Tuesday, August 28, 2007

Too old to bother, too young to care...

Ever reach that stage in ur lyf where u find urself too old to bother abt stuff n yet too young to care abt what's gonna happen....I guess there's not really and age grp that falls under this, its really just a phase that ppl sometyms go thru. Im kinda gg thru this phase, i've been gg thru it for the past 3-4 years...i hope its not permanent cuz the feeling is kinda dready....

Im at the point of my lyf where i'm taking tym to think, shd i chg? or shd i stick to the way i was....especially when it comes to socializing. Everyday i sit for some tym n ponder abt this age-old question onli to realise the obvious....n that is u chg some stuff abt u n keep some memories abt what made u who u r. For examples, my attitude towards celebrating my birthday.

My fren ask me a few days ago, y do i lyk to keep my bday such a secret. Well i have my reasons. Im thru explaining. And what happen this year fully motivates me not to celebrate my bday again. I won't go into details but it's been a trying tym for me wif everything happening at once and add in fatigue, u got urselves one cranky hot-tempered fella. My mum has this theory where im afraid to grow older and tats y keep my bday a secret. I can onli laff at her face cuz Im very proud of my age as my age shows the world how long i've been experiencing everything that's been gg on. Honestly, growing older is smth im not afraid off. Partly cuz it brings me one step closer to completing this lyf. Dun get me wrong, im not suicidal. Its just that ppl say lyf is a lesson n u'll learn it when its thru ryt. Well, yah, i 1 2 learn that lesson. I want to noe this impt lesson that all of us have to noe by gg thru this weird, unfair, exciting, irritating, wonderful thing called lyf. I wonder if its worth finding out but noeing the wonders of what god can do, i guess i can put my doubts aside. Wait, i mean im sure i can cast aside my doubts.

One common thing ppl say abt me is that I'm kinda crazy, im weird, im funny, im emotional n so on....and most of my frens wonder y i do the stuff i do. The secret is simple. Im trying to find sumone. Sumone who won't bother abt y im doing such stuff but who wld trust me enuff to join in the fun. Onli problem is, at an age where acting is ur second nature, how do i noe if i found the ryt person or not?

Moving on, sumtyms it hurts to find out the true colors of the ppl close to u. Sometyms its expected. No one will really noe a person to the fullest. Thats y i usually show ppl the minimum of myself. I seldom open myself up to ppl. No matter how long i've known sumone. I guess it doesnt matter how long u known sumone, what matters is how well u noe him or her. Yet even thru this thick, tall wall of mine, some ppl are starting to see the real me. Starting to understand how i react to certain situations. To those who are successful, i applaude u. Qns is, what r gg to hurt me or r u gg to try to make me happi or r u just gonna forgot the information? I guess what im trying to say is actions speaks louder den words. Dun pay attention to what i say. But look out for my actions. For i thing i can promise u, who i was before is nuthing lyk who i am now. Dun make me go back to who i was b4 whom even my current self dislikes. I was revengeful. I was emotionless. I was full of hatred, Please dun let that person resurface. Sure there's no school lyk the old school but tym changes n i trully hope i have too.

Shad checked in on...Tuesday, August 28, 2007