Thursday, June 14, 2007
On Fine Day
I had intended to blog abt my crazy day today, a day full of pranks, jokes n basically juz funny stuff but i feel that mebi i shd adress smth more impt.
Its abt this certain gal. I duno if u still read my blog but I'm just got write this down anyways.
I must say that i am slightly offended by u asking me to stop wat i'm doing cuz this is going nowhere. Dun get me wrong, I'm not offended by the nowhere part, that i know. I'm offended by u saying stop wat im doing. Cuz frankly im not sure wat u toking abt.
I think back, the last tym we tok was last tuesday. Seriuzly, i can't think of anything that makes u say that cuz i treated u lyk i wld to a normal fren. The most was i teased u wif a few ppl who i wont mention names here. Mebi u mistook it for jelousy. Now, i'm not gg to pretend that my feelings for you is gone but my teasing, it isnt jelousy of any sort. It was typical me. I like to tease n joke ard. Rmb when teratai had dilema of who to choose? Rmb me teasing her lyk there's no tmr? That's just what i do...
Frankly, yeah i do have feelings for you but lyk i said b4, i accept the fact that im onli a fren and nuthing more. U can ask roma if u dun bliff me. Why, just last wk i had this conversation wif him abt me giving up hope and wanting to move on. N when i say i accepted my role as a fren, i really mean it. i bear no jelousy to those guys cuz i noe u're gonna end up wif someone. Sooner or later. I hole no grudges of any sort. I swear.
I had the urge to assure you just now thru sms. To explain to u how I'm feeling now but i tot otherwise. Cuz 1stly, i dun think u were in the mood to listen my explaination. 2ndly, i guess if thats wat u wanted den....
The reason y i keep quiet when u tok abt guys is simply cuz i just duno wat to say. I mean, cmon, im a guy sia, wat can i possibly say? I dun even say much when one of my bro tok to me abt how cute or pretty or sexy a gal is. The onli tym i usually say smth is if they ask me for advise on certain gals...Seriuzly, there's no more jelousy. Just acceptance. And acceptance, u may find out, is a strong emotion.
I duno, mebi u get the idea of me being jelous cuz i sound irritated, To be honest, i sound that way cuz of the way u answer me sometyms. I mean cmon, sometyms i tok to u nicely and all i get is "jgn kaypoh"...Seriuzly, is that how u answer ur other frens? U say its hard to go back to normal frens? Mebi its cuz u noe abt my feelings for u. Seriuzly, forget abt that. I mean, when was the last tym i brought it up? I cant rmb.
Abt those other stuff lyk wake up kols n stuff. I do that for other ppl too. I even offered teratai in front of u once. It got nuthing to do wif how i feel. Abt nagging at u wen u cabut sch? God, ask roma at the number of tyms i did tat to him. Ask him how i pestered him to go back to sch wen he quit...I care cuz tats wat frens do.
When u smsed me this afternoon saying mebi we shd stop toking on the fone now, i seriuzly wanted to argue my case. Cuz 1stly, to me, ending it this way wld simply make things more awkward. I mean give me tym to prove that im not hoping for anything more den frens. I duno mebi u just need the space. Its ok...
More importantly y i dun 1 this 2 stop...? The reason is simple. I guess i juz need a companion to tok too. I admit, i noe loads of ppl but the problem is there's onli a handful who i can really tok too. N those ppl happen to be roma, teratai, ahmad, yazid and u. N now, Roma has just enlisted. Tai n ahmad will be too bz enjoying their new found adventure. Yazid is bz wif work and his family...
I guess if u no longer 1 2 tok to me its ok...but i admit, the tyming sux...i respect ur decision...but damn...i really need a companion...not to tok abt my lyf, sumone to just laff wiff or sometyms, at....
But thats that i guess, just rmb, if u need sumone, any no one seems to be ard. Find me k. I bear no grudges n honestly, dun woory abt my feelings k. I seriuzly given up. Beyond hope. I noe, u made it clear a long tym ago nothings gonna happen. I swear.... Take Care my fren....
PS - Honestly, i hope our conversations wldnt end cuz i really need to laff....
OUTZZ...
Shad checked in on...Thursday, June 14, 2007