Thursday, March 31, 2005

Tired

In life, there seem to be so many question that we, as human, want answers to. Questions about the future, the past, our love, our luck, our fate. No matter how many different ways we can phrase them in, they're still the same old few questions. Even i always ask myself those questions. And when the desire for the answers become too much to handle, i turn to my frens and vice versa. But lately, even though i still want those answers, im gettin tired of searching for them or answering them for my frens.

Dun get me wrong here, it's not that i dowan 2 help my frens or myself for tat matter, its juz tat my mind been kinda blank lately...In fact, i notice that nowadays, i seldom seem to be able to help my frens wif those question...mebi coz im afraid to answer those questions. Or mebi im a fraid of onli one of those question.

Yah tats it, onli one. But one that can be phrased in so many different ways. And that question is, "What do i do after this?" This can be rephrased according to my moods...For example, "How do i go on?", "What's gonna happen after this?", "Where do i go after this?", "Can i really go on?" "Can i survive adulthood(or whateva age that comes after this)?" Honestly, im really afraid of this question. Y? Coz i can never seem to answer it. Yet im still ard....thats the problem. Even though i have answer the question so many tyms, i never seem to be able to remember how i did it. But i do have one theory, and that is my frens.

Yup, i've got to hand the credit to my frens for helping me get thru life so far...but i still fear that one question. Coz now, i realise, i dun have that many frens anymore.

I miss those days wen i always go out in big grps. And ppl always calling my hp for chats or juz do some catching up....yah sure i got scoldings from my mum coz of the high fone bill, so i got a hp wif free incoming calls and the chats continued and so did my frenship to so mny ppl....

But den what happened? I really duno....suddenly, what used to be a luxury to me now seem so scarce. i've lost contact wif so many of my frens or became distant to those who were close to me once...so what happened? Did i chg? Have i become so bad that it seems hard for me to hold on to my frens? I duno....but i wish i have the answers....

And even wif the small number of frens tat i have now, it seem that its gonna get smaller coz they're fighting amg themselves for stupid reasons....Everywhr i turn i see arguments n fights n lies....What is this world comin too....?

And now, i still have that free incomin calls hp line but my hp hardly makes anysound at all. N to be truthful, it worries me sometmys. So much so that sometyms for no reason, i will juz start playing my ring tones so that i noe my fone is still working...haha U noe wat, the onli person who seem to want to call me nowdays is fizah...and hamimah asked me to take down her number...she din even get the hint tat i gave tat said i din want it...she juz went ahead n stored it in my phonebk...haha wonder wat's lyf is comin to....

Shad checked in on...Thursday, March 31, 2005