? Y cant the others be more useful? WHY?! WHY!? WHY?! ARGHHH!!!!!!! FUCK!!! i juz wish i cld get out of this place....i juz wish i cld escape all this responsibilty...yah sure im have to take the responsibilty coz im next in line after my dad n all but that doesnt mean the cant help me out rite....!!!!!! I am after all juz human. FUCK LAH!!!!! Juz need a break from all these....WHR IS MY REST? WHR IS MY PEACE? WHR R U....?


    N my band...damn...wat happen to me? why cant i write anymore songs...? What happen to the person who wrote songs tat at the very least, liked by most of my frens? What happened to WASTED LOVE, WHY, HALFWAY DOWN THE LINE, I WONDER, LOVE IS BLIND????? Whoever put tis wall in my head pls juz TAKE IT OUT!!!!!!!! I want my so called 'gift' back...yah so wat if it wasnt gd...at least i cld still write songs beck den....wat happen to me now? JUZ A DAMN USELESS FUCK!!!!!!

    I JUZ OUT!!!!!!


    Shad checked in on...Wednesday, February 16, 2005




    Friday, February 11, 2005



    Love is Blind



    This is one of my own songs, started writing it in late 2003 n completed it in early-mid 2004...but my band have just only started playin it. So far, comments from those who have heard it has been encouraging...this is one of my few songs that i really put in alot of personal tots. Some may not understand it but i wont chg the lyrics coz every line, every pause, every word, every chorus, every verse n every note means alot to me...really concentrated alot of tym to write this...for those who understand it, will understand y.

    Love Is Blind by Shad/Left Turn On Red(LTOR)

    It took me quite a while to let it go n juz move on,
    I turned ard n saw a fren n now im falling down,
    But is it wrong for me to love her(wif all my heart)
    But is it wrong for me to care.....

    If love is blind, y is her face so clear to me,
    If love is blind, y does her beauty takes my breath away,
    If love is blind, i'll take a go....

    No one really understands the pain i fell inside of me,
    No one really seem to care abt the lonliness i came to noe,
    Why do u walk ard wif another guy(it hurts me so)
    What if i told u that i care....

    If love is blind, y is her face so clear to me,
    If love is blind, y does her beauty takes my breath away,
    It hurts me so juz to see u everyday wif him,
    If love is blind, i'll take a go....

    Seeing u wif him is hurt enuf to last a lyf tym,
    My onli other love is gone, no tym for rewind,
    What abt those tyms we spent together(talking on the fone),
    What abt those tyms we spent together(looking at the moment),
    What abt those tyms we spent together(having fun alone)
    What abt those tyms we spent alone....

    It took me quite a while to let it go n juz move on,
    I turned ard n saw a fren n now im falling down,
    But is it wrong for me to love her(wif all my heart),
    What if i told u that i care.....

    If love is blind, y is her face so clear to me,
    If love is blind, y does her beauty takes my breath away,
    It hurts me so juz to see u everyday wif him,
    If love is blind, i'll take a go...


    PS:Well i guess the msg in this song is clear, if love really is blind, i wld tak a go....


    Shad checked in on...Friday, February 11, 2005








    Weak



    Duno y suddenly feel so weak...got alot on my mind....hands r shaking for no reason...feel lyk im gonna fall...my limbs feel shaky...God help me....


    Shad checked in on...Friday, February 11, 2005




    Thursday, February 10, 2005



    I hope you had the time of your life



    Good Ridance(Tym of ur Lyf) by Green Day

    Another turning point, a fork stuck in the road
    Time grabs you by the wrist, directs you where to go
    So make the best of this test, and don't ask why
    It's not a question, but a lesson learned in time
    It's something unpredictable, but in the end is right
    I hope you had the time of your life

    So take the photographs, and still frames in your mind
    Hang it on a shelf in good health and good time
    Tattoos of memories and dead skin on trial
    For what it´s worth, it was worth all the while
    It´s something unpredictable, but in the end is right
    I hope you had the time of your life.

    It´s something unpredictable, but in the end is right
    I hope you had the time of your life.
    It´s something unpredictable, but in the end is right
    I hope you had the time of your life



    Shad checked in on...Thursday, February 10, 2005




    Wednesday, February 09, 2005



    RuLeZ R MeAnT 2 Be BrOkEn....



    I've always had mixed feelings abt this...i always tot tat it's always better to follow the rules...i know most of u will be laffing wen u read tis but yah, i was an innocent person once...

    Well, from my experience in da hospital the past week or so, i've been breaking all sorts of hospital rules, especially the visiting hours rule....just to give u ppl an idea of what have happened, i'll give u one situation: One the nite my dad was warded, i already had plans to overnite wif fadhly n ahmad n so i had the guitar wif me...so wen my mum called, the guitar was brought along....so imagine i was playing in the patients lounge at 3 4 plus in the morning...hahahaha

    niways, guess i finally decide tat sometyms, rules are meant to be broken....


    Shad checked in on...Wednesday, February 09, 2005




    Monday, February 07, 2005



    Good News



    Got good news today, but first i like to say thx to all my frens n family for giving me n my family support during this tym....

    Aniways, u all noe tat my dad is in the hosp, n i've been worrying tat he may lose his job n all....well the thing is, his boss called us this morning to assure us tat his job is safe n tat their doors are always open to him....they even came to visit him after work....

    And later on, the doc who did the op came to visit my dad n was quite surprise tat my dad cld move his legs n toes without much pain....at this rate, he predicts tat my dad can go hm by the end of the week....

    Well yah, after the way things have happen for the past few weeks, im glad to finally receive some gd news....

    Thank You GOD!


    Shad checked in on...Monday, February 07, 2005




    Saturday, February 05, 2005



    Friday 4th Feb, a day to forget, a life to regret....



    Haiz...been very restless since last thursday night. Din noe y...juz din fell gd...felt lyk smth bad was gg to happen...was very nervy n jumpy n impatient...haiz...fadhly wanted the TKCK grp to go exploring again...n i turn it down..din had the mood to do it...but i wanted to slack outside...had a very uneasy feeling...so we slacked at pasir ris....den the call came...my mum called to tell me my dad was involved in an accident...n i quickly rushed to the hosp....it was oredi 12+ gg to 1...n fadhly and ahmad volunteered to follow me even tho i told dem to juz go on without me....so in the end the 3 of us slacked at the hospital...waiting for my dad's operation....

    For those who 1 2 know abt my dad's condition, well, 3 different parts of his right leg is broken. Below the hip, above the knee and at the heel....his left hand was dislocated...his right hand is bruised...according to the doc, the damage above the knee is the worst...they r worried he wld lose a lot of blood during the operation...he went in the sugery room ard 11+ tis morn...doc said it wld take abt 5-6 hrs....rite now i duno the condition yet...din slp yest....was awake at the hosp waiting for the op....went home ard 3 n slpt for abt 3 hrs...den went online....duno for wat actually...lately i've been like a lost soul....always searching for....nvm....well...got to get gg for now, gotta overnite at the hosp in case of any emergency...another sleepless nite i guess....tis tym alone....

    Damn, gotta go find a job....Shit really do happens....


    Shad checked in on...Saturday, February 05, 2005




    Tuesday, February 01, 2005



    You'll never know the feeling of my bleeding heart



    Room 19 by NUFAN

    it's been so long since you've been here, and i'm dying
    is there something you would like to say?
    just drop the present on the shelf, by the flowers
    and make the feeling go away

    looking back i can't recall, who was listening
    when i used to walk the streets at night
    like a bird that used to sing, i was flying
    i was happy all the time, and it's hard to look back

    better days and different ways i can't explain
    another song to sing it all was simplified
    don't know what it's about, what have i learned
    to live without? it takes a day to live a life

    i can't believe the way the world is so different
    look what the lines in my face have made
    living in my bed i'm right next to the road
    the one that goes the other way, takes me to a different place

    did you know, that i was just as young as you
    i had a job, a home, a family, and a car
    did you say that yesterday or just right now?
    you'll never know the feeling of my bleeding heart
    did you say that yesterday or just right now?
    you'll never know the feeling of my bleeding heart


    Shad:I like the last line of this song...n i really feel it now...duno how to explain ah....no one really knows how badly other ppl's hearts r bleeding even by their small actions....yeah i feel pain now due to some things that others may consider nuthing....but i wonder if i have done things that r hurting ppl rite now unknowingly....


    Shad checked in on...Tuesday, February 01, 2005