*....faCtS....*

SuMtin BouT Me...
NaMe: Shad...
AgE: Too Old To BoThEr, Too Young To CaRe
JoB sTaTuS: CuRRenTlY SeRv|nG ThE NaTioN
d.O.b: 31sT SePt 1984
EmaiL oR Add Me oN FreNsTeR oR Hi5: matgile05@yahoo.com.sg
Add Me iF U WaNt oN MsN: matgile05@hotmail.com

*...Tellement pour dire, mots tellement petits...*

*...HaTeS...*

Paranoia
Blasphemy
War
Pretenders
Maths & Java

*...FaVs...*

Songs: Too Many Too Mention
Movies: Remember The Titans!!! The Man Who Knew Too Little
Supports: Newcastle United, England, Denmark, Chezch Republic, Juventus

*...PHoToS...*

-Fidz Chalet 2oo4-
-Raya wif NYP Peeps 2oo4-
-Raya wif The Guys 2oo4-
-KL Trip wif The Guys 2oo4-
-Sending Maryam off/Azie's openhse-
-My Family's Batam Trip-

*...LinKSs...*

-StArHuB-
-YaHo0!-
-MiNiCLiP-
-WwE-
-SoCCeRNeT-
-NUFC-
-NYP-
-SIT-
-BaRaFRanCa-

*...LinKSs 4 FreNs...*

Amal
Ariff
Ayu
Azie
Cheryl
Elfirah
Fadillah
Fana
Geannie
Hafiz
Hafiidz
Jian Yong
KaiTing
Lionel
Minah
Michelle
Nadiah
Nes
Paul Mcfly
Rab|a
Shikin
Siti
Sofian
TKCK
Yana
Zuli


*ArChIvEs*

  • July 2004
  • August 2004
  • September 2004
  • October 2004
  • November 2004
  • December 2004
  • January 2005
  • February 2005
  • March 2005
  • April 2005
  • May 2005
  • June 2005
  • July 2005
  • August 2005
  • September 2005
  • November 2005
  • December 2005
  • January 2006
  • February 2006
  • March 2006
  • April 2006
  • July 2006
  • November 2006
  • March 2007
  • April 2007
  • May 2007
  • June 2007
  • July 2007
  • August 2007
  • December 2007
  • January 2008

  • **





    Monday, April 16, 2007



    Reflections.....



    Reflection is one thing i sumtyms do when im alone. N most of the tym, it leaves me wondering of wat i shd do in the future. Im not juz toking abt career here, im toking abt general. Wat shd i do abt myself. That's y sumtyms i dislike sitting alone. Kinda explain y i bug roma so much abt slacking outside. I guess he's one of the very few ppl who i can tok to. N he noes me so well tat sumtyms i dun even need to tok.

    I noe reflection is good as onli den u'll get to learn from ur mistakes n wat not but i tink i can really do without it for now. Im oredy down enuf as it is. There's so many things going on at the moment, as usual but sumhow i feel so helpless nowdays. Helpless n speechless. N when i say speechless, i literally means speechless.

    I noe many of my close frens will noe my trademark line wheneva they ask me if im ok. I'll always answer “I'm always ok, dun worry abt me.” Or how i tend to cover up my sadness/pain/hurt by cracking jokes and doin crazy jokes...sum wonder y. What can i say. There was one instance when elfi told me i wasnt myself tat day. Tat i seemed very high. She wanted to noe y i was so happy...haha so i told her the truth. I wasnt “high”at all. In fact i was kinda down. She tot i was lying but i put in simple terms to her. And that is “Ï lead a sad lyf but i prefer doing it wif a smile”.

    Fortunately, i dun become sad when im really happy lol but the way i act when im covering up for my sadness is way different from when im truly happy. I tend to be more “crazy” i guess, in a manner of speaking. Is it obvious u may ask. I guess it is, to those who wld bother to take notice.
    The prob is, i got so much things on my mind lately that sumtyms i really have no idea of wat to say. And tat's wat i mean by speechless.

    I guess i shd probably stop tinking abt my feelings for sumone at the moment. Afterall, i was neva any good at dealing wif matters of the heart and is not as if anything is going to happen. I dare say my feelings is leading me nowhere. I'd lyk to say i'm giving up n moving on but i cant ctrl how i feel. Im no robot. I juz have to live wif it i guess. I heard ppl say the more u suffer, the more it shows u care. Juz wonder if its true.....

    Hopefully wif tat put aside, i can concentrate on how i shd go abt making things better for myself. Especially regarding my band. Everyone noes music is my one place of sanctuary. Well, i duno, we'll see how it goes. About everything else, my fam, my so called future, my religion and abt myself as a person, i duno....kinda feel lyk i no longer noe what to do. Mebi i'm juz tired. Tired of everything.....

    Wrote the start of a new song yesterday by the way. I intended to write this abt a mth ago but juz cldnt get the momentum going till yest... Here's how the lyrics go...

    “I was getting uninspired, And everything is so old and tired, maybe I just don't wanna do this anymore. Maybe we're just getting tired, let's take a break, are we having fun yet? Maybe we should pack things up and not do this anymore. But everything seems ok when my brothers are around me, so lets take it up a notch, not have different thoughts and quit this tired old game. And I say, everything seems ok when my brothers are around me, so lets take it up a notch, not have different thoughts and quit this tired old game. And i say heyz....”

    “I hope u're not toking to me out of pity or guilt...I rather have u tok to me cuz u want to...”


    Shad checked in on...Monday, April 16, 2007