Monday, April 16, 2007

Reflections.....

Reflection is one thing i sumtyms do when im alone. N most of the tym, it leaves me wondering of wat i shd do in the future. Im not juz toking abt career here, im toking abt general. Wat shd i do abt myself. That's y sumtyms i dislike sitting alone. Kinda explain y i bug roma so much abt slacking outside. I guess he's one of the very few ppl who i can tok to. N he noes me so well tat sumtyms i dun even need to tok.

I noe reflection is good as onli den u'll get to learn from ur mistakes n wat not but i tink i can really do without it for now. Im oredy down enuf as it is. There's so many things going on at the moment, as usual but sumhow i feel so helpless nowdays. Helpless n speechless. N when i say speechless, i literally means speechless.

I noe many of my close frens will noe my trademark line wheneva they ask me if im ok. I'll always answer “I'm always ok, dun worry abt me.” Or how i tend to cover up my sadness/pain/hurt by cracking jokes and doin crazy jokes...sum wonder y. What can i say. There was one instance when elfi told me i wasnt myself tat day. Tat i seemed very high. She wanted to noe y i was so happy...haha so i told her the truth. I wasnt “high”at all. In fact i was kinda down. She tot i was lying but i put in simple terms to her. And that is “Ï lead a sad lyf but i prefer doing it wif a smile”.

Fortunately, i dun become sad when im really happy lol but the way i act when im covering up for my sadness is way different from when im truly happy. I tend to be more “crazy” i guess, in a manner of speaking. Is it obvious u may ask. I guess it is, to those who wld bother to take notice.
The prob is, i got so much things on my mind lately that sumtyms i really have no idea of wat to say. And tat's wat i mean by speechless.

I guess i shd probably stop tinking abt my feelings for sumone at the moment. Afterall, i was neva any good at dealing wif matters of the heart and is not as if anything is going to happen. I dare say my feelings is leading me nowhere. I'd lyk to say i'm giving up n moving on but i cant ctrl how i feel. Im no robot. I juz have to live wif it i guess. I heard ppl say the more u suffer, the more it shows u care. Juz wonder if its true.....

Hopefully wif tat put aside, i can concentrate on how i shd go abt making things better for myself. Especially regarding my band. Everyone noes music is my one place of sanctuary. Well, i duno, we'll see how it goes. About everything else, my fam, my so called future, my religion and abt myself as a person, i duno....kinda feel lyk i no longer noe what to do. Mebi i'm juz tired. Tired of everything.....

Wrote the start of a new song yesterday by the way. I intended to write this abt a mth ago but juz cldnt get the momentum going till yest... Here's how the lyrics go...

“I was getting uninspired, And everything is so old and tired, maybe I just don't wanna do this anymore. Maybe we're just getting tired, let's take a break, are we having fun yet? Maybe we should pack things up and not do this anymore. But everything seems ok when my brothers are around me, so lets take it up a notch, not have different thoughts and quit this tired old game. And I say, everything seems ok when my brothers are around me, so lets take it up a notch, not have different thoughts and quit this tired old game. And i say heyz....”

“I hope u're not toking to me out of pity or guilt...I rather have u tok to me cuz u want to...”

Shad checked in on...Monday, April 16, 2007

Monday, April 09, 2007

.....

Can i please have some good news coming soon in my lyf.....haiz....

Sometyms i wonder if ur fickleness is due to ur fear of failure or being laughed at. U've taken the last straw from me. Walk away now and dun look back. U're still my brother but dun once think i have forgotten anything. Outz.....

Shad checked in on...Monday, April 09, 2007

Tuesday, April 03, 2007

Speechless

Its been months since i completed a song. The last song i wrote was Hook, Line & Sinker. The 1st song tat i wrote based on imagination. It took lyk 2 weeks for me to complete that. That was back in november. Now is april...so imagine my relief when i finally came up wif a tune that i am finally satisfied wif.

I took off yest, coincidently it was my mom's birthday, so happy birthday mom...and oh yah, happy birthday to riff too...niways, unfortunately i got sick on my offday so decided to stay home instead of gg to fad's hse for session...niways, was watching prison break when i suddenly had the urge to play my guitar. So basically i paused the show and went to my room to get my guitar...

The moment i started playing, the chords came...it has also been awhile since i actually finish a song in less den a day, the last was moderation, over 4 yrs back. I guess it had to take smth special for this to happen again...

So niways, took me total of abt 4 hrs to complete the song and wen it was done, i decided to name it speechless. I have my reasons.But looks lyk i may have to chg the title cuz roma told me tat fenix tx has got a song wif the name title....we'll see...

Niways, i juz wanted to post the lyrics here for future reference as usual...

Speechless


What can I say when I no longer know what to do,
I guess u'll neva know what i'll do for u,
I've tried so hard to write a song for u,
But i guess my words will neva do,

I know ur heart belongs to someone else,
But i wanted u to know,
No matter what u need,
No matter when u need,
That i'll still be there for u...

What can i say, what can i do,
And I'll still be there for u,
I cannot help juz how i feel,
And I'll still be there for u,
No matter what u need,
And i'll still be there for u,

What can i say when i no longer know what to do,
What should i do when im wif u,
I hate this awkwardness when i lie to u,
When i say that im ok,

I know ur heart belongs to someone else,
But i wanted u to know,
How special u have been,
And for all the joy u bring,
I want to thank you,

What can i say, what can i do,
And I'll still be there for u,
I cannot help juz how i feel,
And I'll still be there for u,
No matter what i'll do,
And i'll still be there for u,

I'll train myself to listen in my sleep if u should,
Ever tok in ur dreams and i juz,
Want to shelter u away from all the hurt and pain that,
U've been facing all ur lyf...
And I'll be there for u,

What can i say, what can i do,
And I'll still be there for u,
I cannot help juz how i feel,
And I want to thank you,
What can i say, what can i do,
And I'll still be there for u,
I cannot help juz how i feel,
And I want to thank you,
No matter what u need,
And i'll still be there for u,
And for all the joy u bring,
I want to thank you,
No matter what i'll do,
And I'll still be there for u,
And for getting to know u,
I want to thank you....



Shad checked in on...Tuesday, April 03, 2007

Monday, April 02, 2007

What do u say....

What do u say when u no longer know wat to do...?

Shad checked in on...Monday, April 02, 2007