Wednesday, May 11, 2005
Missive
A fren once said to me that she thinks that i act tough on the outside....i din noe i act tough....haha i never did try...so mebi i do look tough emotionally on the outside haha...mebi...
So i start to ponder, wats wrong wif being emo? Ppl treat it lyk its some kind of a curse...i mean, we are all humans. Wats so uncool abt that??? Box Car Racers was labelled 'The Emo side of Blink 182'...well, due to the many things that i think have been left unsaid, i'm going to write a letter, a letter showing the emo side of me....
*Note: All the facts below, may or may not be true. Names or nicknames have been changed to protect the identity of the person. If by in anyway the situation described below is simmilar to yours or fammiliar, then thats your problem cause this may or may not be true about me.....
MISSIVE
Dear Nabs,
how are you? Did i greet you right cause a fren once told me that this is the way to greet people. I would have believe him if he hadn't blurt out so many nonsense.
So anyways, its been a long time since we interfaced, well, actually it may not feel that long to you. Sure we do talk thanks to the many wonders of modern technology but i guess it can never be the same, i mean, your presence kind of make the big difference. I duno wat it is but somehow i feel happy when i'm around you, no matter how many butterflies get into my stomach everytym before we meet...
Yes, did you know that, i do get nervous when i'm about tp meet you but the moment i see you, all those butterflies dissapear and happiness sinks in. Yah i know you may not feel the same way, In fact, that's the reason why i wrote this letter.
It's obvious, i guess, to me especially that you don't feel the same way as i do. I know you don't look foward to the prospect of meeting me as much as i do to meeting you. I know you don't think of me as much as i think of you when we're not around each other. I guess i knew this a long time ago and i was just being in denial, being my own stubborn self, always dreaming.
But dreams are good aren't they? Well at least those countless dreams i have about you makes me smile. And smiling means that i'm happy right? And being happy is good right? I guess so...Well, as i said before, that's what i want for you.
I'm not really sure about this, but somehow i feel that you're with someone know or that maybe, you like someone. But what i'm sure of, is that i'm not the one you think of and although it hurts, i guess it's ok. I mean, i can't force you. Things like this can't be forced. And i don't blame you either.
To be truthful, i know i have nothing good to offer to you. Yah sure i hoped and prayed that i could go out with you, you know just hanging out or stuff like that. But somehow i can't envisage you accepting an offer to spent time with me. Yet foolishly, i find excuses to meet you or talk to you. And it may irritate you.
But the thing is, all this is just frustrating for me. Don't get me wrong, its just that i don't know what's going on in your life anymore. And i sense that you may be going thru tough times and what frustrates me is that i can't help you or even make you feel slightly better. I swear, if i could do anything to make you feel like you're on top of the world, i would.
I guess, things will always be one-sided between us(i can't envisage any reason why you would accept me) and that's ok. I guess being your fren is better than not knowing you at all. You're really a wonderful person any i have never regretted knowing you. If anything, you have made my life so much better with your smiles and your cheerful presence. So here i am, being honest to you. You said, you rather i give it up, and so i will if that makes you happy. But i can't lie that i won't hope or dream for things to happen as i have always been a dreamer and i don't think i can change that fact. 'I can't help feeling the way i do for you inside me' that's a line from a song of mine and i hope you don't hate me for feeling this way for you.
I guess i'm just beating around the bush. So let me be clear to you, if you ever need a fren or someone to talk to, i'm here for you. No hard feelings....
Without wax,
Shad.....
Shad checked in on...Wednesday, May 11, 2005