Wednesday, February 16, 2005

Decisions...

Its funny how the decision we make in life changes us as a person. I wish i cld be the person who i was. Not caring wat ppl think. Not caring abt wat ppl think i cant do. Not being such a weakling. I wish i cld be as strong as i use too. I wish i cld always pick myself up lyk i was always able too. It feels so painful to know that i will always be a shadow of who i use to be. I want my life back....I dun lyk who i am now. Im juz to weak now. Juz so useless. Juz a robot to convenience. Juz so indiscipline. Juz so...i duno....

What's wif this place called wlds...went there yesterday, n i was walking trying hard to smile wen deep inside feeling so down n out, i juz felt lyk i was walking thru memory lane....yah i claim that Toa Payoh is whr i grow up. Bedok is whr i stay...but i seldom mention wlds wen i tok abt my lyf...so many memories there...well, before i stayed in Toa Payoh, i stayed there...cant say it was an enjoyable stay tho...my tym there was so bad that i hardly remember anything abt my hse...all my childhood memories abt wlds is juz so foggy...but wen i say its lyk walking down memory lane, im not talking abt my childhood...im talking abt the tyms i spent there as a teenager....

Its the place whr i first met the person who i can say kick started my so called music 'career', its the place whr i spent so many memories wif a certain sumone who used to be mine, its whr my ex-band used to jam when we were at our 'peak', its whr i got back wif a certain sumone who used to be mine, its whr i spent tym wif my late aunt n cuzins, its whr i spent tym wif my adopted family who i have since lost contact wif, its whr a certain sumone who used to be mine got jelez wen she tot i was flirtin wif her fren wen i was actually doin smth for her, well u get wat i mean. Many things have happened to me there.

Well u may have now noticed tat this is juz a random entry of how im feeling now...

Things at home r getting worst...i juz getting fed up wif things now...why must they juz depend on my mum n me? Y cant the others be more useful? WHY?! WHY!? WHY?! ARGHHH!!!!!!! FUCK!!! i juz wish i cld get out of this place....i juz wish i cld escape all this responsibilty...yah sure im have to take the responsibilty coz im next in line after my dad n all but that doesnt mean the cant help me out rite....!!!!!! I am after all juz human. FUCK LAH!!!!! Juz need a break from all these....WHR IS MY REST? WHR IS MY PEACE? WHR R U....?


N my band...damn...wat happen to me? why cant i write anymore songs...? What happen to the person who wrote songs tat at the very least, liked by most of my frens? What happened to WASTED LOVE, WHY, HALFWAY DOWN THE LINE, I WONDER, LOVE IS BLIND????? Whoever put tis wall in my head pls juz TAKE IT OUT!!!!!!!! I want my so called 'gift' back...yah so wat if it wasnt gd...at least i cld still write songs beck den....wat happen to me now? JUZ A DAMN USELESS FUCK!!!!!!

I JUZ OUT!!!!!!

Shad checked in on...Wednesday, February 16, 2005