So much to say....So little words....

Honestly Part II

2008-01-06T20:30:00.000+08:00

Honestly Part II

Honestly, when my uncle passed away recently, I wanted to call u. I was on duty the night b4 n was getting ready for the handing over/taking over for the following day duty personnel when my dad called me. I got the bad news. My uncle been suffering from stomach cancer. We onli found out when it was in the later stages. It was so bad that it spread to the lungs. It was a painful way to go for him i guess. Cant say i was sad when i got the news. Wasnt overjoyed either. All i know is that i wanted to kol u n just listen to u tok.

In some ways, i guess it helps sometyms. Listening to u tok. Especially when u in a gd mood n being very random. Don't ask me why but somehow it calms my nerves.

Few days later, the younger sis of my uncle (my aunt i guess) passed away. Not a very gd tym for me. Few days later during the 'kenduri' for my unc, my cuzin's brother in law had a stroke and is in a critical condition as i type this.

I very much wanted to talk to u.

Before all these death started, i was in a war with my mom. Been having some disagreement. Things havent been gd at work too. U see it hvnt been a gd tym for me.

I very much wanted to call u.

My band isnt doing to well too i guess.

Honestly, its cuz my relationship wif one of them hasnt been gd. Y? Cuz his behaviour is really annoying me. I'll be honest wif u. Ppl say i over reacted abt the prank. They didnt understand my anger. Well for the first tym, i'll tell the truth to my reaction here.

Honestly, rmb back to the tym we went to watch soccer together for the 1st tym. It also mark the tym when u start joining us for the lepak sessions. Not sure if u notice but one of them was acting strangely towards u. Me n another guy, we were trying hard to make u feel comfortable n fit in. Y? Cuz of a story my cuzin boasted abt to us few mths before that.

He was telling us, rmb the gal he brought for this event during that tym ( i wont mention the event), well in his word, "kite gi pasir ris park buat keje hehe" complete wif the 'hehe' He was making a mockery of u. The way he tok it was as if u were another piece of meat even tho he insist there wasnt any penetration. N we tot u were his frens. As usual, me n the guy u label as my best fren can just look at each other n shake our head feeling embarassed.

Honestly, we didnt have a gd impression of u before we met u that nite. The best part was that he told us u were coming as if we never met. Mebi he forgotten he boasted abt u b4. But fact is, u redeemed urself but showing that u r not the person who we tot u were. The guy who act strangely towards u asked me during the match "Asal die murah nye?" I kinda scolded him not to judge n to remind him that at least my cuzin insist there wasnt penetration.

A few weeks later, when u started meeting us regularly, me n my 'best fren' teased my dear dear cuzin abt wat he boasted to us b4. All he did was laff it off. He wasnt even aware how we were trying our best to mock him n made him regret his actions. In some ways, i guess he did regret. Cuz a few days later he 'confessed' to us that everything he told us didnt happen n it was all made up by him for wat reason? No idea.

Few mths ago, u told me that u did go to pasir ris park wif him that nite but u said nuthing happen. I didnt 1 2 tell u what he told us cuz i didnt 1 2 hurt u. None of us did. By this tym u've oredy earned respect from me n my 'best fren'.

U insist nuthing happened that nite. I'll take ur word for it. Cuz what happened that nite isnt that important to me. What infurates me is the way he acted. It disgust me they way he treated u. N worst of all, knowing that u actually had feelings for him. Thats what made me so angry. There u were hoping he'll be the one n there he is, totally disrespecting u.

Honestly, mebi i was angry at myself for never telling u the truth. N when i first tot u were really together wif him, I cldnt stand the tot of how he talked bad abt u n showed total disrespect for u n never apologised. No matter how he say he cares, in my eyes u;re just a piece of meat to him. Thats y i got very angry.

Honestly, everytym i listen to the stories of lyf i also wonder is this the way u really 1 2 live ur lyf? I know things hvnt been gd to u too but pls, i beg u, it doesnt have to be this way. U cld have a better lyf. U dont have to stick to ppl lyk him. U deserve better. Dont be so scared to open up. Dun listen to ppl. U r 1 very special gal. Just be urself. Cuz u're just so amazing when u're urself n not purposely being mean.

Honestly, u asked me y am i so quiet a few days ago, truth is, i dowan 2 bother u wif my worries n my lyf. I very much wanted to tok to u especially when everything seems to go wrong for me. But, I feel that mebi im in ur way. I've always felt lyk im in ur way. I dowan 2 be a bother to u. Mebi u're better without me in ur lyf. So u wldnt have to worry abt hurting me due to the way i feel anymore. I noe how bad u felt when u found out the way i reacted abt the prank. I noe u felt so guilty. U even tried to hide the fact that u cried.

Honestly, I wanted to win the competition i entered for u. I even promised u i wld buy the thing u wanted if i won. I wasnt joking abt that even if u think i was. I wish i had the luxury to get u what u want. I wish i cld see u smile all the tym.

Honestly, i'm hurting ryt now. N thats the reason y im keeping my distance. I dowan to bring u down. Feelings cant be forced n i dont 1 u 2 feel bad cuz u dun feel the same way as i do.

I very much wanted to kol u.

So, i guess this is gdbye. Take care of urself aite. Don't let anyone bring u down. I noe for a fact u r not as bad as u think u r. Be happy k. Never think u're such a bad person. Don't think u're useless. I swear, u're special. U're beautiful. N i dont mean just on the outside. I'm glad i got know who u really r. N before i go, before i say my final gdbye, pls don't holdit against me to say smth for the 1st n probably last tym... I love you...

Gd bye my fren. Take care.

Honesty

2007-12-26T14:52:00.000+08:00

Honesty...

A few days ago i had a dream about her again. As usual, in the dream we were happy together. Then i woke up and again as usual, the realisation of it just being a dream came in n it felt as if i've just been run over by an 8 wheeler truck.

I feel that mebi its tym for me to be honest here today. The reason y my blog seems so dead is simple. Honestly cuz i once blogged abt this person n found out later she read it. I was dumbfounded. So i sort of blog very irregularly so that mebi that person wld get tired of the same old post n stop checking in. I think it worked....

Y not just create a new blog u mite ask, haiz truth is i have no mood to go thru the trouble. My mood have been so down in some ways that i've sort of kept to myself alot.

Anyways, This entry shd be abt honesty. I hvnt been honest, not even to myself. I've been keeping too many feelings to myself till recently a fren of mine said that the problem wif me is that i don't voice out my feelings enuf. And he feels that i shd be more open wif my feelings. Especially if someone close to me, someone who grew up wif me have become sumone i dislike alot.

I don't mean to keep things to myself just that i feel that i've talked enuf to the person concerned. N everytym, he chg back to his old self but it doesnt last long. What can I say When I no longer know what to do.

Another matter i've not been honest to ppl much nowdays is abt my fear of slping, or rather my fear of waking up from my slp. Mebi fear is the wrong word to use but i really dread waking up sometyms. N it happens whenever i have dreams lyk the one i mentioned above. Truth is, there have been quite a number of tyms when i dreamt that we were together n only god knows how to describe how i felt in those dreams. Truthfully, as cliche as it may sound, i've never knew that kind of happiness ever. It doesnt matter if we didn't do much in the dream, just a simple walk ard some mall or whateva, but the feeling i felt was so real. I dun noe how to put it in words. But everything abt the dreams seem so real. N so the moment i wake up, realising it was nothing but fiction, i duno....it makes me wish that i'd never wake up at all, ever. The disappointment is so damn heavy that its hard for me to get up and face the new day.

Honestly ppl may think I'm over-reacting or obsessed or wateva but truth is, i wish that I could be the one who makes u smile the way u do ard certain special individuals, i wish that i could be the one to make u laugh till tears r found in ur eyes. I wish that i could make u feel happy, loved, comforted, needed....I wish that I could be the one to wipe ur tears away when u cry. I wish that i could be the one....

Honestly, as of this moment, ur happiness is smth i think abt most of the tym. I feel so good to see u smile, to see u happy. Correct me if im wrong but u seemed happy during ur bday. I was happy too, seeing u in that state. Deep down, frankly, i pray that mebi just mebi, i was partly responsible for making u feel that way but....i doubt so.

Sometimes thinking back, i feel that i'm being disillusional for thinking that i have a chance. I know i'm not ur type and honestly, i don't think i'll ever be ur type. I mean, i realise we live in 2 different world and we r 2 different ppl.

Someone once said to me, mebi if i had the looks or body of Keanu Reeves den mebi things wld be different. No matter how much i hope and pray its not true, i got to face reality. I'd do anything within my resources, control and power for u but truth is, i noe i don't have much to offer u. Rite now, it seems lyk i can onli give u words, words of comfort, words to attempt to win ur heart. Problem is, words have never mean that much to me.

I dun have this extraodinary knowledge of computers or other stuff to help u out when u need it. I don't have the cash to bring u out n accompany u here and there. Im not rich enuf to buy u stuff or bring u out for shopping which u love doing so much. I don't have any means of transport to bring u out in the middle of the nite to places of interest and watch the sunrise and to finally send u home after a long tiring nite. I don't have the charm to make u trust me to follow me to where ever i want to bring u to. And due to the lack of transport, I don't have the time to bring u ard the world to enjoy urself. I don't have any of that luxury. Not even one.

There are tyms where i find myself sitting down and wondering, Why? Why can't i have u? Am i not good enuf for u? Am i not 'FIT' enuf for u? Is it becuz I'm not rich enuf to give u wat u want? U say u love u'r freedom. So will I take ur freedom away if u somehow ever find a way to accept me? I duno....

U say u 1 2 enjoy urslef for now. For me, its tym for me to learn to take my responsibility as a man. Do u noe how it felt when i nearly lost my dad a few years ago. Seeing how my mum, my sis just crumbled under all that pressure after relying on my dad for so much. I had to step up. I had to represent the family. Even tho things turned out fine back then, i tasted what it was lyk and realised i wasnt prepared if my father had passed on. It hit me lyk nuthing ever cld. Slowly i changed and even tho it took a long tym for me to chg, bottom line is i did. Was it by coincidence that i stop drinking a few weeks after getting to noe u? I duno.

Few mths back those few of losing my dad came abt again. It was during the period of my bday. Thankfully, this tym i was more prepared. I was no longer the scared teenager. I stood up n sucessfully convincced my family that everything was gonna be fine. U see thats wat u do when u care for ppl, u try ur best to ensure them tat everything is gonna be ok n u oso try ur best to make sure it happens. N u have no idea how fast u brought me up to cloud 9 when u msged me asking abt my dad's condition. It showed to me u cared. U have no idea how it brought a smile to my face, how that simple question gave me more strength to help my family out...

But oh how fast was i brought down again within a matter of 2 days. I can never forget how i felt when i 1st saw u in his hands. I rmb thinking it was just my paranoid imagination at 1st but when i cldnt dismiss it away as my imagination, nausea took over. i felt lyk vomiting everything i ate. I cldnt even eat the cake u bought for me. Till today i can never understand as to y both of u did it. I can never understand y he want to hurt me so bad. I mean cmon, supposedly he wants to prank everyone, sure. Thats y he choose such a tym ryt. N frankly I don't think the others wld care much if u 2 end up together. But he knew i wld.

I can never understand y u went along with it even if u initially didn't want too. Bottom line is, u did. U knew it wldnt affect the feelings of anybody else but me and still u went with it. Don't get me wrong, im no longer angry wif it n i forgive u but honestly, i will never understand ur actions n i cant deny that i dont feel hurt even a little bit even after all this tym. I guess the deepest cuts takes the longest to heal. I can only thank god that i had a fren who stood up n tell me the truth to keep me sane. Many things didn't add up for me that night till i got the truth. N imagine how i felt sitting beside him n pretending that nuthing was wrong for god noes how many hours after i knew the truth.I forgave u, but don't blame me if i cant forget it.

U're an enigma to me. There's so much of u that i noe, i can predict so many of ur actions but yet there are still many things abt u and what u do that i can never understand. And honestly, i wish n hope u'll give me a chance to fully understand u and not just dissapear from my life. Every addiction cant be striked out cold turkey. In some ways, u r my addiction. And once, u did leave me cold for 1 month.

Honestly, when u 1st said to me u cant continue being so close to me after knowing how i felt, i didn't blame u. I tot, ok, I'll just take wat u were willing to give me and teach myself to live with it. But as it turns out, u wldnt even reply my well wishes for ur trip to melake. It seems lyk i was dead to u. For 1 mth, i kept asking myself, what wrong did i do to u? Did i hurt u so badly that u'd no longer tok to me. Even as a fren? N yet u entertain those who weren't sincere to u. I ask god what wrong did i do? I have been nuthing but sincere to u. Even if u didn't love me back, at the very least i tot i was a fren. Yet it seems lyk i was the enemy. I endured a mth not knowing how u were. A month wondering if u're happy. A month sleepless nite hoping u'll get bored enuf to call me. But nuthing happened.

When u finally msg me after more den a mth to kol ur hp, i was stunned yet relieved. I guess u have that effect on me. Not many ppl can make me dumbstruck or awestruck lyk u do.

Rmb once, u called me after sch. I was still stuck in the office n we talk for abit. I didnt tok much if u notice. Den u mentionted that u were gg to a certain someone's place in jurong. Suddenly i became hyper n cracking jokes n shit lyk nobody business. N u stunned me by askin if i was okay. U saw rute thru me. U said u knew how i jovial i became when im done. U saw thru my facade.

Yes its true, behing those jokes i crack, those puns i project, the pranks i pull the humour i bull, i'm hurting. Its all an act. A cry for help. Not many understood that or pretend not to understand. Instead they questioned y i do the stuff i do. Yet u saw thru me.

Again i say, honestly, sometyms i feel lyk mebi u shd be wif a certain cuzzin of mine and that i've been in ur way all this while. I duno y. But 2 ppl dismiss that notion as soon as i mention it. They said they dun bliff he can make u happy. I duno, mebi if i didn't get in the way in the 1st place, mebi he wldnt have turn out this way.

Another truth i have to voice out now, after every solat, i pray for u. I pray that somehow god can soften this hardened heart of urs n not let u be so stubborn. I hope mebi wif u being less stubborn, u'd be happier n not be so angry and angsty all the tym. I pray that u be happy. Even if its not wif me.

I noe its been a long entry but onli becuz all this while i have had so much to say to u, so much to pour out but i cant never find enuf words our enuf courage. There r so many more things left unsaid. I bet if i knew all the words in all the languages in the world, i still wont be able to find the words to describe how i feel. The enigma, the mystery. I cant tell u how beautiful u r in my eyes. Even when ur hair is all messy, without make up on, when u're not dressed up. I've seen u at ur worst, when u just woke up and yet u're still so beautiful to me. So adorable. So precious.

U say u 1 2 enjoy urself for now, U say u love ur freedom. To me, i say u're afraid of commitment. U're afraid to get hurt. I wish i cld somehow explain to u that i'd never hurt u intentionally. Honestly, i have been nuthing but sincere to u.

What can I say when I no longer know what to do, I guess u'll never know what i'll do for u. I tried so hard to write a song for u but i guess my words will never do. What can i say when i no longer know what to do, what shd i do wen i'm with u? I hate this awkwardness when i lie to u, when i say that i'm ok. I know ur heart belongs to sumone else but i wanted u to noe, no matter what u need, no matter when u need that i'll still be there for u. And for how special u have been, for all the joy u bring, i want to thank u. What can i say, what can i do and i'll still be there for u. I cannot help just how i feel and i want to thank u. I'll train myself to listen in my sleep if u shd ever tok in ur dreams and i just want to shelter u away from all the hurt and pain that u've been facing all ur lyf and i'll still be there for u. No matter what u need, i'll still be there for u, for all the joy u bring, i want to thank u. No matter what i'll do, i'll still be there for u and for getting to know u, i want to thank u.

Too old to bother, too young to care...

2007-08-28T12:56:00.000+08:00

Too old to bother, too young to care...

Ever reach that stage in ur lyf where u find urself too old to bother abt stuff n yet too young to care abt what's gonna happen....I guess there's not really and age grp that falls under this, its really just a phase that ppl sometyms go thru. Im kinda gg thru this phase, i've been gg thru it for the past 3-4 years...i hope its not permanent cuz the feeling is kinda dready....

Im at the point of my lyf where i'm taking tym to think, shd i chg? or shd i stick to the way i was....especially when it comes to socializing. Everyday i sit for some tym n ponder abt this age-old question onli to realise the obvious....n that is u chg some stuff abt u n keep some memories abt what made u who u r. For examples, my attitude towards celebrating my birthday.

My fren ask me a few days ago, y do i lyk to keep my bday such a secret. Well i have my reasons. Im thru explaining. And what happen this year fully motivates me not to celebrate my bday again. I won't go into details but it's been a trying tym for me wif everything happening at once and add in fatigue, u got urselves one cranky hot-tempered fella. My mum has this theory where im afraid to grow older and tats y keep my bday a secret. I can onli laff at her face cuz Im very proud of my age as my age shows the world how long i've been experiencing everything that's been gg on. Honestly, growing older is smth im not afraid off. Partly cuz it brings me one step closer to completing this lyf. Dun get me wrong, im not suicidal. Its just that ppl say lyf is a lesson n u'll learn it when its thru ryt. Well, yah, i 1 2 learn that lesson. I want to noe this impt lesson that all of us have to noe by gg thru this weird, unfair, exciting, irritating, wonderful thing called lyf. I wonder if its worth finding out but noeing the wonders of what god can do, i guess i can put my doubts aside. Wait, i mean im sure i can cast aside my doubts.

One common thing ppl say abt me is that I'm kinda crazy, im weird, im funny, im emotional n so on....and most of my frens wonder y i do the stuff i do. The secret is simple. Im trying to find sumone. Sumone who won't bother abt y im doing such stuff but who wld trust me enuff to join in the fun. Onli problem is, at an age where acting is ur second nature, how do i noe if i found the ryt person or not?

Moving on, sumtyms it hurts to find out the true colors of the ppl close to u. Sometyms its expected. No one will really noe a person to the fullest. Thats y i usually show ppl the minimum of myself. I seldom open myself up to ppl. No matter how long i've known sumone. I guess it doesnt matter how long u known sumone, what matters is how well u noe him or her. Yet even thru this thick, tall wall of mine, some ppl are starting to see the real me. Starting to understand how i react to certain situations. To those who are successful, i applaude u. Qns is, what r gg to hurt me or r u gg to try to make me happi or r u just gonna forgot the information? I guess what im trying to say is actions speaks louder den words. Dun pay attention to what i say. But look out for my actions. For i thing i can promise u, who i was before is nuthing lyk who i am now. Dun make me go back to who i was b4 whom even my current self dislikes. I was revengeful. I was emotionless. I was full of hatred, Please dun let that person resurface. Sure there's no school lyk the old school but tym changes n i trully hope i have too.

2007-07-09T10:45:00.000+08:00

O O O --- O O O

People say when lyf gives u lemons, make lemonades. i guess if lyf gives u ice-cream, den u sell ice-cream....but dun go selling it at the north-pole haha

I know lyf is like a roller coaster, breathing deeply, walking backwards, but sometyms the downs are so bad u wish it wasnt. Im not talking abt my own lyf tho, I'm fine. I'm always ok ;)

I guess I'm just peeved when i hear stories from ppl close to me abt seperation. Its so sad that these things happen so often. Sometyms i wonder what are this ppl thinking. Sometyms i doubt that they even think before they act. I feel for the children cuz the children are the one who suffer. The children are the victims.

These victims suffer so bad that they sometyms question their fate n existance. They start blaming god n ask what have they done to desrve a lyf lyk this. I guess the answer is plain simple, nothing.

I strongly believe that god knows what he's doing. I guess these things happen to those who god knows is strong enuf to handle them, provided they bliff in themselves. Now, i'm not saying all the other ppl are weak, i'm just saying that everything in lyf is a test and this is theirs. It doesnt matter what age u are, divorce hurts the children the most.

Yes it takes two hands to clap but sometyms one can be a great illusionist making the other party see what's not there. My mumonce told me to stop trying to figure out how the minds of these ppl think cuz i'll neva figure out their stupid ways but i told my mum i wasnt trying to figure things out, i was just wishing that i cld grab their heads, shake it ard lyk mad(mebi bang it against the wall a little bit too) n who noes, the cobwebs mite go away n their sense wld drop rite back in their brains cuz honestly, y bother to have kids if u dun plan to take care of them?

I pity those ppl responsible enuf but cant have children due to one problem or another. There's this one comedy i watch titled "Idiocracy". Its abt this average joe who's freezed in a military scientific experiment. He was suppose to be awaken a year later but unfortunately the scientist who was conducting the experiment was arrested for some stupid reason n the experiment was forgotten. Fast foward to the year 2505, an accident occured and finally he was awaken. By then, of course technology was much better. Everything was automated. Things was so easy for humans that they became dumb n the gist is that the average joe became the smartest man in the world.

At the begining of the show, the explained that apart from everything being automated, another reason for the human demise in intelligence was simple. Those who are responsible enuf to actually have children have onli one child or are afraid to have dem due to the fear of raising them wrong. Whereas those irresponible bastards have more children then they can handle. And their children grow up n take after their fathers and have more children till the stupid asses out populates the world n soon the mature ones become no more...

Sometyms i sit down and wonder, what is this world turning into? Y do ppl give in to temptation so easily, afterall, let's face it, most unwanted pregnancy starts from ppl who succumb to the temptation of sex. To me, this may not be the cuase of broken families but its the source of one of them. The message Live Earth gave during the weekend to me shdnt be onli abt global warming. It shd be abt lyf itself. If we dun do smth, who will?

Yes sex is nice, i wld be lying if i said otherwise. When u're doing it, the feeling is lyk no other. Some compare it to divinition, some say its addictive. Whatever it is, wldnt u lyk to share it wif sumone u really love den? Wldnt it be more satisfying? N y not do it when its legal(n i dun mean when the gal is 16 here)? I duno, i guess thats onli true to me n a few others cuz frankly, its getting harder to find ppl who share the same views as me on this topic. Especially in the army....

Sometyms i wonder y i keep on lying to myself. Sometyms i wonder how this world go on all the tym. I wonder how they keep on smiling wif all the worries in their lyf. Sometyms i wonder how they keep on living wif all the pain.

Sometyms i wonder y the are so many twist and turns. Sometyms i wonder wat's in store for me ard the bend. I wonder y there's so much hunger wif all the wealth inside this world. I wonder y there's so many lives to throw away.

Sometyms i wonder y the sun means day n the moon means nite. Sometym i wonder abt the blue blue thing that we call sky. I wonder abt the mystery of lyf n that thing we call death. I wonder abt the scenery i see outside.

And i wonder y i wrote this song> I wonder y music was born. I wonder abt the things that've gone. I wonder abt the things to come. And i wonder y i wonder abt thses stuff that no one wonders abt. And i can't believe that i'm still here to wonder abt the things i fear.....

Tjink before u act ppl. Make this world a better place....If we don't do smth, who will? Remember that my frens...peace.....

Mirror , mirror on the wall...

2007-06-21T13:00:00.000+08:00

Mirror , mirror on the wall...

Blurness. What causes it? i really duno but its a thing that i feel all suffer from haha it even happens to the smartest of us. Really...i guess thats one thing in this lyf thats not prejudice hehe A few days ago, while on the way to my aunt's clinic, i started thinking abt stuff, n an incident kept on playing n playing in my head. This incident had blurness involved in it n i cldnt stop smiling to myself alone in the train...i guess it help maintain the crazy mood i've been in the past week ( i called farhan last monday n he insisted that i was drunk wakaka). Being nice, i wont mention names but after thinking abt that person's blooper, i started thinking abt bloopers from my frens and myself...yes i admit, i've been a victim of blurness as well....

On one of those "rare" occasion, i was slacking wif roma and sadiq. It was ard 9+ and sadiq said he had to go. Without thinking i said "relax ah, the young is still early..." Imagine the stares i got from both of dem lol...well, blurness is a source of fun sometyms so just for fun, im gonna do a poll rite here to those who happen to read my blog. I'm gonna list down some incidents when ppl who are or had once been close to me experience this thing call blurness. I chose these ppl cuz i noe they r ez gg n wont mind laffing at small stuff but juz to be safe, i wont mention names...So to any reader out there, njoy n choose ur fav...feel free to share or keep it to urself...

Mirror, Mirror on the wall, who's the blurest of them all.....

Incident A: I was planning a gath early this yr n was contacting a long lost fren of mine. I onli had her home number since her old hp number was not in use. But being her, she was hardly home. So after some tries, i gave up calling n instead left my hp number wif her mom in hopes that she will contact me in tym for the gath,

Well it worked, she called me back n turns out she cldnt come but said she does 1 2 keep contact. So here's wat she said n my reply...(keep in mind she called my hp)

Her: "Do u have a HP or smth that i can contact u at...?"

(Silence from me for lyk 4-5 secs) Her: "Hello?"

Me: "Erm....what number did u call?"

Her: "OH YAH..."

haha i really duno wat she was thinking. I knew she was talkative but din noe she was blur as well....

Incident B: While having a gath wif a grp of ppl, i end up distrubing another old fren of mine. Now this gal i noe is somewhat of a blur Queen but i juz din noe how blur she was....

I cant really rmb wat i was ribbing her abt but i knew i ended up singing the S-O-T-O-N-G song n she whacked me n said...(btw, this is a translated version)

Her: "Oi!, im not the sotong ok, rosz is." Turning to a fren, she asked for assurance in a very innocent way "Rite?"

God, me n a few others just burst out laffing man...she was lyk proving my point haha

Incident C: Me and a couple of my frens were slacking when one of my them turn to fad n statred calling him out loud. Everyone else except for fad turned n look at her n started laffing...y? cuz this is wat she said...

Her: "Shad." (No answer) "Shad!" (No answer) "SHAD!"

I was sitting opposite her at that tym n looked at her from the 1st tym she called out my name n was wondering wth....speechless haha

Incident D: While on the fone wif a fren of mine, she was contemplating whether she wanted to go work or skip...she was suppose to start work at 6 n it was oredy 5++ so in the end she decided to go but an hour late. This is what she said...(once again, translated version)

Her: "Nvm ah, i work from 7 to 10 ah. At least 4 hrs ok wat..."

Me: "4hrs?"

Her: "yah..."

Me: "7 to 10?"

Her (sounding irritated now): "Yah, 7 to 10. 4 HRS"

Sheesh haha i kept quiet initally cuz she really sounded tired but i cldnt help myelf hehe i asked her if she failed her maths b4 i started laffing my ass off hehe...

Incident E: As i said, blurness is not prejudice so this incident will not be abt a gal just to prove that blurness does not excuse anyone...

After a gig, my bandmates, me n some frens decide to stay overnite at a certain reservoir near thompson. I'll be nice n not reveal the place hehe...While walking towards the place an unique fren of mine pull me back n started asking me...(fyi, we had just pass a shell station)

Him (whispering): "Do u think there will be an ATM machine there?"

Seriuzly, i cldnt do anythign but just stared at him in disbelief haha i guess he was whispering cuz he din 1 the others to hear but unfortunately everyone did n everyone started laffing haha...

Incident F: This happen to one of my closest fren ever..the gal in incident B was invovled in this one too but fortunately she wasnt the blur one here...

5 of us were slacking at esplanade that fatefull nite. We were bored and the gals suggested to play truth or dare but since majority of us wasnt in the mood to do any dares, we settled for a game of truth or...truth?

Well as fate wld have is, this close fren of mine who most consider him as my bst fren, had to ask the gal in incident B a qns. Knowing how sharp my fren's tongue can be at tyms, the rest of us was expecting a somewhat funny qns...here's what happened...

Him: "K, *****, y are u so tall?"

Her: "Because of my genes i guess..."

At this point the rest of us was smilling politely at how lame the qns was den this came...

Him (fyi, he wasnt joking): "So u mean to say if u wearing skirt u wld be short ah?"

I look at him in utter shock before laffing out loud man...i mean, this guy of all ppl...most of the tym he's my partner in crime yet....haha

Incident G: This happen while me n my frens was slacking somewhr near esplanade. One of them was toking abt his silat n how he may have a chance to represent spore in the upcoming sea games. We were saying how fun it wld be lyk if he got the bonuses. He was dreaming abt getting a million bucks. So i posed him the qns what wld he do wif that sum of money...here's wat he said...

Him: "if i got 1 million bucks, i give my parents 500,000 bucks each man. Then the rest i use to set up a business..."

Me: "Eh wait, the rest u set up a business?"

Him: "yah sia"

Me: "Lyk that confirm bankrupt..."

Him: "Wah lau, u bad sia..."

Me: "No seriuzly, u give ur parents 500,00 bucks each, means u aint got no money left...how 2 set up business??? haha"

I dun think there is a need to explain this further haha

I guess lyf is funny that way, cuz this type of shit happens even to the best of us. We wont noe how it hit us. It'll make us laff, be speechless or juz plain shake our heads. but main thing is that it cheers us up a little. thats y i love slacking/lepaking alot. cuz if u notice, majority of these incidents happen while im slacking. N trust me, there's many more tat i cant rmb rite now. Slacking is the best.

Y do i say this all of a sudden? Cuz reccently a fren of mine said to me that I was a "mat" n i hang out wif the "mats & minahs" n wonder y we lyk to lepak so much. I told him mat is juz short for muhammad. Dun need to generalise things. I dun really care if ppl wants to call me mat or not. Seriuzly it doesnt bother me. Abt the 2nd part, Y i lyk to "lepak" so much...? The answer is simple...some call it lepak, some call it chilling some call it slacking some call it hanging out. Call it wat u want, its the same bloody thing n everyone is guilty cuz everyone does it. Dun look down on ppl juz cuz they call it lepak...cuz u go slacking. Its the same blody thing. Just in different language. Basic principle of all those things is to relax n have fun. Dun blame me for wanting that cuz i noe u do it too haha

OUTZ....

On Fine Day

2007-06-14T22:20:00.000+08:00

On Fine Day

I had intended to blog abt my crazy day today, a day full of pranks, jokes n basically juz funny stuff but i feel that mebi i shd adress smth more impt.

Its abt this certain gal. I duno if u still read my blog but I'm just got write this down anyways.

I must say that i am slightly offended by u asking me to stop wat i'm doing cuz this is going nowhere. Dun get me wrong, I'm not offended by the nowhere part, that i know. I'm offended by u saying stop wat im doing. Cuz frankly im not sure wat u toking abt.

I think back, the last tym we tok was last tuesday. Seriuzly, i can't think of anything that makes u say that cuz i treated u lyk i wld to a normal fren. The most was i teased u wif a few ppl who i wont mention names here. Mebi u mistook it for jelousy. Now, i'm not gg to pretend that my feelings for you is gone but my teasing, it isnt jelousy of any sort. It was typical me. I like to tease n joke ard. Rmb when teratai had dilema of who to choose? Rmb me teasing her lyk there's no tmr? That's just what i do...

Frankly, yeah i do have feelings for you but lyk i said b4, i accept the fact that im onli a fren and nuthing more. U can ask roma if u dun bliff me. Why, just last wk i had this conversation wif him abt me giving up hope and wanting to move on. N when i say i accepted my role as a fren, i really mean it. i bear no jelousy to those guys cuz i noe u're gonna end up wif someone. Sooner or later. I hole no grudges of any sort. I swear.

I had the urge to assure you just now thru sms. To explain to u how I'm feeling now but i tot otherwise. Cuz 1stly, i dun think u were in the mood to listen my explaination. 2ndly, i guess if thats wat u wanted den....

The reason y i keep quiet when u tok abt guys is simply cuz i just duno wat to say. I mean, cmon, im a guy sia, wat can i possibly say? I dun even say much when one of my bro tok to me abt how cute or pretty or sexy a gal is. The onli tym i usually say smth is if they ask me for advise on certain gals...Seriuzly, there's no more jelousy. Just acceptance. And acceptance, u may find out, is a strong emotion.

I duno, mebi u get the idea of me being jelous cuz i sound irritated, To be honest, i sound that way cuz of the way u answer me sometyms. I mean cmon, sometyms i tok to u nicely and all i get is "jgn kaypoh"...Seriuzly, is that how u answer ur other frens? U say its hard to go back to normal frens? Mebi its cuz u noe abt my feelings for u. Seriuzly, forget abt that. I mean, when was the last tym i brought it up? I cant rmb.

Abt those other stuff lyk wake up kols n stuff. I do that for other ppl too. I even offered teratai in front of u once. It got nuthing to do wif how i feel. Abt nagging at u wen u cabut sch? God, ask roma at the number of tyms i did tat to him. Ask him how i pestered him to go back to sch wen he quit...I care cuz tats wat frens do.

When u smsed me this afternoon saying mebi we shd stop toking on the fone now, i seriuzly wanted to argue my case. Cuz 1stly, to me, ending it this way wld simply make things more awkward. I mean give me tym to prove that im not hoping for anything more den frens. I duno mebi u just need the space. Its ok...

More importantly y i dun 1 this 2 stop...? The reason is simple. I guess i juz need a companion to tok too. I admit, i noe loads of ppl but the problem is there's onli a handful who i can really tok too. N those ppl happen to be roma, teratai, ahmad, yazid and u. N now, Roma has just enlisted. Tai n ahmad will be too bz enjoying their new found adventure. Yazid is bz wif work and his family...

I guess if u no longer 1 2 tok to me its ok...but i admit, the tyming sux...i respect ur decision...but damn...i really need a companion...not to tok abt my lyf, sumone to just laff wiff or sometyms, at....

But thats that i guess, just rmb, if u need sumone, any no one seems to be ard. Find me k. I bear no grudges n honestly, dun woory abt my feelings k. I seriuzly given up. Beyond hope. I noe, u made it clear a long tym ago nothings gonna happen. I swear.... Take Care my fren....

PS - Honestly, i hope our conversations wldnt end cuz i really need to laff....

OUTZZ...

The Truth

2007-05-25T14:39:00.000+08:00

The Truth

Si je pourrais, je voudrais seulement te faire le sourire, si vous voulez le séjour avec moi pendant quelque temps.

J'ai essayé ainsi écrire dur une chanson pour toi mais moi deviner que mes mots ne feront jamais.

Peechless...

2007-05-05T00:23:00.000+08:00

Peechless...

A famous person once said "A person isn't who they are during the last conversation u had wif them. They are who they have been through out the whole relationship."

I guess that means that u shdn't judge a person or blame someone just based on one incident. Judge sumone as a whole. Dun always remember the good or bad a person have done. Remember both. Cos u wouldnt want someone to remember u for onli the bad things rite. I guess u shd always treat sumone the same way u treat others. But i noe all of us are just humans and forget that sometyms.

Why am i saying all of this suddenly? I duno, mebi cos i aint got nuthing better to say. Or mebi cos i feel that what i have to say is better left unsaid, I've lost count of tym when i regret saying stuff. Mebi i shd start keeping quiet more huh? Silence is golden some say. Some say its boring. To me, its deafening.

Many noe im quiet strait foward. I try not to be sometyms but i find it so easy. The onli tym when im not being striat foward is when im avoiding the truth or plainly making ppl paranoid. Y make ppl paranoid? Cos its fun haha yeah i lyk to kid around. But thats a different stroy for a different tym. Back to being strait foward, that's the reason y i keep quiet sometyms. I prefer to state my opinion strait out sometyms, mainly abt how i feel. N sometyms, i feel that by doing that, i may be unfair towards certain ppl. Ppl who may mean alot to me. Let's face it, someone maybe important to u but u may not be as important to him/her. But it won't be fair to complain or be sad abt it. U just got to accept it. Why? Cos lyf is basically unfair.

Ppl may say im thinking negatively but wat is fairness actually? When i say lyf is unfair, i juz mean that everybody won't get the same thing. Simply coz its not possible, unless god wants it to be of cos. So what if lyf's unfair? Im not gonna be one of those who complain n not do shit abt it. I guess i've done that long enuf. Its tym for me to grow up. Tym for me to do smth. Stop dreaming of a happy lyf and start trying to make it happen.

Stop caring if ppl say u're emo. Is wrong for me to have feelings n not bottle it up lyk u ppl? If im wrong for being sad when im truly am sad, den kill me. Mebi im weak if sometyms i just need tym to think. Mebi im weak if sometyms i just start feeling lost. Mebi. But tell me, who have not felt lost before. Not even once? Cmon, dun kid oursleves. Lyf is very complicated. Its stranger den fiction. Its smth not easy to understand. So they's no wrong in being lost or showing how u feel. Its onli human.

But noeing how uncertain lyf is, it makes me wonder abt the future. The other day while in a conversation wif a fren, i started thinking... What if, mebi, just mebi one day, u meet a special person, a great guy. U're interested, he's interested. Suddenly u're toking to him more n more. And we stop toking on the fone. Im ok wif that, kinda expecting it to happen. Den things get more seriuz btwn u n him n i start seeing u less n less online. Hmm, expecting that too. Den u start gg on a aonderful adventure wif him n who noes, 1 year down the road, U happen to be online the same tym as me. U'll look at my nick. Mebi u'll remember me or mebi u'll have to check my email add n try to think who they hell i am. Den mebi u'll realise who i am n mebi we catch up abit saying polite "hello"s and "how r u?"s n the conversation will end a few minits later. Lyf goes on. U fall in love deeper wif him. Den mebi another year or so later, u n him decides to go out lyk u usually do. And den mebi u';; bump into one of my close frens, someone u noe well to mebi. N u'll say hi n say how he's been. He'll say he's fine n stuff. Den u'll ask abt our circle of frens n how they r one by one. U'll go down the list of names. Den mebi, u'll ask, what abt that guy? N u realise u can't even remember my name. N he'll promt u by saying "Oh that guy?", He'll pause n looks down n say that im no longer ard....n u'll be shocked for a moment or two. den a awkward silence. Lyf goes on...

I asked u once, when i die, wld u be at my funeral? U answered me yes. I hope its true but i'll be honest, i won't blame u if u don't. I accepted the fact that im just a fren. N i noe someday mebi we'll lose contact. Heck, mebi someday u won't even remember who i am. And i just wanted to say, it's ok. I won't blame u. That's just how lyf is. But the funny thing abt lyf, there's always hope. So i hope u won't blame me for hoping sometyms. I'm onli human. N i hope u forgive me for keeping quiet sometyms. Its not that i've got nuthing to say. Its juz the opposite in fact. I've got so many things i want to say to u but i noe it wld be unfair to u if i did.

If i could, I'd onli want to make u smile.

Lyf goes on....

Outz.....

Reflections.....

2007-04-16T14:05:00.001+08:00

Reflections.....

Reflection is one thing i sumtyms do when im alone. N most of the tym, it leaves me wondering of wat i shd do in the future. Im not juz toking abt career here, im toking abt general. Wat shd i do abt myself. That's y sumtyms i dislike sitting alone. Kinda explain y i bug roma so much abt slacking outside. I guess he's one of the very few ppl who i can tok to. N he noes me so well tat sumtyms i dun even need to tok.

I noe reflection is good as onli den u'll get to learn from ur mistakes n wat not but i tink i can really do without it for now. Im oredy down enuf as it is. There's so many things going on at the moment, as usual but sumhow i feel so helpless nowdays. Helpless n speechless. N when i say speechless, i literally means speechless.

I noe many of my close frens will noe my trademark line wheneva they ask me if im ok. I'll always answer “I'm always ok, dun worry abt me.” Or how i tend to cover up my sadness/pain/hurt by cracking jokes and doin crazy jokes...sum wonder y. What can i say. There was one instance when elfi told me i wasnt myself tat day. Tat i seemed very high. She wanted to noe y i was so happy...haha so i told her the truth. I wasnt “high”at all. In fact i was kinda down. She tot i was lying but i put in simple terms to her. And that is “Ï lead a sad lyf but i prefer doing it wif a smile”.

Fortunately, i dun become sad when im really happy lol but the way i act when im covering up for my sadness is way different from when im truly happy. I tend to be more “crazy” i guess, in a manner of speaking. Is it obvious u may ask. I guess it is, to those who wld bother to take notice.
The prob is, i got so much things on my mind lately that sumtyms i really have no idea of wat to say. And tat's wat i mean by speechless.

I guess i shd probably stop tinking abt my feelings for sumone at the moment. Afterall, i was neva any good at dealing wif matters of the heart and is not as if anything is going to happen. I dare say my feelings is leading me nowhere. I'd lyk to say i'm giving up n moving on but i cant ctrl how i feel. Im no robot. I juz have to live wif it i guess. I heard ppl say the more u suffer, the more it shows u care. Juz wonder if its true.....

Hopefully wif tat put aside, i can concentrate on how i shd go abt making things better for myself. Especially regarding my band. Everyone noes music is my one place of sanctuary. Well, i duno, we'll see how it goes. About everything else, my fam, my so called future, my religion and abt myself as a person, i duno....kinda feel lyk i no longer noe what to do. Mebi i'm juz tired. Tired of everything.....

Wrote the start of a new song yesterday by the way. I intended to write this abt a mth ago but juz cldnt get the momentum going till yest... Here's how the lyrics go...

“I was getting uninspired, And everything is so old and tired, maybe I just don't wanna do this anymore. Maybe we're just getting tired, let's take a break, are we having fun yet? Maybe we should pack things up and not do this anymore. But everything seems ok when my brothers are around me, so lets take it up a notch, not have different thoughts and quit this tired old game. And I say, everything seems ok when my brothers are around me, so lets take it up a notch, not have different thoughts and quit this tired old game. And i say heyz....”

“I hope u're not toking to me out of pity or guilt...I rather have u tok to me cuz u want to...”

.....

2007-04-09T17:22:00.000+08:00

.....

Can i please have some good news coming soon in my lyf.....haiz....

Sometyms i wonder if ur fickleness is due to ur fear of failure or being laughed at. U've taken the last straw from me. Walk away now and dun look back. U're still my brother but dun once think i have forgotten anything. Outz.....

Speechless

2007-04-03T09:00:00.000+08:00

Speechless

Its been months since i completed a song. The last song i wrote was Hook, Line & Sinker. The 1st song tat i wrote based on imagination. It took lyk 2 weeks for me to complete that. That was back in november. Now is april...so imagine my relief when i finally came up wif a tune that i am finally satisfied wif.

I took off yest, coincidently it was my mom's birthday, so happy birthday mom...and oh yah, happy birthday to riff too...niways, unfortunately i got sick on my offday so decided to stay home instead of gg to fad's hse for session...niways, was watching prison break when i suddenly had the urge to play my guitar. So basically i paused the show and went to my room to get my guitar...

The moment i started playing, the chords came...it has also been awhile since i actually finish a song in less den a day, the last was moderation, over 4 yrs back. I guess it had to take smth special for this to happen again...

So niways, took me total of abt 4 hrs to complete the song and wen it was done, i decided to name it speechless. I have my reasons.But looks lyk i may have to chg the title cuz roma told me tat fenix tx has got a song wif the name title....we'll see...

Niways, i juz wanted to post the lyrics here for future reference as usual...

Speechless

What can I say when I no longer know what to do,
I guess u'll neva know what i'll do for u,
I've tried so hard to write a song for u,
But i guess my words will neva do,

I know ur heart belongs to someone else,
But i wanted u to know,
No matter what u need,
No matter when u need,
That i'll still be there for u...

What can i say, what can i do,
And I'll still be there for u,
I cannot help juz how i feel,
And I'll still be there for u,
No matter what u need,
And i'll still be there for u,

What can i say when i no longer know what to do,
What should i do when im wif u,
I hate this awkwardness when i lie to u,
When i say that im ok,

I know ur heart belongs to someone else,
But i wanted u to know,
How special u have been,
And for all the joy u bring,
I want to thank you,

What can i say, what can i do,
And I'll still be there for u,
I cannot help juz how i feel,
And I'll still be there for u,
No matter what i'll do,
And i'll still be there for u,

I'll train myself to listen in my sleep if u should,
Ever tok in ur dreams and i juz,
Want to shelter u away from all the hurt and pain that,
U've been facing all ur lyf...
And I'll be there for u,

What can i say, what can i do,
And I'll still be there for u,
I cannot help juz how i feel,
And I want to thank you,
What can i say, what can i do,
And I'll still be there for u,
I cannot help juz how i feel,
And I want to thank you,
No matter what u need,
And i'll still be there for u,
And for all the joy u bring,
I want to thank you,
No matter what i'll do,
And I'll still be there for u,
And for getting to know u,
I want to thank you....

What do u do....

2007-04-02T11:03:00.000+08:00

What do u say....

What do u say when u no longer know wat to do...?

Falling...

2007-03-26T14:46:00.000+08:00

Falling...

A piece of advice for myself from myself....Get out while u still can, b4 u fall in deeper. Pls, stop urself from falling further. Afterall, u're juz gonna be in her way. Let her be happy. Step aside......

I'm choking on nuthing. Its clear in my head. Knowing nuthing is better den knowing at all....On my Own....

As i grow older...

2007-03-20T10:53:00.000+08:00

As i grow older...

I'm all alone in the office rite now. So damn bored. Recently sumone asked me abt y i no longer blog. I dun really have an answer to that. I first started blogging cuz i was bored n wanted to try smth new n oso cuz since blogging was such a popular sport among my frens. It later become a place whr i cld write out how i felt. Later on, i started posting lyrics of songs tat i reccomend ppl to go listen to. But after re-reading my old entries n my tag board (since i got nuthing to do here anyway), i guess this blog is juz a source of entertainment for me. Quoting amal from one of her old tags here, "U do weird stuff when ur bored"

Haha i guess tats the story of my lyf. Ahmad said i've mellowed down these past few years but thinking back, i still do or say weird stuff wen im bored. Who else wld have tot of the now Famous "Nasi Goreng Lebat" hehe for those who have crickets in their brains now, dun hesitate asking me wats tat all abt the next tym u see me online.

I guess lyf have been pretty ok for me. Had a gig last feb, Streetkraft 07. 1st gig i ever organized. Yet, now ppl come to me n ask me abt gigs as if im oredy a pro....c'mon, i've onli juz organized 1, ONE gig. I still got a lot to learn k. I noe several members of Scratch n Streetsites have come up to me saying they respect n salute me for having the guts/vision/ambition or wateva u want to kol it, to organize this gig. Well, all i have to say is tat i appreciate ur support and feedback. I duno if i did a gd job but thks. N also, i must add, i wasn't alone in this. Without roma's, fahmy's n the CC's staff help, StreetKraft 07 wldnt have happen. So pls, dun give me all the credit. They deserve the credits. And so do all the bands that played on that fateful day. Sori the crowd cldn't be bigger. Hope if there is a next tym, it'll be better.

Apart from that, lyf have been kind of a mess. But i guess tats pretty normal isn't it? Who can out rite say they have their lyf in ctrl? Not many. So wat if my lyf was a mess? Im proud of it. Without tat mess, i wldnt be who i am today. Tho i wish i cld be better at expressing myself. Cuz rite now, i have smth to say to someone tat i juz dun noe how to....

U noe that feeling u get wen things are new? Wen everything thing is still exciting? Wen u look foward to the conversations every single day? Or the happiness u get juz by listening to the momentary pause (or silence if u think abt it) during the long hrs of toking. I guess, in a way, im gg thru that wonderful adventure. Im not really sure what to kol it, Love? Nope, too strong. Crush/Lyk? Nah, too weak....i duno.

All i noe is tat im enjoying myself so much tat i wish this never ends. I dun really care how tired i am cuz there have been tyms wen i din get to slp for lyk 2 days...n most of the tym, i juz slp for 1-3 hrs per day. But i noe all good things dun last. I dread the day when this is gona stop. I duno how is gona stop, but i noe one day it will. Yet, i think im not afraid. Im not afraid to feel tat hurting feeling anymore. I tink u're worth it. I dun really noe wat it is abt u. But, i duno lah.

I noe u told me not to hide or keep my tots to myself, but thats how i am. I've never been gd at expressing myself n I've never been comfortable telling ppl how i feel. I wish i cld tell u but i juz duno how to put dem into words. I bet u the words wld be jumbled up if i tried. N i dun even noe how u feel yet. Sure u entertain me practically every nite but tat doesnt reallyprove much. It juz says tat u'r nice. N dun say that u'r heartless, I noe tat hard exterior is juz a front. Even u admit u're shock at how well i noe within such a short tym.

I told a fren of mine awhile ago tat i wasnt really looking for a gf rite now. Im looking for sumone who i can spent tym wif to have fun n njoy. Forget abt all those mushy-mushy stuff. Forget all those reportin of strength tat i've seen my frens do countless of tyms. Basically forget abt all those conventional things that happern in a bgr relationship or wateva u 1 2 kol. Niways, i not sure if i explain it rite but my fren understood me. N she told me wat i wanted was near impossible. I kept quiet n ask myself y? Y is it near impossible? Especially since i think i found tat very person now. That so very special gal. That special gal to whom i...I guess i juz duno wat to say. I hope u get better soon.

I guess as i grow older, i chg. Juz lyk everyone else. Im not sure if i lyk wat im chging into but i cant say i dun lyk it either. I guess lyf will always be lyk tat. U noe, wen everything is gg rite, u will feel lyk u r a gd person. But wen everythings is in chaos u feel lyk all ur frens hate u kinda thing...Wat a drag rite...but wat choice do we have other den live it. Mite as well make full use of it n have fun. N i wish tat we can have the fun together.

This has been one hell of long entry. Juz compensating for the long absence i guess.

Outz....

Short And Sweet....

2007-03-18T20:31:00.000+08:00

Short And Sweet....

This song been kinda stuck in my head for the pst few weeks...God i miss jamming....

im gonna make this short and sweet
im gonna let my heart speak
i've been so mad cuz he treats you bad
but thats not what i would do

cuz id kill for you
id do you things that i know he wouldnt do
i write these words and i want the truth
why cant i be with you
why cant i be the guy for you

he breaks your heart and he tells you lies
why do girls always fall for these guys
he never bothers to listen to you
but thats not what i would do

id kill for you
id do you things that i know he wouldnt do
i write these words and i want the truth
why cant i be with you
why cant i be the guy for you

why cant i be the guy for you..

id kill for you
id do you things that i know he wouldnt do
i write these words and i want the truth
why cant i be with you

id kill for you (id kill for you id kill for you)
id do you things that i know he wouldnt do
i write these words and i want the truth(i cry for you i cry for you)
why cant i be with you
why cant i be the guy for you

Getting to know u have been a wonderful adventure so far...

My Lyf Story....

2006-11-28T11:42:00.000+08:00

My Lyf Story....

A scene from my work place...

D: Hey, u noe of any scary shows playing in the cinema rite now?

Me: Yeah, Happy Feet...its damn scary...

D(rolling his eyes): Yah, yah that's sooo~ scary...

Me: It sure is, imagine u go to the zoo or smth den suddenly a bunch of penguins start toking to u....creepy

D: Eh, yah hor...that wld be scary

Haha...thats how work is nearly everyday here...juz a few more days...this thurs wld be my laast day. I get along well wif the guys here so u'd tink tat i'll miss this job...nah, Its too fucked up...

Sure all customer service job are the same, u get gd customers n bad ones...but somehow, it seems lyk i can barely tolerate some of the customers here...There have been tyms wen i nearly lost my temper...n once i actually ignored a very rude 10-12 yr old boy in front of his mom.

What can i say, some ppl are juz plain unreasonable. They actually have the guts to scold us who r helping them out wen we r not at fault. N there was oso one instance wen the woman din read instructions properly n started toking rudely to me. I nearly just lost it man...had to ctrl...but even then i asnwered back rudely to...i mean fuck u, don go complaining to me abt u having to make a 2nd trip here becuz u din bring the proper documents bitch.

Haiz, i guess lyf is juz full of up n downs huh....

My Lyf Story by MxPx:

I was on my way
To be with you today
well you know it's true
Because I wouldn't lie to you

First my car broke down
So then I had to hitch a ride
I was almost there
When the motor died

Don't hate me forever
I'm better late than never
I failed you
I'm sorry
That's simply my life story

I know it's much too late
To take you on a date
I know that it's no use
But this is my excuse

I was in a plane
And it was falling from the sky
I knew I had to survive
So I could say goodbye

You change your mind
Like I change the time
That I was gonna call you
Or say I was about to
You change your mind
Like I change the time
I said that I would be there
But then I didn't have a thing to wear

Self-Destruction

2006-11-20T12:57:00.000+08:00

Self-Destruction

Sometyms i wonder, am i a good personor a bad person? As in, do the ppl ard me hate me? Or mebi im juz tolerable. It seems lyk the onli logical explaination of why i always seem to hang out or stick ard wif the same few person...namely roma n fad.

Y the sudden reflection? Well, cuz i feel hurt rite now. I have a fren who i feel very much indebted too. we used to be close but things chg. I noe i have to live wif the chges cuz chges will happen no matter wat. But it really hurts wen i offer a token of appreciation for helping me so much in the past n was turned down.

All i did was ask if it was possible for us to meet up for a short while before i serve my natinal service, my treat. I really dun see any harm in this. But apparently, she doesn't agree. The onli reason she agreed to meet me initially was cuz she wanted to return some cds of mine which she borrowed. N even then, it was more lyk meet up for a few mins to pass the cds n leave...so, Am i tat bad of a person?

Sometyms i do wonder if the frenship we shared meant a thing to her now. I duno, I'm sick now...mebi tat's y i'm so pissed off abt this.

So, my kind audience who may hate or not lyk me too much, sit back n njoy. And pls, WATCH ME SELF-DESTRUCT............

Invitation...

2006-07-13T10:59:00.000+08:00

Invitation

I noe it's been a long tym since i've blog...but juz no mood ah...dun tink anyone visits here anymore anyways haha

Niways, today entry has a purpose. Im handing out n invitation to anyone intereted to come to tapestry two006. This year's event will be held between 21st july to the 23rd july at 4 different venues, Far East, Heeren, Wheelock and another venue is still to be cfmed... The event will start from 7-10pm on fri and 1-10pm on sat & sun for all the venues. This means that the streets of Orchard will be filled wif performers throughout that weekend.

For those who do not know wat Tapestry is all abt, i'll explain abt it here a little.
Tapestry is an annual busking event wif the main goal of raising funds for different charity organisation. This yr's benificianary is Marian Centre, a day-care centre for children from less fortunate families... Its usually held in the streets of orchard in the mth of July or August tho there have been tyms whr it happened in some HDB hubs...Its organized by youth from the High Five youths of Central Singapore Community Development Council or CSCDC for short. For more information on this, visit www.centralsingapore.org.sg/tapestry

Anyways, the reason why i noe abt this event is cuz my band was involve in this 2 yrs ago. If u check my very 1st entry, it was abt that. We were given 1/2 hr to perform back den but due to inexperience and all, we took onli abt 20 mins...The gd news for us is that we r gg to perform in it again this yr after missing out on last yr's event. Hopefully we do better this tym. Our slot is on the 22nd July 4pm at Heeren. Im not sure whr exactly but juz follow the noise. So if whoever is reading this is free on any of the days, come down n support not only my band but also the rest of our local perfromers...and if u r in a charitable mood, do donate too...it is for a gd cause anyways...think abt those poor adorable children from Marian centre...

As long as im logged in here, i mite as well blog abt wats been gg on a little...I've been kinda down lately, mainly bcuz of my internal ipp or internal attachment. The reason being i feel that i've been treated unfairly by my supervisor. Let me explain. There have been twice wen my supervisor accuse me of not being at my table but during those tyms, i was here. In fact, the 1st tym was wen she was holding a grp discussion which lasted for 2 hrs...it was damn boring n somehow she said i wasnt there...the 2nd tym was during my presentation. She was there wif my independant marker. I presented infront of both of dem...few days later she said i din come for the presentation...imagine how pist i was...

Another thing is the amt of work she gives our grp...during the 1st mth, she din give us any work except for some grp discussion n planing for the project. Yet after our short presentation of what we have done, she said "huh, that's all ah?" N also, she complains to my course co-ordinator(CC) that i cannot deliver the work given to me...

Another thing abt ipp is the log book whr u suppose to write ur daily work. At the begining of the ipp, i ask her wat to do wif it as im unsure of it. She took it and said she will ask sumone abt it...the nxt day she return to me n said to hold it 1st...now she complains to my CC that i dun give the log bk to her at the end of every week even tho she asks for it...

When my CC aproach me to tell me that im gonna be under 2 weeks observation due to my supervior's complain, i was furious...so furious i cld hardly say anything...i tried to argue my case a little...n luckily my CC noes me well noeing i wldnt do such things n said from now on juz do my best...Apparently if i dun improve during these 2 weeks, i'll be dropped from my ipp...damn pist...

The thing is, i noe my supervisor is not a bad person, she taught me b4 n i found her to be strict but nice...so i think she's suffering from alzheimers or smth cuz as rumours have it, during my 1st week of ipp, she took tym off as she wasnt feeling well....wat cld be so seriuz til 1 week leave huh? i duno...

OUTZ....

Llew taht gnileef ton

2006-04-23T22:04:00.000+08:00

Llew taht gnileef ton

!Ti kcuf !!!HHHGRA...neppah annog s'gnihtun sseug I tub...ziah tol a enoemos of gnikniht neeb ev'I yletal ,ssefnoc I .gnihtemos ro niarb eht ni kcis m'I sseug I .driew ,etir fyl s'that ,neht tub...driew ,eon I haY ."dimit" sa me dellebal evah setam pyf ym fo emos taht citsard os si gnileef dedaerd sihT .detrats pyf ym ecnis gnineppah neeb stI .flesym kyl leef nud ,rehtar ro...skeew wef tsap eseht llew feel nud zuJ .em fiw gnorw staw onud I

Livin' a Dream...

2006-04-04T15:19:00.000+08:00

Livin' a Dream...

Im into the 4th week of my fyp. Its been ok but kinda boring. Thank god for frens haha Tho i got to admit, im practising some bad habits since fyp started haha For those who dunno, i have come on time for my fyp onli twice so far haha the 1st tym on my first day and the 2nd was last week. The rest of the tym, my good fyp frens have been signing in for me, even if i dun ask dem too haha. Well the other bad habit is that i tend to be absent once a week so far even tho i aint got no mc except for the 1st week haha

Juz lyk today. Im actually kinda sick but since i've practically done my work for the week, i juz skip without mc and ask Donavan to sign in for me. Well, dun nag at me abt how im being unfair to my frens cuz this system goes vice-versa haha yah i do the same for them...

Niways, for those who actually pay attention to me the past week wld have noticed my msn nickname -"Livin' a Dream..." and the personal msg that i add on, "Mental Note: A nightmare is a type of dream" so far onli sid have commented on it. He said its funny...i duno if to others, this nick represent sadness or hapiness. To me, it totally represent lyf in general. If u check the meaning of "nightmare", its actually a bad dream. So i guess the word "Dream" can be good or bad rite? A good dream wld be happy and a bad dream wld be sad or scary. Hence, dream is the thing itself, neither good nor bad.

So to me, dreams is juz lyk lyf in the sense that we have good tym, bad tyms, happy tyms and scary tyms....but all those are juz mood or emotions. Life itself is a dream. Sometyms its a good dream sometyms its a bad dream. I mean, can anyone explain y ppl have good or bad dreams? Yah sure experts say its all connected to wat happens to us in lyf. In example something traumatic happens, u get nightmares. But isnt that moods or emotions? Smth bad happens u get sad or angry or scared...

I duno if im explainin it rite but i guess wat im saying is, dun get fooled by the phrase livin a dream. It doesnt mean that lyf is going great. It also doesnt mean lyf is going badly. All it means is that lyf is very unpredictable.

Before i go i'd juz lyk to wish my MUM n Rif a very happy birthday. It juz so happen that rif was birn on the same day as my mum and that is @nd april, the day after april's fools day. I'd like to add that this year was a record as i purposely din play any pranks on April's Fools day even tho i rmbered it. Y? Cuz i decided to chg. I will no longer play april's fools jokes again, cuz i plan to do pranks during the rest of the year haha....oso, read on amal's blog that yest was her youngest bro, saiful i think, bday. So hapi bday to him too...n good luck on havin a bro who forget wat the date is haha yah mal, im toking abt sharif haha...

15 seconds of fame...

2006-03-20T22:35:00.000+08:00

15 seconds of fame...

Yesterday was the official opening of Serangoon CC. For those who doesnt noe, they have a jam studio there. Since they were expecting many visitors some of whom are MPs, they sort of hired my band to play in their jamming studio so that ppl wld so called noe the use of it or see that their rooms are being used. So they allowed us to jam there from 2pm to 8pm for free. Thats 6 hrs. But in the end we were given an hour more. Just imagine, 1 hr cost 12 bucks for students likee us. So 7 hrs add up to...u do the math.

Anyways, as all free things goes, there was a catch. we sort of had to lie haha we were told to tell ppl that we jam there weekly. Another thing was that Senior Minister Goh Chok Thong was gg to visit and the jam studio was one of his pit stop. So naturally we were asked to play a song for him. And after listening to our demo, the organizers requested Love is Blind...

But one thing abt the studio is tat the drums were bad. Especially the high-hat. So, luckily, upon request, we were given money to buy a new set of high-hat. So as fate wld have it, we came down last friday to set up the new high-hat. I brought my bass along as Donavan juz return it to me after his church performance. Like i've always said to my frens, my bass seems to have perform more tyms den me haha seriuzly...niways, fahmy brought along his guitar too as rif wanted to borrow for the following sunday, unfortunately he heard us wrongly n brought the wrong guitar.

Niways, after setting it up, we decided to try smth new that we juz discussed upon since we got the equipment there. So as we were abt to start, some indian guy came in and said he was the vice-something of the CC. We tot we were gg to get kicked out haha as it turns out he asked us, "R u guys the Reds?" NO! haha we r Left Turn On Red. "Oh turn on red, anyway we gg to have a rehearsal for this sun so i want u all to play smth wen the Minister of Something something something(din catch it, was too annoyed he got our name wrong) comes..." Our jaws were all dropping...how last minit can u get???? So he briefed us abit saying he will intro us this way,

"this is a band made up of cuzins, they kol themselves Red on turn. This is their leader Shan..."

"Erm, actually is Left Turn On Red and my name is Shad..."

"Pardon? Shark? Shan? Shag?"

"NO NO Shad"

"How u spell that?"

"S-H-A-D, Shad"

"oh ok..."

"erm sir, i dun think we can play cuz our drummer got to go off"

"nvm, juz anyhow play, its juz a rehearsal"

So come sunday, We came ard two, tuned our guitars arrange the amps n speakers to our liking, did checks n counter check of how we sound etc, etc, etc...So wen the big moment came...we felt more confident den on last fri...we actually played and instrumental version of Zombie wif fadhly on drums haha...

Niways, as 6 was approaching, to our dismay, the same indian guy came in n said that he was gg to intro us n not to correct any mistakes if he does any during SM Goh's visit. And soon, several ppl wif cameras and video cams cam in and started to set up their equipment...they cld have told us earlier that they will be media there...sheesh...

So the big moment came...A whole grp of MPs whom i recognise but duno their name came with SM Goh in tow. And the indian guy began...

"This is our jam studio...blah blah blah...this is a band of cuzins. They call themselves Left Turn On The Red..."

At this point we were all..."HUH!!!" Fadhly was gettin ready to tok in the mike but i signal him not to...

SM Goh: At my Marine Parade GRC there's a band called Traffic Police

Everyone Else: HAHAHA Good One....(suck ups...)

Indian guy,"So they gonna play a song for u..."

ME: Orite sir, we're gonna play an original of ours titled Love Is Blind...

SM Goh: Isnt it always...

Me: Well, yeah...so here it goes...

Unfortunately since he was bz we were told earlier to cut our 4 mins 22 secs song to 2 mins so we basically played 1 verse plus the bridge. We even had to cut out riff's solo...wat a drag...

Niways after that we continued playing among ourselves till abt 7.30 wen my sis came in wif some food...we sat down hungrily and eat like a couple of banglas by the roadside haha juz as we were finishing our food, fad got a kol from his dad, he had to go off for camp. His dad was sending him. So we slacked abit till ard 8.15 wen riff's parent surprised us by visiting...they wanted to hear smth from us so we end up playing again till abt 9.30 wen we packed up and leave...

While packing up tho, some gal name annice from nyp student unioun called me to invite The Tinnitus Effect (my bandzout band) to audition for some jam hop comp. With auditions in 2 days...sheesh so little time...

So off we went downstairs to store fad's amp temporarily at my sis office. While waiting for her to come out and take the amp, we were slacking and toking nonsense wen i receive a sms from Kai Ting...thats a surprise, she dun usually contact me...this is wat she said...

"Shad saw u in channel 8 news sia... Lol... Wah on tv sia..."

I was like WTH!!!! Everyone was surprised by my reactionand grab my fone to read and all their jaws kinda drop...we really din expect this. Den i tot mebi she's pulling my leg but then again, she din noe abt this event. N y wld she lie??? SO i called her up to cfm n yeah...we were on tv...Unfortunately, due to the drums positioning, Roma was omitted...

Feeling kinda 'malu' yet happy i went home tired...wif shoulder aching due to lugging the heavy bass ard for 7 hrs...

The next morning, or rather noon, i reach sch and logged on to my msn...without hesitation Wen Chun msged me...and said...

"wah shad, cool ah...i saw u on tv this morning...singing and playing guitar..."

I was like wth...again???? and having kaypoh grp mates, both donavan and jun jie read the window and both said "WAH..."

SHEESH....

And now as im blogging me, Zombie msged me saying "yo" haha that is strange cuz we hardly chat at all, even wen in class... so i replied, "yoz, wassup?" n he said

"u appear on tv ah?"

me: How u noe????

Zomb: "i watch..."

Haiz...guess i cant hide it...sheesh...so i guess i finally got my 15 seconds of fame along wif Fad and rif...pity for roma who was that but not in view and fahmy who cldnt make it due to him being in KL...

Anyways, juz for the record...MY NAME IS SHAD AND MY BAND NAME IS LEFT TURN ON RED...

OUTZ....

Condolences....

2006-03-18T18:09:00.001+08:00

Condolences....

The past week was my 1st week of fypj. Kinda bored there in the lab. Been wanting to blog abt lots of stuff for the past 2-3 weeks but the moment i get to the com, my desire to blog seems to go away n my mind turns blank. I duno y lah...even wen im free during my fyp, i juz no mood to blog...

Aniways, luckily my project doesnt involve any programming at all. Its all documentation. Couple of my frens who i got to noe this past week say im lucky but everything got their pros and cons rite....

Tho documentation is fairly easy, its tedious. Our job is to turn a use-case into a test-case and finally into a test-data. For those who noe wat im toking abt, its fairly easy rite? Well, the thing is, there are abt more den 300+ use-cases altogether to be finished in 2 mths tym. And some use-cases can have up to 30-40 alternate flows....To do one successful conversion, we actually need to understand a use-case first. And without the aid of the actual application-which we dun have- its fairly difficult to understand. The only thing we have is the user-interface to help us out....but damn tedious, have to keep on scrolling and scrolling or flipping and flipping the pages we printed out...luckily our room got a printer. Furthermore, the content of this project is confidential and they actually specially selected the 13 of us...as if i really believe that haha...no one can enter our lab which explains the boring part...

Aniways, now to some sad news. I wld like to give my concolences to Fadhly and family. For those who doesnt noe, his grandfather passed away last thurs. It came as a shock for me as it was his grandmother who was seriuzly ill. Knowing fadhly, he dun usually show his emotion but i noe for a fact how sad he really is. I hope he's coping well especially since he's without any family in camp now. What a thing to happen on his 1st week of NS. I noe his dad is sad. In fact my mom told me tat wen she n my dad went to the funeral, fadhly's dad whom i call mamuni, confided to my dad saying that his father-in-law(the on who passed away) called him the nite before complaining of some discomfort or some sort. Mamuni offered to bring him to the clinic but he rejected saying it was oredy late and he wld prefer to go the next day and dismiss any insitance from mamuni. So wen news got to mamuni that he passed away the next morning, mamuni was dumbfounded. I guess i was shocked to wen i got the news...

Fad, manage to get excuse from camp to go to the funeral that day. Wen i got there wif riff, he seemed very cheery but i knew better. N i was proven rite wen later we were somewat alone he told me that he had juz finished footdrill wen his officer called him into the office. His 1st tot was that he did smth wrong but wen he was told the bad news, he started to tear...he told me he really cldnt control it. I guess that shows how well i noe him. Later, rauf, fad's younger cousin, approached me n told me how he breakdown in front of his officer wen he was asking to be excused for that day. I guess it shows how well loved their grandfather was...

OUTZ....

Condolences....

2006-03-18T18:09:00.000+08:00

Condolences....

Have u ever???

2006-03-06T23:59:00.000+08:00

Have u ever???

Have u ever experienced a mixed feeling of happiness n sadness at the same tym? As in, feeling so happy that u feel like u'r on top of the world, like nuthing bad cld happen to dampen ur spirit but at the same tym, somewhere inside u, u juz feel so down, so out, like u wish u din have to continue living or mebi not sure of how to go on and face each and everyday of ur life anymore. Like ur world has cam crumbling down n there's no way u cld pull urself up again?

Well thats how i feel now. I duno y. Cant explain it. I can understand the joy. Most prob its cuz of the encouraging remarks my band is getting for our demo. Things have been happening fast since we recorded our 1st ever demo last monday, 27th feb 2006. Suddenly, ppl want copies of our demo and listening to our song over n over again according to dem. Suddenly our band profile is up at pure-rock.net as my fren manage to convince us to put our profile there. Suddenly there's a request for us to correct our mistakes on our demo, produce more songs as ppl want to send to a radio station...suddenly, suddenly, suddenly...

I duno abt the sadness part tho...haiz...i wish i knew....

PS-Want to listen to our demo, juz ask from me. N btw, we're looking for ppl to help create website for us. Currently, onli one volunteer. Anyone interested juz msg me....

OUTZ....

Kids...

2006-02-21T20:29:00.000+08:00

Kids...

Went to my aunt's place last sat, the one in pasir ris. Hse no. 69 if sum of u rmb...niways, there were quite a number of us tat day, me n fad actually came over to help her hubby re-arrange some furniture. We asked eqhmal n syafiq along to help but they came late. N i duno how news got ard but wen sadiq, sabiq n hisham heard we were gg to slp over there, they busybodily came too. We din mind having them, juz tat annoyed tat they wanted to join in the fun but none of them had the initiative to come earlier to help us...haiz...

Niways, sabiq is onli 7 years old, so he was kinda the baby there. No surprise that me n fad had to take extra care of him. He is kinda stubborn, it was oredy 2am n he din want to slp. Haiz...

The reason y im writing is this cause putting him to slp really remind me of my younger days...

U see, wen i was younger, many of my younger cousins were very attached to me. I guess the 1st n the closest was a young syafiq. We r 5 yrs apart. during my pre-pri sch days, my mum use to send me over to my granny's place(Syafiq fam stays wif my granparents). So since me n him was the onli children ard, we kinda click. I oso used to slp over his house alot n one thing i rmb was him always waking me up by jumping ard the bed n shouting haha he was cute man...

2 years later, his younger bro, sadiq, was born...and it was the same routine all over again. The onli difference was that this tym ard, sadiq was waking me n syafiq up haha...

Also, few years ago, wen my uncle on my dad's side was having financial probs n so had to stay at my hse for a short while. He had a 2 year old daughter name ayuni. She's very cute...but arent all children are? haha niways, i was doing my O's for the 1st tym tat yr, n i had a lot of trouble...haha mainly is due to how attached she was to me. She too keep waking me up very early in the morning even wen i slpt very late at nite studying. There was once i slpt over farhan's place. Well i din really slp, more lyk study the nite long. Well, we planned to study but end up playing gitar haha niways, that nite my mum kolled me as ayuni was searching for me haha so had to tok to her on the fone for a few minits.

The next afternoon wen i reach home, i was surprise to find some of my relatives at my place...before i cld 'salam' them, ayuni ran to the door n shouted "ABANG!!" haha yah tats wat she kolled me. So i had to carry her ard while i 'salam' my relatives...i planned to go to slp since i din slp the day before but ayuni wldnt leave me alone. In the end i manage to convince her to slp nect to me. Wen i woke up, she wasnt next to me nemore. My mum told me tat she lie beside me awake, not slping. It took her dad to convince her to go out to eat. N by the tym i wake up, she was slping.

Actually, the 1st tym my uncle's fam came to my hse, ayuni was very attached to her dad. She wldnt go anywhr without her dad, even to the toilet. Even her mum cldnt make her eat. Only her dad cld tell her wat to do. A daddy's gal i guess. but after 1 week, she got attached to me n after that, it was either me or her dad...

Nowadays, children tend to be scared of me. Mebi cuase of my 'fierce' face...i duno so i kinda miss those tyms...1st syafiq, sadiq, jayanthi n her bro achivan and lastly ayuni....for those who duno, jayanthi n achivan are the children of my dad's best fren. So they are like god bro n sis to me tho im closer to jayanthi....now, the younger generation lyk my nephews Danials(there's 2 of them haha), ramdan n my niece Dayana, are not close to me. Well i have one more nephew, Iman who was very attached to me but i seldom meet him nowadays. U noe wat, come to think of it, actually ramdan is not my nephew, he is my niece's, Hidayah son which makes me my grandchild.

Haiz...the onli regret i have is that i dun have pictures taken wif dem wen they were young due to my dislike of taking fotos haha...now most of dem are all grown up n i dun have a songle foto taken wif dem...y am i repeating this? i duno haha

OUTZ.....

"I know that you'll never love me... I know that I'm a monster... But you treat me like a man... And so i thank you for that..."

Everything Sucks...

2006-02-09T23:14:00.000+08:00

Everything Sucks...

All I ever needed was to eat popcorn with you,
Come on over,
Watch the late show,
Stay up talking until two

Today's the day you're leaving,
And tomorrow you'll be gone
You're in my heart and on my mind,
I will bring you along

Everything sucks when you're gone,
Everything sucks when you're gone

A dream of our reunion makes me crazy just to think,
How so very far away you are,
My hope begins to sink

Today's the day you're leaving,
And tomorrow you'll be gone
You're in my heart and on my mind,
I will bring you along

Everything sucks when you're gone,
Everything sucks when you're gone

It's not ok,
I've baked dinner here for two,
And it's not ok,
I've got candles lit for you,
And It's not ok,
I've got you're favorite records out,
And it's not ok,
You should have let it be,
And ran after me

Today's the day you're leaving,
And tomorrow you'll be gone
You're in my heart and on my mind,
I will bring you along

Everything sucks when you're gone,
(I want you! I need you!)
Everything sucks when you're gone
(I want you! I need you!) [x2]

A week of slacking....

2006-02-06T00:04:00.000+08:00

A week of slacking....

Damn tired now, been slacking for nearly everyday the past week. Not enuff slp sia...Haiz, lets see....

It all began wif the long cny weekend...Well, actually i din really slack last fri n sat but my cuzin got engaged last sat so i was out. N yeah i cut my hair on sat too n tat got a big reaction from my frens, wonder y....

Niways, fad was telling me tat he wanted to go penin on sun to chg his guitar strings. He said his fren An was following. Not wanting to be the xtra wheel, i asked roma along. Somehow me n roma decided to mit earlier. On the way there i sumhow got the msg tat An wasnt coming tho i dun rmb how. N so on a whim, i contacted Ahmad to join us.

Seeing how it was cny, we forgot tat the shop was closed so in the end, me roma, fad n mad slack at esplanade till late nite...it was there tat me n fad rmbered tat we had to take care of our granny the next nite as our aunt went off on a holiday. Wanting more fun, we asked roma to join us n he did...

So we kinda sneaked him in tat following monday nite as we din tell our parents tat he wld be comin haha had lots of fun man. Mostly we played PS2 thru out the nite. Fad fell aslp at ard 4. So me n roma continued playing till early morn. U see roma planned to go off at the 1st bus but we got so engrossed in the game tat he finally left at 7. haha i had to smuggle him out haha funny man...

Niways i fell aslp at ard 8 after cleaning up abit. Woke up at ard 11 plus n played gitar abit. At 1 roma called to cfm abt slacking later at town wif amal n gang. Once again we planned to mit earlier. This tym ard, irma(his gf) went along...Met amal, rosz n minah at ard 7-8...slack the whole tym. Bumped into radhi(rosz bro) n his fren there n they join us for awhile...went home at 11+ as usual...watch a movie n fell aslp ard 4-5 till i woke up late n missed my med check up haha

Since i din have to do anythin at home decided to go sch cuz did plan to slack wif the gang later. reach sch ard 2+ slack wif fahmy, played gitar n bumped into azie n lc later at ard 5+ din noe they were still in sch, tot they had gone home for the day. So went to bishan later on n slacked wif the usual suspects, fad, roma, has, rif n eqhmal. Slack till late as usual. Laffed out hearts out n made plans for session the next day.

Reached home ard 12 tat nite. Watch another movie while doin my tutorials...yeah for the 1st tym...finished everything up at ard 3.30...damn slpy by then so went to slp strait....had to wake up by 6.30 as i had morning class the next day. So onli had 3 hrs of slp. Went to sch, reached on tym, again a 1st haha n guess what, turns out, my lessons were cancelled! Sheesh damn pissed man... so slack in sch till abt 2 n went off wif fahmy to town area...later on followed fad to penin to chg his strings den went to riff hse for session. Met up wif mal n roma there. Went we arrived, hast had to leave so din see much of him tat day...but made plans wif himto come the nxt day...

So we session all nite long n went to slp ard 5-6. Woke up at ard 11 n started playing PS2 till hast came at ard 2-3...he said he saw fahmy in sch n ask him to come along...n he did...he joined us at ard 6...hast had to leave ard 7 so we continued our session till ard 9. Fahmy headed for home while me fad n rif slacked under rif's blk. There we tok abt the band n came upon the decision tat we needed fahmy's expertise for our band. For those who duno oredy, tat guy is a pro wen it comes to plucking. So later tat nite after getting the green lite from all my band members, i asked him to join the band n he fortunately accepted. So now we r a 5 piece band...

n So saturday came. Went to sam's cny open hse den headed for town to meet up wif amal n gang again. They wanted to see chingay. Wasnt exactly interested but was bored so, yeah. Actually met up wif roma at yishun 1st b4 meeting the rest. So meet up wif amal, rosz, minah An, hazwan n a few of amal's fren who i dun really noe lyk ana, phat n few others.

Niways, twas a pity An had to leave earlier to pick his gal up. Long tym din see him. But the rest slack till pretty late. Fadillah n Isk oso came later but we had to leave shortly after tat...Once again reach home ard 12+....my hse lyk hotel sia wakaka

For today, roma came over my hse to play PS@...finally completed the Warriors game wakaka fun man...

So u see i've been slacking for 1 week non stop...kinda tired now...exam coming soon...must start studyin...or at least i hope i can start hahaha....

OUTZ......

Plea for help....

2006-01-30T00:36:00.000+08:00

Plea for help....

Im desperate....i need help...as much as i can. I noe i dun usually do thia but sumone pls, HELP ME!!!!!

Pls....show me the light....

HELP!!!!!

I NEED HELP....

PLS SUMONE HELP ME

erm....can any1 borrow me any DVDs/VCDs of comedies?

hehe i bored ah hehe

Off day....

2006-01-27T21:13:00.000+08:00

Off day....

Can i have an off day? Can i juz for one day be the silent one or sane one without sumone ask if i have a problem? Haizzz...i wonder. Is it so wrong for me to be quiet once in awhile? I mean, sometyms i do have things to think abt, private or personal things tat i juz want to ponder abt. N during those tyms, i tend to juz zone off or be silent. Tat doesnt mean tat im sad or smth rite...

I mean, lets face it we face problems in our everyday lyf so dun ask me if i have a problem or smth. Of cuz i do, who doesnt. Lyk i always say, "having no problems is a problem."

I guess this past few days i've been doin alot of thinking tat i sumhow dun care to share much wif others, or rather juz dun feel lyk saying it out. One of those things im thinking abt is my band....juz wondering if things can really move on or r we juz gg down.

Juz now, went in the big 'aquarium' lab n kt was telling me how bored she was. So i offered teaching her to play the gitar. Dun ask me y, i juz blurt it out without thinking. She accepted the offer wif much excitement tat it showed how bored she was. So me n fahmy brought her to the staircase wif our gitars which is always in sch for the current moment. As usually, i started teaching her wif the basic, the first 3 frets. Fahmy helped me out n he decided to teach her 'stand by me' bass. Tats the usual song ppl usually teach to beginers. She kinda got the hang of it but i guess it can be tiring n depressing especially since fahmy cldnt stop showing of his freestyling skills haha yah i noe he din mean it, juz tat he loves plucking too much.

Niways, i tink she wanted a break n so passed me the gitar to play smth...i din noe wat to play so me n fahmy attempted to play 'Come back to me'. N i use the word attempted well cuz we really screwed it up haha...after tat song, i started playing all kinds of shit n i guess i kinda forgot tat i was supposed to teach kt haha i guess tats how much i love music. I get so easily distracted...So KT, if u do read my blog, Sorry tat i din manage to teach u much yeah. Kinda not myself n got carried away haha....

Well music, as most of u will noe, is really a passion of mine. I juz wish tat i cld do better in it. Yah sure i write songs but wen im kinda unsure how they are exactly. Sumtyms wen i listen to dem, my thinking will be like "Wow! Cant believe this came out of it....how did i do it man..." Other tyms, my train of tot wld be "Haiz....If this is the best i can do mebi i shd juz give up" I duno lah...wish i cld write songs again...I NEED SOME INSPIRATION.....

Some other tots tat come across my mind quite often nowdays is how to move on from smth, or rather sumone. I guess i'd do juz abt anything to try to forget ********. I guess in this sense im kinda weak. Haiz....can anyone help me? haha yeah rite...no one can unless i help myself but i wish i knew where to start...

Sometyms i juz wonder wat am i doing in lyf. I mean wat have i achieve so far? Or rather, r my achievements so far worthwhile? Wish i knew....

I guess today is juz one of those days where i have juz so much to tok abt but juz not sure how to put them into words...or mebi there's juz no one ard to listen. Is tat cause no one wants to listen? I duno, u tell me...

I'd really give juz abt anything to get on wif my lyf...

Dun bother....Outz....

Generalization...

2006-01-22T16:33:00.000+08:00

Generalization...

Im usually against generalisation but its a fact that most gals dun usually watch soccer n dun noe nuts abt it. Y the sudden comment? Well cause u see i went online tis morn ard 2+ to check the score line of the newcastle-blackburn result. While waiting for the slow IE to load, i juz check out the nicks of my frens on msn n wat i saw kinda shock me....: "Blackburn WON". Tis shock me not cuase blackburn won(tho it displease me) but cause who was using it...

Tat was part of betsy's nick, or rather, part of her personal msg. All this while tat i noe her, i have never heard her tok abt the EPL so it really kinda shock me. So i ask her n it was cfm tat she's a blackburn fan. Lets face it, most gals in spore dun really watch soccer and those who do watch a little tend to support the big 4. Tat is : Arsenal, Man U, Liverpool & Chelsea(sad to say newcastle no longer part of the big 4). I mean these are basically the mainstream clubs in the EPL n wen u dun really follow smth u tend to juz back the mainstream, its juz human nature.

Im not criticising gals or being a sexist here so i'll use myself as an example here. For example, i dun really follow the La liga(spanish league) or the Serie A(italian) but i do support teams there too. In Spain, Real Madrid n Barca are the 2 mainstream clubs there tho Real ah much more popular. N im a supporter of Barca tho u wun see me following it every single week. In Italy, there r 3 mainstream club, Inter Milan, AC Milan n Juventus. Tho, Inter n AC are without a doubt more popular, im a juve fan but its still a mainstream club. My point here, is tat even those gals who do occasionally follow soccer tend to back the mainstream clubs who juz happened to be labeled the big 4 in england.

So i was quite shock to find out that Bets actually support Blackburn. Not tat im saying blackburn is a lousy club tho. I myself was once a blackburn fan wen they won the EPL. Tho it was tat very same season tat i 'discovered' Newcaslte United Football Club or NUFC for short. After blackburn's truimph, i switch my colors to the famous black n white. I was young then n din noe much abt loyalty. Before blackburn n Newcastle, i also supported Forrest n Man U tho i am an Anti-man U fan now.

Niways, i was thinking to myself tat i have a fren who is one of those rare gals who follow soccer. Not that i duno female soccer fans. As far as i noe, out of my frens n family, Azie supports arsenal, Bia supports Real Madrid, my sis n several other older female cousins support liverpool, my aunt is a man u fan tho i have yet to meet a chelsea fan...So niways, u see the female soccer fans tat i noe so far all support the mainstream clubs for one reason or another(my aunt supports man u simply cuz her husband does too)...

So here is Betsy, a blackburn suppporter. Im impressed. But i had to make sure haha so i asked her, "do u noe any of their players" ANSWER: "No". erkz....was i wrong??? Ok mebi she does follow but juz doesnt noe their names. Afterall, nowadays, blackburn players are mostly scandanavian n their names are not easy on asians. So i ask her how long have u supported them? ANSWER :"For years oredy"...in my head now, "wow a real true blue fan who do follow soccer" N before i cld ask y she supported blackburn instead of other clubs, she tpld me this....

"I support them cause of their name. I lyk their name"

Me:"...."

Hahaha wat a dissapointment man, haha juz wen i tot i figured out human nature, it jumps out n surprise me. Sheesh haha....see, this is y i say human nature is interesting. So dun blame me if i do my experiments aite ;) hehe...

OUTZ.....

Finally, the truth....

2006-01-20T22:09:00.000+08:00

Finally, the truth...

Excerpt from Azie's blog:

shad: he is my closest guy friend in IT0304.
suka talk cock. haha but he is nice lahhh.
always complain to him when stress abt sch.
but hey, i know where to de-stress myself!!!

arcade dok. vrooom vrooooom.

Hahaha finally the truth is out. I bolded the truth...haha shd show tis to KT n DX. They claim i not nice but here is the proof....Dun blif? go sse her blog ah haha

I AM A NICE PERSON K!!! haha

Pasar malam

2006-01-19T22:39:00.000+08:00

Pasar malam

Riff: "Is this a fucking pasar mlm?"

Me: "No, i think its juz a normal one...."

Hahaha was walkin to S11 in amk after playin soccer yest wen past by a small area wif make shift stalls. Lyk riff, im not sure if its a pasar mlm too but we sure laffed our self silly. Not tat the joke was tat funny, juz tat we had so much fun tat small joke lyk tat oso very funi to us. kinda tired man...been slping very little lately.

Had a test juz now which i totally forgot abt. Tot it was gg to be tmr....so wen sch early n did sum revision. It was from chap 5-7. Was starting on chap 7 wen my fren came over n asked me a personal qns. Totally caught me off guard. Cldnt answer...had to say duno. Apparently tat was the correct answer tho...cldnt study after that....

Tat question made me started thinking. Y do i do all those stuff for ***************? Doesnt make sense. Haiz, guess i am stupid afterall. How i wish i wasnt stuck....Or do i? Sumone once said to me "mebi u cant move on cuz u dowan too..." Is tat true? Am i purposely hanging on to this state of hopelessness n hurt? And if i am, does tat mean tat im stupid? Afterall, who wants to get hurt rite?

So is my intelligence low? I duno. Fucking heart pain. Shd i trust human intelligence or human emotions? Duno how to answer oso....

Niways, becareful what u wish for, u juz mite get it...this goes out to ppl who lyk surprises wakaka...

N hapi belated 20th n 19th birthday to azie n bia respectively....take care well now that u two more wiser haha

Outz.....

Phase two...

2006-01-16T18:34:00.000+08:00

Phase two...

Refer back to my entry on 9th jan, it was a monday, titled: Consequences of a bored matgile... I mentioned tat i was gg to make further experimentation and also find sumone to do phase two of that particular experiment. Luckily for me, a fren of mine volunteered to do it as u ppl can see from my tagboard haha...

Well, she completed the experiment this morn. Again, in case u ppl forget, this certain experiment is basically to observe human reaction. Ppl may tink its crap or nonsense but seriuzly, this is considered part of biology.

Biology basically means 'The study of life' or if u want a more professional explaination: 'The science of life and of living organisms, including their structure, function, growth, origin, evolution, and distribution. It includes botany and zoology and all their subdivisions.' I got that from dictionary.com....

Niways, i rmb in my sec 3 or 4 days wen my bio teacher gave us a project to do. She said that we cld do on any topic related on bio. She even give us an ecxample for those who wanted to do an ez one. She told us to take down notes of human behaviour on the bus or mrt. We tot she was jokin but she wasn't. She said that bio, is the study of lyf and so a study of human reaction is oso considered biology.

My experiment however, may or may not be useful but its interesting. I mean, its a way of gettin to noe my frens better. Seeing how ppl react to certain things can tell u abt their characteristic. Watever the answer, its juz human nature and nuthing is more interesting den nature. N humans are, as i mentioned before, the most intelligent lyf form on earth according to so many scientist. So thru my experiment(duno if others have done it before), we'll get to see the most intelligent species of nature react to an emotion felt by a fren early in the morning.

Wat i forget to mention before is that i purposely chose to do it in the morning cuz this is wen ppl are usually the most honest as they have juz woken up n sum may still be a bit blur haha i mean, lets face it, tact is also human nature but wat i want here is honesty. Pure, simple honest answers to the simple phrase "I miss u". So as u will see and have seen before, the different ways ppl answer that qns. And so without further delay, here are the results from my accomplice's blog:

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Results for the experiment:

Hehe.. i'm back again~
As you can see, my friend, Shad did this experiment too and lucky for me, everyone replied. Ok.. here it goes: The objective of this experiment is to find out how my frenz will reply/ wadz their reaction if they were to receive this particular sms from me:
"Good morning! :) What would you say if i told you that i miss you?"
I have to send this to 4 guys and 4 girls alrite.. but please lah.. like wad i said in my previous post.. i really do miss you guys ok? :)

Results:
Ok here are the results.. in order of who replied me first.. The replies are the exact replies i got from them ok? No modifications at all.

a) Girl 1
(She's my secondary school mate and i love her lots! She's one sweet girl who's active in sports and tarian. It's been sometime i din meet her, and yahh she told me i owe her a date haha!)

Reply: Haha..morning! i'd sae dat "i miz u 2" muahaha..

b) Guy 1
(He's my boss aka classmate of mine (he called me boss too) who's helpful and willing to help others.. he's hella good in programming and can be a joker. Enjoyed those times with him during my FYPJ @ Blk R)

Reply: O.o? Boss you msg correct person ma?

c) Guy 2
(My close buddy, being mentioned in this blog a few times before haha! You see, he lost his hp contacts.. so when i sent him this.. he was DAMN blur, as in he dunno who's the sender. I think he thot itz those chiobu gals =P But, he kinda suspected it was me.. smart guy huh.. Anyways, i guess itz a "wake up call dat he will never forget!" *evil laugh*)

Reply: Who r u?

But when he found out it was ME, he said he will reply this: "DIAO!"

d) Girl 2
(Ok, my classmate too.. those cheerful and loud type.. love to laugh alot.. and though i've not seen her for a month, trust me.. i can still remember how her ermm.. weird laughter sounds like =P Somehow, when she replied me this, i feel as though i'm her bf [>.<])

Reply: keke... i miz u too...

e) Guy 3
(Haha! This guy ah.. forever cheeky. Anoder classmate of mine. He thought i sent this sms to the wrong guy or something, so look at wad he replied me =.=")

Reply: Morning:) be cheeky abit la, ask him why!

Oh my goodness, he thot i'm sending it to who ahh?

f) Girl 3
(This girl ah.. alamak, i dunno wad to say abt her haha. She gave the most "longest" reply of all people hehe..)

Reply: Uh?

g) Girl 4
(My sweetest buddy~ Hope she's doing ok @ work too. Mei nu wor~)

Reply: Hm i miss u too! Lol u not online >_<

h) Guy 4
(Haha, he finally replied me. Hmm, i thot he will get the wrong idea or something.. u know.. guys are sensitive nowdays.. blahh.. cos he took a long time to reply.. 3 hours later!)

Reply: Hmm, hehe. Kinda miss you too. =P how's everything? Lama tak dgr brita?
(Tanslation: how's everything? Long time didn't hear from you)

Okay.. was shocked he replied dat way and guess wad? He called a few mins after he replied me, and he said i'm cheeky? Omg.. and i told him dat i sent this to other friends too. Wahaha.. and i asked him "you think i only sent to u izit?" He said, "No la.." wahaha.. wad was he thinking? He's at the workshop.. sending his fire bike for repair or something so he called to ask how i'm doing and all. How nice and thanks!

That's all for today.
So, ok Shad.. i've done my part hehe.
To all of u guys out there, don't treat it as if i'm playing a prank on u guys or anything ok.. haiz.. remember.. i DO miss u!
Wahaha bye!
Back to work fellas!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

So now you have seen the reactions n i have one thing to conclude from here. Notice that wen me, a guy, msged tat to my frens, the guys joked that they're not gay or for that one person, that he's gay too. To the gals, 1 thinks that i was playin ard, 2 thanked me for it n the last was basically blur.

But wen nadiah, a gal did it, i notice that many tend to say that she's cheeky. (tho i lyk the reply of guy 3, a very self aware person i think haha) So wat is this? Generalisation? A gal is deemed as cheeky wen she say this but wen aguy do it, all i got was the most a thank you.

Wat im saying is that does it means tat its okay to society wen a guy goes ard saying 'i miss u' to ppl while its a bit cheeky fo a gal to do a similar thing? Dun get me wrong, im not trying to defend nad here(in fact, i'll be the first to joke that she's cheeky) but the fact is, sumtyms i tink the way our society thinks is all wrong but wat can i do rite, afterall, this is the nature of the most intelligent species on earth, in other words, human nature.....

I'll be thinking of more experiments to do, n hopefully, i'll be able to do one soon. Bored ah haha....once again, even tho i may not noe u ppl, i'd lyk to thank those who participated in nad's experiment...

Outz....

haizzz....

2006-01-15T00:06:00.000+08:00

haizzz....

Strange things happenning....haiyoh...wen is it gona stop??? Most of u noe i injured my hand rite?? Well, the gd news is tat i finally think its strong enuf to open the bandage...yah but as usual, there's bad news. I re-injured it....

I was lying down in my wooden double decker bed while watching TV, as usual. Suddenly, the wooden layer of the upper deck which holds the mattress, came falling down on me...using my instinctsi held out both hands to block it. N i guess the pressure was too much for my newly recovered hand....its now in bloody pain again. I was really looking fwd to using my right hand again...Stupid....Juz wondering how the thing fell. I suspects those stuff that i complained abt cuz the thing tats hold the plank is secure....

Went to a gig in NYP last nite...bumped into several familiar faces there...n most of dem tot i injured my hand in a motorbike accident...the same wif my lecturer...i dun even have liscense sey haha...or mebi tats y they tot accident haha...well niways, wat a tym to get it injured...juz wen i was tinking of practising on the bike again...its been like 2 mths since i last ride. So despite the hurt in my hand, i went down for a ride...haha n guess wat? the damn bike won't start...i guess due to the cold weather. So tot i juz kick start it as my dad's bike uses an electric starter. But den i realise there was nuthing to kick start on haha apparently this was one of those model which doesnt have a kick start thingy. So my next option was to find the choke...n once again i cldnt find it...My dad's bike is so diff from the ones in ubi. But i guess on the plus side, its more comfortable for me. N tats a good things as chances of me gettin tat bike is high haha

So dissapointed i went up to call my dad, unfortunately for me my parents is not in spore so cldnt juz use my hp to kol my dad...went up n ask my dad y it wldnt start. He kinda scolded me for not warming up the engine earlier(they went off last monday). He oso cfm wif me tat it doesnt have a kick starter. N the funi thing, he doesnt noe whr the choke is!!!! sheesh haiz....so i kolled farhan up to ask him whr usually the choke is. He said that usually its on the handle but for my dad's bike he wasnt sure...So on a whimp, i went down again.

Again it wldnt start. So i tried smth, while turning the engine on, i turned the throttle n it started! haha was lyk damn hapi sia, at last can ride again...so as a warm up i went ard the carpark once but had to stop halfway thru cuz there was a car which was trying to park blocking my way. so while waiting for it to park i looked ard. Imagine my shock wen i saw there was a TP ard!!! haha she was checking a vans prakin coupon or smth n stop to look at me n turned away. I quickly ride off again wen the car was safetly parked. Quickly parked the bike n went up. Better not take the risk. Juz the other day my fad's sis was summoned for sitting on a bike. Apparently they can summon u for sitting on a bike alone without a liscense sheesh...singapore, everything oso saman...

Haiz...rotten luck man...haiz wish things wld improve...low on cash oso now tat my parents not in spore, i have to like cook n tend for myself. Not tat im not used to it, juz that usually i dun have to eat outside or buy food. But since my mum not here to cook, n tat i hardly have tym to cook before gg to sch, i have to eat outside. So kinda broke now...haiz....

Damn...Outz.....

A B C's of ex-girlfriends....

2006-01-12T22:09:00.000+08:00

A B C's of ex-girlfriends....

A
is for Arteries.
You know, the things that your ex-girlfriend ripped out because she really didn't care for you you twit she was only after your money and could have given a shit about you.

B
is for Bitter. Who, me?? No way. I really hope things between them do work out. I hope they get married and have 2 children that are little devils and her hips get huge and his eyebrows finally grow completely together and they get fat and old together and then DIE!!

C
is for Call ya later.She won't. She never has before.

D
is for Dumped. Does D need to be explained?

E
is for Eating like a pig. Remember when you took her out and she said "I'm not hungry" so you figured you could take her to a nice place because you were able to afford a nice meal at this fine restaurant. Then she ate more than your Uncle Roy (you remember Uncle Roy the one with the mustard stains on everything). So you flip the bill and are broke for the next two weeks and she wonders why you were unable to call her that week and go see movies.

F
is for Friends. That is what she just wants to be. As if you can even stand to look at her.

G
is for Gun. And yes there is a waiting period.

H
is for Horny. Remember when she looked nice and even had a personality? Well, you figure it out.

I
stands for I still hate her. Odds are I always will, unless she calls me and offers me favors.

J
stands for Jim. This is her new boyfriend. Doesn't Jim have a nice car ? Doesn't Jim have a good job? Why does Jim want to date her? I think Jim could do much better. I hate Jim. Jim is my mortal enemy.

K
stands for Kill.

L
is for Love. It's a great euphoric feeling that exists between two people and is shared upon by both parties.

L
is also for Lunatic. Lunatics are crazy. Lunatics are the last people that actually believe in love.

M
stands for Mephistophiles. That is who she worked for.

N
stands for Necropheliac. She didn't move very much, did she?

O
is for On top. When on top she has another O word.

P
is for Pill. She said she was on it. She lied. She is now sueing you for a few hundred bucks a month.

Q
is for Quitter. She couldn't last.

R
is for Rich little Bitch. She bought my love but I paid for it.

S
stands for Suffer. That's what she made me do.

T
is for torture. Torture is what she did. She tortured you with the truth. She also tortured you with lies.

U
is for Understatement. Saying you hate that bitch is an understatement.

V
is for Voluptuous. That is the primamry reason you were dating her in the first place.

W
stands for Whine. She was a pro at this.

X
is for Xylophone. Because X is always for xylophone.

Y
stands for You suck! Remember when she yelled that at you.

Z
stands for ZIPPER. This is what you got your hair stuck in while trying to get dressed too quickly while she yelled "QUICK! They're home!"

.
stands for period. Which is a couple of weeks late, because she lied to you about taking what P stands for. It also means you won't get any for a week.

My condolences....

2006-01-12T01:25:00.000+08:00

My condolences....

Gettin tired of answering ppl as to wat happen to my hand. Yah its injured. I have to have it bandaged. Its damn painful to even swing it wen i walk. Sian....but wat to do, shit happens. So juz in case ppl wondering, long story short, i fell. Lazy to tell the long story lah.

Wen ppl ask me abt wat happen to my hand the past few days, i juz answer "i injured it" haha lame i noe but i bored. But there was this once wen sumone(i dun remember who) "Did u injured ur hand???" Sheesh tot it was obvious man haha so i answered this person seriuzly, "no, i wearing this bandage cuz it's the latest in fashion" hahha

Niways, smth happened last week tat keep sticking in my mind. U see, after playing soccer, me hast rif fad n eqhmal went to bishan, near ahmad's hse cuz fad wanted to buy a ps2 controller n game. But wen we reach there, the shop was closed so we headed for J8. On the way there, while toking to hast, wen i heard sumone calling my name. It was cuming from the road so i turned to look. In the split second, i saw a guy on a bike waving at me n slowing down. So being polite i smiled n waved back. Everyone saw it n they asked me who it was after tat guy sped away. As usual, i had to answer "Duno..." haha i really duno who the hell it was man...

Mebi its stuck in my head cuz smth simmilar happened a few mths back. This tym it was at wlds. Me, hazwan, albert, wilson n james juz left Azie's hse after her Hari Raya open hse n was heading for the bus stop wen a guy who was ridin pillon on a bike called me n waved at me...Again, being the polite person that u am, i waved back. Hazwan also waved back for some reason n later told albert n gang that the guy waved at 'us' haha i din really nother to correct him haha let him be lah but i was sure i heard that guy calling "shad!" haha hmm juz wondering who those two ppl r haha but i hate the reaction i got from eqhmal riff n gang cuz they started the "wah u so popular" bit again...Especially mal who practically shouted out "Oh my god! My cuzin so ...." he din complete his sentence so i din noe wat he was gona say n i dun want 2 noe oso haha

Niways, been feeling kinda down now. Duno y lah...guess some tyms no matter how gd the tyms are, sad or bad things do happen. Which brings us to the title of my entry. Juz heard news early this evening that Bia's Grandad juz passed away two days ago. Well, my condolences to u bia, sorry to hear this peice of bad news. I noe u'll miss him cuz he stayed wif u for so long. Really sori. U chill aite. Be strong. If u need any cheering up, my line is always open....tc.

OUTZZZ....

Consequences of a bored matgile...

2006-01-09T19:25:00.000+08:00

Consequences of a bored matgile...

Anyone remember me saying smth abt doin an experiment? Well, its all done n im gona blog all abt it now...I was bored so i decided to do an experiment...It was a simple one, tho i feared that some ppl mite get the wrong idea abt it. So i had to choose the ppl who im was gg to get involve wif this carefully. The ppl chosen are frens of mine who i tink can handle jokes well. Im not saying that those who i dun select cant take jokes cuz there r other factors to consider tho i will not mention here...too long to explain lah. The main thing is that i juz lyk to see how ppl react to smth that is usually said by a loved one to dem. Afterall, human r the most intelligent species on earth rite. So tis is definitely gona be interesting.

Niways, for god noes y, i decided upon the number 8. N to be fair, i made sure that it was gg to be 4 guys n 4 gals. And so i went thru my phonebook to see who wld be suitable for this experiment.

For privacy sake, im not gona name them. I'll juz refer to the guys as A, B, C & D and 1, 2, 3 & 4 for the gals. So here is wat happened....

I msged the unfortunate 8 this particular message(the exact same words, true to every single letter): Gd morn :)! Hey, wat wld u say if i told u tat i miss u...?

Thankfully, everyone replied to my msg within half an hour haha hear r the results for the guys 1st(*note, i din chg their answers. These r their actual answers. I copied every single letter n dots haha enjoy...):

A -a gd fren of mine whom has help me alot the past few years. Yah sure i have help him too recently but i still think i owe him alot so thank you for replying bro haha

Expected reply: Eh u dun anyhow tok eh!!! haha

Actual reply: sure or not.. haha.. foward message right.. haha very funny k bye bye..

B -im not really close to this guy tho i always joke ard wif him. He claims i lyk to make up stories abt him haha actually i juz lyk to pull his leg haha

Expected reply: U crazy ah?? (or somewhere along that line)

Actual reply: I would just say............................... Gd morning(yes he actually typed the dots tat long haha)

C -another gd fren of mine who i can usually joke wif. The onli malay guy among the lot(others are chi). Play music wif this guy once in a while...

Expected reply: Ko ok ke tak?(translation: u ok or not?) (or) somewhere along the lines of U crazy ah?

Actual reply:Hmm... I would say i'm sure u got the wrong no(*number*) or better the wrong guy. Cos i'm aint gay and i hope guys dun miss me. But if they do, like u... Thanks. (this guy long winded ah haha)

D -another guy who i usually joke ard wif. NIce guy tho ppl usually jokes tat he's gay n wats worst, it seems lyk to sum that i'm his partner haha

Expected reply: Miss u too (or) Buddy kidding rite (or) Hey, im not gay. (Depending on his mood haha)

Actual reply: Miss u too! Muaks! (haha see i can actually predict tis guy haha)

Well thats it for they guys. Actually, i forget to mention that i sent the message in alphabetical order but the din reply in order(indiscipline haha). A replied 1st followed by D den C and lastly b for the guys. Unsurpisingly, all 4 guys replied before the gals. For the gals, 2 replied 1st followed by 4 & 3 respectively with 1 being the slowest to answer. Practically 30 mins after A answer. tsk tsk tsk nuthing new tho, she often reply me late haha

1 -a former schmate of mine who i find easy to tok too. Nice gal. She thinks tat tricking her is my hobby haha

Expected reply: Jgn mengaruts ah(translation: dun nonsense) (or) Wats wrong wif u today??

Actual reply: Haha i wud say..ko boring eh(translation: u bored ah?)? Is tis one of ur tricks again? :p

2 -a fren who i got to noe in 2005, abt the same tym i got to noe B actually. Another one who can take my jokes. Nice gal tho she believe me too easily haha

Expected reply: Huh?? (or) u sure? (or somewhere along those lines)

Actual reply: i'll say.. "huh".. (another person i can predict haha)

3 -another person who i got to noe last yr ard the same tym as B n 2. Can joke wif her or rather "argue" wif her a lot haha

Expected reply: Dotz (the way she expresses herself wen she's speechless)

Actual reply: Morning... Haha... Izzit.. Thanks lor.. hee...

4 -a close fren of mine who i seldom tok to noe due to her busy schedule....

Expected reply: Yah i noe, i noe (or) yah u'r rite

Actual reply: Oh i'm nt surprise coz alot ppl miss me oso haha btw thx(see haha another predicted answer haha)

So thats all that happened...never before have i been thanked for missing sumone haha now 2 ppl did juz that. Well, juz to make things clear, i din do tis with the intention of playing ard, true i was bored but these ppl r my frens n i really do miss dem in away. As in miss disturbing dem haha niways, juz lyk to thank all 8 of my frens who helped me unknowingly. Hope i din offend u ppl in anyway. U guys r good ppl. God bless.... Thank you.

IN other news, i recently did a poll on the whether im shy or not and the results were astounding!!! Astonishingly, 91 out of 95 agreed that i am shy. This basically proves that i was rite all along....The minority who disagreed, mainly (in order of reply) Betsy, Azie, Amalina and Rabia must be feeling sore as they have always mantained a strong stance that i am not shy for what reasons i shall never understand. I guess some ppl juz have different opinions wif the rest of us hehehe

Thats all for today. Hoping to make more experiments soon. N oh yah, kinda hoping to find a female fren to do a similar experiment as i juz did above. Juz 1 2 see how ppl react when a gal do this haha anyone interested??? juz contact me aite hahaha

Outz....

strange things are happening....

2006-01-08T19:39:00.000+08:00

strange things are happening....

Strange things have been happening in my hse, wait, nope, let me correct that, in my room. I duno lah if its my room or am i juz beign disturbed. I dun usually blog abt these things but now i think i will start to cuz im not really sure how many of my frens actually believe wen i tell dem. Mebi im juz beign paranoid but i juz feel that behind my back, those who i usually tell of what i see, r thinking tat i juz have a wild imagination or making things up or exagerrating or juz plain scared. It really upsets me. I din choose to be able to see these things. N its not smth normal u noe. I mean if u see smth strange, u will be shocked wat...

Its not lyk that i see them everyday but im getting used to it slowly. Sum complain that my reaction is exagerrating. Well, mebi they shd experience it themselves n see how it feels lyk. Not knowing if wat u saw is real or juz ur imagination, not noeing if they're there to create mischief and so on....IM ONLY HUMAN FOR GOD'S SAKES....

Wat's been happening at home? Well actually it started out pretty harmless, bein waken up during my slp (as if sumone tap on my shoulders), havin nitemares abt them...but recently, it has gone a notch up. For example, niwdays, wen no one is at home, i wld be awaken by a knock on my room door n i can hear my sis calling my name as if she needs smth. So groggily i wld open the door only to realise wen i see no one there that im home alone...sheesh

Other tyms, my door wld suddenly close n open by itself...My tv is another nuisance. Sumtyms for no apparent reason, it will switch on by itself....creepy. But wat can i do??? haiz...juz keep praying i guess, got to admit, i hvnt been doin that much recently...gotta chg man, n not onli that...outz.....

Riffdi the Clown...

2006-01-07T17:02:00.000+08:00

Riffdi the Clown...

Had fever the other day, monday night but still went to sch on tues n weds...Even played soccer on weds...in the bloody rain haha so my fever got worst on thurs. Wed was kinda eventful...came to sch at ard 2...they told me start playing at 3. And so i was kinda bored reaching so early. Went ard sch disturbing my frens. Went down to the fypj labs, damn bored man so i approached KT and said, 'hey im'm bored' haha she very nice u noe haha she told me to take a chair, sit n tok haha so she ask me 1 2 tok abt wat? Bein the typical me, "Duno" haha i shy u noe...haiz wish ppl wld believe that...KT oso dun bliff so i called albert and he agreed wif me. He agreed that im shy, low profile and all...halfway thru this conversation, ben approached me asking me to do a survey haiz....com skill projects due soon i guess haha willingly i pass the paper to KT and if looks cld kill, i'd be dead by her stare haha...found out she can do multi-tasking. She can read comic, do survey, answer sms, tok alot2, laff and scold me all at the same tym...Amazing huh hahashe scolding me cuz i pass the form to her haha den ben said he needed 9 more females to do the survey. So to escape the scolding i was getting, i went to help he. Off i went to the quest of gettin females to do ben's survey haha...

The 1st unlucky one was mich, she juz happen to be there. Unlike KT, she did it wif no complaints haha next was Peici(duno if i spelled it rite) n her fren (I dun really noe her fren tho i noe she was in the same french class as me)...And while they were doin it, Betsy came in the lab from who noes where so without hesitation i tool another form from ben n wave it in her path n again, unlike KT, she juz said "oh" n took it without complains haha...see my frens all very nice haha so i brag to KT(bets did the form beside KT) see other ppl all so nice never scold2 haha

So 4 down 5 to go...at this pt, ben mentioned that he oso needed 2 more males to do the survey n juz so happen albert was there(but he oredy did it) wif his fren i quickily passed it to his fren. All this while ben tot i noe all of dem but actually sum of dem i dun really noe. Juz seen dem ard but who cares rite, this is a random survey afterall. Bert decided to help out abit by passing a form to nother male fren of his. So now, all males completed. By this tym most of the fypj student had to go for a tok so the lab was empty n no females to volunteer so we went to another lab n i saw Gui ying(duno if i got her name rite either) so me n bert quickly took 2 forms n pass it to her n her grp mate. # more to go....

After they did it, we really cldnt find any more gals there...all of dem went for a tok. So we decided to go to the fourth level...there i saw azie n LC but ben said they oredy did the survey...with time nearing 3 n the level looking empty with the exception of students of mr tan, i was getting kinda lazy to help out haha Den azie said that they were 3 gals at the front of the lab so we asked her to go approach dem since she's a gal too, u noe it'd be more comfortable for them i guess. So she when towards dem onli to come back halfway cuz she realise they were having lecon wif mr tan too...

At this point i tot, wat the heck, i 1 2 finish this now!(haha lyk fighting onli haha) So i took the 3 empty forms n approached Mr tan. "Sir, can i have the permission to disturb 3 of ur female students to do a survey?" How? Power or not? Brave or not? haha And here's wat he answered "Yes, u can disturb as many as u want" (In my heart) WTH!!! u make it sound lyk i want to flirt wif dem....sheesh but without complain, i went to the nearest unlucky 3....and in 5 mins, the job was completed...

Anyways, later on went to play soccer, wen it started to rain, they said last goal, last goal, who score win den go home....but the last goal never came....it was a heavy downpour man yet these ppl din stop. So i finally took off alone at 6. Chg into dry t-shirt(tho my jeans were still drenched) n went to meet fahmy at the shopping arcade. Need his help to pay my bill as i had onli cash wif me.

Niways later i rejoined the guys for slacking...We went to bishan n had a meal at KFC before gg some where else to slack. Here was the crazy part, we were making fun of rif cuz he told us he cldnt go out tis sat(today) cuz he had a bday party to attend. It was the same excuse last week so we started mocking him saying he was a hired clown and all...wat surprised us was that later as we slack along a pavement near bishan mrt, he was standing in front of us n we asked him to dance lyk a clown and he did! hahaha den we ask him to do it wen ppl walk past and alot of other stuff too n he did it! haha This from sumone who claims he got stage fright haha....u all shd have seen him man, its was so funny. Hard to describe...u had to be there hahaha....pity those who missed his performance of a lyftym hahaha...

PS -gona do an experoment soon, hope all those involve will participate hahaha

Happy new year...

2006-01-02T02:11:00.000+08:00

Happy(???) New Year....

Well, its the new year. So before i start crapping, wish u ppl(whoever reading) a happy new year. Hope u all enjoyed all the celebrations u ppl had, where ever tat was n whoever it was wif.

Anyway, i spent my new years in the bus together wif Roma, Ahmad, Rifdi and Eqhmal. We were on our way to changi village. Wanted to slack at the beach...we tried to cheer each other up as sumhow it was obvious tat sum of us was a teensy weensy bit down...we did kinda lame things while waiting for the bus. Not surprisingly, i kick things off haha i rmb saying "wah the bus damn slow, at this rate next year den reach...." mind u it was 11.42 and we reach there 11.36 the last bus was at 11.45

And so the mood was kinda quiet after tat. The beach was full and there was hardly any wind. Kinda dissapointing as we were looking fwd to enjoying sea breeze or is it land breeze whicheber is at nite lah. Long tym never take geography ah hahah

Any way, as usual at the begining of every new year, ppl start to reflect abt the past year. I cant say that the previous year has been that great to me. 2 be truthful, wen i think abt the past year, more bad/sad than happy incidents happened to me. Im not complaining tho, juz that sometyms i juz wish i can make things better. haiz...duno lah

I rather not tok abt the bad/sad things here so let me juz highlight my high points or achievements this year. Well, everyone noes i love music, so im thankfull that i manage several performances tis year, even tho it wasnt wif my band. The tinitus effect got 3rd for bandzout. We perform at SEG's national day celebration. I perform at Wala-Wala bar wif chum bucket for the power jam auditions. Overall, it was a gd experience. For my own band, we had 2 new members. First beign roma at drums n to share lead n rythm wif fad, we got rif.

Personally i think that our band line up now got the potential to play great music but luck n tym have not been that kind to us. Its frustrating to suck at somethung even tho u put in so muchh effort into it. Well, we dun actually suck lah but i noe we r capable of playing 10 tyms better den wat we play now. Hope we onli go uphill from here.

Social, i made several new frens last year. Ding yu, Fahmy Dao Xing, Mei juan, june, betsy, kt and so much more....im happy that im able to make so much new frens tis yr. So thankful that they oso want 2 befreind me.

Academic wise, i'm really grateful i manage to clear all my subjects for the last two sems. Really hate codings n shit haha

On my way home this morn, i was listening to my songs on my mp3 player. My song 'Come back to me' juz happen to play at random n i tot, tis song is a gd sum up of my year in a way. Duno how to explain lah....

I wonder if u think of me,
Or am i just what u see,
As a distant memory,

And now im torn up inside,
I cant believe that u're gone,
Im drowning in the hurt u left behind

If you own a brain and use it too,
You gotta know i have a crush on you.
I'm a sucker for a level headed girl with a pretty smile
She gots to have ideas, yeah, and she gots to have style

I had the feeling that you'd open up my eyes
To a whole new world that had since been in disguise
But that day will most likely never come for me
And it's just my luck to end up getting stuck
To everything you are

So tonight I'll sit and pick apart your pictures
And overanalyze your words
But the truth is that I've never fallen so hard
It's taking everything in me
Just to forget your sweater so far

So don't go worrying about me
It's not like I think about you constantly
So maybe I do, but that shouldn't affect
Your life anymore
I knew it the moment you walked into the door

And last but not least, i'd juz lyk to say, 'May the new year be just as fucked up as the last'

PS-Wats the use of thinking abt sumone so much when she/he doesnt think of u

Finally got a new comp...

2005-12-30T00:29:00.000+08:00

Finally got a new comp...

Finally i got a new comp. Finally can use msn at home. hahaha yeah lyf is gettin better, if u guys noticed, i even got a new tagboard haha n bia, tats not for flooding k. Its for ppl to leave 'IMPORTANT' msges for me k hehe...

Niway my sis bought an ACER comp last week. onli got it today. She damn blur sia. After buying it wif my mum, she went home an excitedly told me she got a new comp but the memory onli 256 mb. Imagine my reaction...

(In my heart-keep in mind my mum there, cant say out loud) "WTF???!!!??? DID SHE JUZ GOT CHEATED????"

(Wat i said)"HUH? Where got such things?"

Niways she insisted on it n said nowdays all computers have tat much or rather tat little memory due to the popularity of thumbdrives...sheesh

so i kept my cool n juz kept quiet. Lazy to argue wif her. She even tried to prove her point by showing me an advert. NUTS.

Niways to make long story short, i showed her that the memory was actually 80GB n tat the 256mb was juz the DDR. haiz...juz my luck to get a blur sis n yet to proud to admit she wrong....

Wish my fam wld trust me more....kinda getting fed up...lyf is really turning out to be a roller coaster for me....body aching now due to yesterday's soccer session. Juz glad tat im not the onli one
hahahaha...

OUTZZZ..............

SLaCK

2005-12-12T15:25:00.000+08:00

SLaCK

I cant be bothered wif my practical now. Havin my 3176 practical... so bored...got errors, cant do....

So anyways, ppl been asking me y i neva update my blog. Well the truth is, i din really think there wld be ppl interested reading abt my lyf. Actually if these ppl bothered to check, i did update 3 tyms before. Yah i admit my blog has been kinda dormant for awhile but well...

Niways, been slacking alot lately. Been gg out nearly everyday after sch and all. Been gg out wif Eqhmal mostly. Mebi cuz he free, juz finish Os... haha niways, i kinda no mood to blog now, nvm haiz....

So bored, wat shd i do? who shd i disturb?

2005-12-07T18:13:00.000+08:00

So bored, wat shd i do? who shd i disturb?

Had no sch yesterday...din feel too well so decided to stay home instead of gg out. My dad n sis were working n my mum went to look after my granny so i was alone at home. Damn bored so i spent the day watching movies -Three kings, Cheaper by the Dozen and DVD of Spongebob episodes(watch all these before but it beats doing nothing)....it was ok until evening...by den, i ran out of movies. Din feel like playing games cuz the games that i have with me now i've more or less mastered it. so, yah....

So wat did i do? i turn to my frens for company haha i actually sms my entry title(So bored, Wat shd i do? Who shd i Disturb?) to a couple of my frens and waited un patiently for them to reply. The 1st to reply was amal haha she ask me go town...erkz...if i wanted to i wld have gone much much earlier...haiyoh...so i told her no money....lame excuse i noe haha

Den Betsy replied next...haha she very considerate haha she try find a solution for me -by volunteering Albert haha real gd fren...ask me disturb albert ahaha i cld do that except for the fact that i msged him too n he have yet to reply...

So while still waiting impatiently, i lay in bed wondering why the rest din reply when to my pleasent surprise, my fone rang hahaha so hapi sia...it was the bert man haha i guess he voluntered himself haha so yah i disturb him alot2 haha until he sian haha poor albert....

While toking wif him, i got a reply from mei juan saying she juz noticed the msg(tis was lyk an hour after i msged) and that i can disturb anyone but her cuz she not free...watchin movies wif her frens....den never invite me :( so sad...while msging her i scare albert by saying i spreading rumuor haha fun sia haha

The only 1 who din reply my msg was sam, well, technically she did coz i sent her the same msg earlier n she replied den saying duno who i can disturb but not her cuz she bz....so sad no one 1 2 layan me....

Niways, while toking wif bert, he kept on saying ba duno how many tyms...i really din noe wth it meant but it must have meant smth cuz i noticed mj, sam n bets using it b4 too...wat was it? ba ba black sheep? sheesh...go figure. So being the shy person that i am, i asked him. According to him, its a hokkien word. it means 'sigh' sheesh juz say sigh lah nxt tym haha no offence but sigh juz sound nicer. I mean the english word for it is actually imatating the sound so wen u say it, u'r actually doin it, puting it to motion. but wen u say ba dun u think u juz saying the word n not doing it? i duno i guess i prefer actions, afterall actions do speak louder den words haha....

BORED!

Heartbreaker.....

2005-12-01T13:31:00.000+08:00

Heartbreaker.....

Kinda like this song....stuck in my bloody head....

All Hail The Heartbreak by The Spill Canvas

I had the notion that you'd make me change my ways
My bad habits would be gone in a matter of days
I had the feeling that you'd open up my eyes
To a whole new world that had since been in disguise

But that day will most likely never come for me
And it's just my luck to end up getting stuck
To everything you are

So tonight I'll sit and pick apart your pictures
And overanalyze your words
But the truth is that I've never fallen so hard
It's taking everything in me
Just to forget your sweater so far

I had the notion that you'd make me forget the world
But your undecisive mind shows me that
You are "just another girl"
I had the feeling that those looks you gave me were real
What if I ripped your heart apart at the seams
Maybe then you'd know how I feel

But that day will most likely never come for me
And it's just my luck to end up getting stuck
To everything you are

So tonight I'll sit and pick apart your pictures
And overanalyze your words
But the truth is that I've never fallen so hard
It's taking everything in me
Just to forget your sweater so far

I can honestly say
That I never, ever, ever felt this way
Your lips, your eyelashes, your skin
These are the parts of your body
That cause my comatose to begin

I can honestly say
That I never, ever, ever felt this way
Your lips, your eyelashes, your skin
These are the parts of your body
That cause my comatose to begin

I will sleep another day
I don't really need to anyway
What's the point when my dreams are infected
With words you used to say
I will breathe in a moment
As long as I keep my distance
I wouldn't want to go messing anything up

So don't go worrying about me
It's not like I think about you constantly
So maybe I do, but that shouldn't affect
Your life anymore
I knew it the moment you walked into the door

So don't go worrying about me
It's not like I think about you constantly
So maybe I do, but that shouldn't affect
Your life anymore
I knew it the moment you walked into the door

I'll let you get the best of me
Because there's nothing else that I do well
I'll let you get the best of me
Because there's nothing else that I do well
I'll be the giver and you'll be the taker
I guess that's how this one's gonna go I'll be the giver and you'll be the taker
You've got me down on my knees and I proclaim
All hail the heartbreaker

It's been a while....

2005-11-18T21:41:00.000+08:00

It's been a while....

Well it's been a while since i blogged, juz nuthing to type i guess...but im bored now, n alone n poor....niways, sch juz started. Been pretty much occupied the past few weeks helping my dad n aunt out during the hols. Den came hari raya n go here go there and so on....kinda no mood to raya tho....

I juz wonder y suddenly im juz so at lost to write abt my days lyk i used to or write songs lyk i used to....kinda frustrating....

Mebi i shd move, juz go away from here....wateva....

Move to Bremerton by MxPx

when i meet a special girl,
She always lives somewhere else in the world.
Don't want to call her on the phone,
I want to talk to her when i'm at home.

Drop out of school and run away,
Quit your job, you've got a place to stay
Pack your bags and hitch a ride
Bremerton's a good place to reside

Move to bremerton, we'll hang out.
Move to bremerton, we'll go all out.
Move to bremerton, will you be mine?

Move to bremerton, we'll hang out,
Move to bremerton, we'll go all out.
Move to bremerton till the end of time.

I'll change the street signs you drive down
So you'll end up in my town
I'll redraw the maps all one by one
So they'll lead to bremerton

Drop out of school and run away,
Quit your job, you've got a place to stay
Pack your bags and hitch a ride
Bremerton's a good place to reside

Move to bremerton, we'll hang out,
Move to bremerton, we'll go all out.
Move to bremerton, will you be mine?

Move to bremerton, we'll hang out,
Move to bremerton, we'll go all out.
Move to bremerton till the end of time.

If you own a brain and use it too,
You gotta know i have a crush on you.
I'm a sucker for a level headed girl with a pretty smile
She gots to have ideas, yeah, and she gots to have style

Drop out of school and run away,
Quit your job, you've got a place to stay
Pack your bags and hitch a ride
Bremerton's a good place to reside

Move to bremerton, we'll hang out,
Move to bremerton, we'll go all out.
Move to bremerton, will you be mine?

Move to bremerton, we'll hang out,
Move to bremerton, we'll go all out.
Move to bremerton till the end of time.

Move to bremerton, we'll hang out,
Move to bremerton, we'll go all out.
Move to bremerton, will you be mine?

Move to bremerton, we'll hang out,
Move to bremerton, we'll go all out.
Move to bremerton till the end of time.

Move to bremerton, we'll hang out,
Move to bremerton, we'll go all out.
Move to bremerton, will you be mine?

The Chum Bucket and more....

2005-09-19T11:14:00.000+08:00

The Chum Bucket and more....

So here i am today, at the level 4 lab....where we use to have hci....all alone hahaha....juz finished my exam for advance database. Gg to stay back for a few hours to study but first i'll take a few minits to update....

Yah, yah i noe its been a long tym since i updated my blog, mal, fahmy n riff did ask y i never update anymore...haha n hafiz joked that i dun update anymore cuz he start reading my blog....sheesh i dun mind ppl reading lah....but the thing is, i've been busy the past mth or so...wanted to blog but juz been to bz...

Bz doin what u may ask? Well basically busy doin two very important stuf hahaha...as some of u may have noticed, my atitude towards sch have drasticlly changed...yup, i've now started studying...hard to believe for some but its true. I did manage to surprise many ppl haha well what can i say, im bored...mite as well use the tym to study.

The other thing i've been doing is concentrating on music. As many of u may have heard, The titinus effect got 3rd in Bandzout, a feat i still cant believe has happened. Well, niways, few days after that event, we were invited to perform at South canteen for the SEG's club national day celebrations....well yah...so we performed there on the 10th...we did the same number juz that we had to extend it slightly coz rozi, the main organizer, needed us to play for 10 mins n our medley was only 7 minit...i tot it wld be okay but she prefered us to extend it and so we did.

This tym ard, more of our frens were present. Gotta say thx to dem, Hafiz, yu cheng, sam, Sze kee, mich, geannie, jung hui, jolene, zarina, dila and so on...there were more but it was so long ago n i forgot hahaha sori....Niways, for those who wasnt there, guess what, i won a card reader in a lucky draw which i didnt enter in. Now that is what i call lucky hahaha

What actually happened is that the winner for the 5th prize must have gone off and so to avoid the prize gg to waste, the president of SEG club, my gd fren Kathir, told the host, rozi, to call me up as the winner instead hahaha imagine my shock hahaha i was actually walking towards my band memebers when rozi kinda shouted my name out excitedly n enthu....sheesh....malu sia....so i had no choice but to go up since everyone was looking at me all thx to rozi who pointed to me sheesh....

Yah, niways, the day was nice, it went smoothly....Apart from Tinitus effect, i was also concentrating on Last parade aka Left turn on red aka visual eye candy hahaha yah i noe, so many name...we still undecided ah....well, the thing is, we got a new addition to the band. Riff has join us on gitars...n i think the whole band is improving because of that. U see, riff n fadhly are equally good in terms of skill its juz that their strengths lies in two different techniques. N that is good coz they learn from each other. Thats how they improve. As for me n roma, Fadhly n riff skills have rub off on us. I guess coz we have to catch up to them thats y we also improve. But still, i still got a long way to go to reach riff's or fad's level....

Well niways, a few weeks after Tinitus Effect journey, Fahmy approach me to join him n his cuzin to join powerjam, a competition organized by power 98. Actually he approached me n Has but due to Has busy schedule, he had to turn us down. Fahmy also wanted to get a lead gitarist and after much search, Anthony agreed to join us. For those who dun noe oredy, Anthony's band got 1st in Bandzout....so The Chum Bucket was born. hahaha dun ask me abt the band name, it was Fahmy's decision hehehe he's the leader what ahaha

Well, for this competition, we had to play 2 songs; 1 cover n 1 original. Addicted by SImple Plan was chosen as the cover after a very uninteresthing discussion. Reason for it being uninteresthing was because all of us didnt really lyk to play it hahaha duno how we came abt choosing it. Anyways, for the original, they choose a song of mine. It was incomplete when they chose it. I din even have a title for it. Well, fahmy gave it a title shortly before he choose it. Now its known as Come Back To Me. I only written the 1st verse, prechorus n chorus and so i had to complete it within one wwek as we had to submit the song on the 9th sept....thankfully, i cld....which is surprising coz i started writing it abt a year ago n stop coz i cldnt get any inspiration for it. I guess i work well under pressure hahaa....

So we had our auditions last saturday, that was the 17th of sept, it was held at Wala Wala cafe and bar. It was the first tym ever i performed in a bar. Sadly, other than Fahmy, Iskandar(the drummer) and Anthony, my frens and family wasnt there to witness it....i wasnt sure how it went exactly coz it was dark so i din bother to check for the crowd's reaction but according to Fahmy, he saw several ppl nodding to the beat of Come Back To Me, Is said he saw the sound engineers doin that while Anthony spotted some one lighting up his lighter and started waving it to the beat of the music, which makes me wonder, was that guy mocking us???? hahaha cuz keep in mind, this was a pop/rock competition n what we played was kinda pop/rockish and so, yah....

Well results will be out soon, not sure if we were good enuf tho fahmy n Is saw several other bands performing and they said their original songs sux...i duno. The semis for this is this coming Saturday. The 24th....i hope we get thru...wish us luck....

Anyways, other than studying n music, i did manage to squeeze in tym for my frens n family, thankfully hahaha had so much fun in sch durin the past few mths....tho there was one occasion that i got slightly pissed n that was on the 23rd august, the day after my bday...the thing is, a few of my frens wanted to surprise me by buying a cake even tho i warned a certain someone who planned it not to do anything. i warned her last year. As many of u noe, i dun like celebrating my baday, its not cuz i scared to get saboed, that i dun mind. I juz dun lyk celebrating ah, smth personal. kinda hard to explain. So on that fateful day, they tried to hide it from me but i oredy knew smth was up. Unfortunately, i oredy made plans n was pissed when they kept lying to me to keep me in sch. I mean, firstly, i oredy warned not to do anything. 2ndly, because of it i was 2 hrs late for my band session. 3rdly, i hate ppl lying to me when i oredy know the truth. Im not stupid, i cann see thru u ppl...sad to say lah even tho i pretend lyk i duno....n because i was pissed, i guess everyone mood was dampened too...

Sori guys, but trust me next tym when i say ii dowan 2 celebrate my bday k. If u guys really want 2 do smth special for me as u all claim, then the best way is to juz hang out or slack together n have fun. Always remember, im a slacker so the best present is to slack hahaha

Well apart from that, i've been gg to my grandmother's hse every friday for the past mth without fail....i guess i juz owe my family alot n if my presence there every friday makes them happy den i dun mind being there....

Well, niways i think its tym to end this long entry. I guess what i trying to say up above is that my lyf is feeling kinda empty at the moment, kinda lonely thats y i have taken up studying n concentrate on my music more....haiz i guess i miss having sumone to talk too, having sumone to listen too....having sumone who care....well nevermind. Thats it for now....btw, gona update some pics soon. pics of Bandzout, the national day celebration, my bday, bert's bday, jy bday n some pics mei juan took in the labs, annoyingly i mite add, she practically forced me....sheesh....so for now im gg to post Come Back To Me lyrics....outz.....

Come Back To Me by Chum Bucket

I, never tot i see the day,
When i had the guts to say,
That i really love you gal,

U, always seem to make me smile,
Even tho i made u cry,
Well im really sorry gal,

Well i noe, its not easy,
Its not breezy, All the tym,
When i say, pls dun leave me,
Pls believe me, cutie pie,

I will never leave u coz u noe i love u so,
U will always be in my heart forever,
U and i were meant to be but if u ever go,
I will never rest till we're back together

I wonder if u think of me,
Or am i just what u see,
As a distant memory,
U, were the one to comfort me,
When i was the one in need,
Would you pls come back to me,

Well i noe, its not easy,
Its not breezy, All the tym,
When i say, pls dun leave me,
Pls believe me, cutie pie,

I will never leave u coz u noe i love u so,
U will always be in my heart forever,
U and i were meant to be but if u ever go,
I will never rest till we're back together

And now im torn up inside,
I cant believe that u're gone,
Im drowning in the hurt u left behind,
I know you're hurting yourself,
For all the things that we shared,
And now im sitting here juz waiting for u,
still waiting for u, juz waitng for u....

I will never leave u coz u noe i love u so,
U will always be in my heart forever,
U and i were meant to be but if u ever go,
I will never rest till we're back together

I will never leave u coz u noe i love u so,
U will always be in my heart forever,
U and i were meant to be but if u ever go,
I will never rest till we're back together

The Tinnitus Effect...

2005-08-07T14:41:00.000+08:00

The Tinnitus Effect...

And so they day of the finals came....since the auditions, we kinda bonded and started working hard together...finally i cld see dem put in more effort...mebi the excitement of performing finally hit sum of them haha...

Niways, on monday me fahmy n has decided that we shd have a session before we jam wif juz the guitars and keyboard...but we had to find a place 1st...so i asked fadhly and he agreed....so it was decided that we go to fadhly's hse on tuesday morning....

Sumhow we knew we had to make a drastic chg 2 our song selection. We haa 2 improvise on it as there was sure as hell there wasnt enuf tym for us to chg song....so after much discussion btwn me fahmy n has, we finally decided on a unique arrangement....here how it goes, we're gg 2 use 'Her ghost in the fog' by Cradle of filth as an intro which will be followed by Cranberries' 'Zombie' before gg into Marilyn Manson's version of 'Sweet Dreams'and finally ending the song uniquely wif 'Teenage Riot' by The Ataris....The ending part of the song wld be use as credits....haha u noe, wen yana intro to the audience the members of the bands....

For those who wants to noe, the original selection of the medley Zombie n Sweet Dreams was choosen by Ian n Don...The intro, was enthusiathicaly choosen by Has and the outro was my choice...Fahmy was the one who suggested we have an intro n outro...

Well aniways, we jammed on wednesday and the choice made by me, fahmy n has was accepted by yana, ian n don wif open arms...sumhow they liked it...and so our Medley was born....

We were suppose 2 jam on thursday 2 but we had 2 cancel it at the last minit but we manage 2 squeeze in 2 hrs of jam session on fri before the actual event. After the 2 hrs, all of us felt happy and confident abt our song selection...and personally, my opinion that we have improved imensly since the audtions...the gulf in btwn was big man...i was damn proud....

Let's be honest here, in terms of skill, comparing wif the other contestants, we were only average so i tot a medley wld win us points as we wld be judge on creativity and originality...another aspect of the marks will go on dressing. Our dressing had to be themed wif the song we played and also we had to be uniform...So as our song was mostly gothic, we agreed to dressed in black. Sort of a formal/casual kinda look...pants and shirt...or smth lyk that...We were also gonna be judged on thighness and from the way we jammed, i was satisfied wif that part...Lastly, i told dem the advise given to me by one of the judges, my fren Hafiz from steel damage...he told me must act more...no matter how simple the song is, juz act more....i noe he meant abt showmanship...it seem important to him...he said cuz this was a competition, if it was a normal performance, he wldnt bother abt showmanship but since it was a comp, he said ACT MORE!!! hahaha.....and so i relayed the msg and they were down wif it...in fact during the jam session, we really had fun...there was so much 'action' hahaha we did alot of silly stuff while playing the songs....

And so we reached the Dome at 4...finally reaching sumwhr as a band...haha...and we report to the organizers and was told to come back at 5 for sound check and stuff...after the sound check, we went to chg and again sat down as a band...this was the 1st tym we actually sat as a band....and we really look lyk a band...mebi due to the all black outfit....

Truthfully, i was slightly dissapointed coz many of my frens cldnt make it...in fact, only dila, fadhly, ahmad, albert, ding yu and june showed up. Bryan was there too but he had a job to do...he was part of the SIT club members...many who said they wld come din came...yu cheng, hafiz, amalina...they had their reasons...but they did give their wishes to me n show support 'mentally' as sum of them said haha has's frens riffdi and ken came too...so we had a small fan base hahaha....

Niways, we were scheduled to be slotted as the 7th band but due to the fact that the other contestants was having common test, we were pushed foward to the 2nd slot...but there were 2 guest bands before us....

By the tym the 2nd guest band finished their songs, i cld see that some of my members was starting to have stage fright...but the lively spirit was still there...and by ard 6.45, it was our turn....and so we wnet on stage....i wasn't sure how the crowd reacted as i was concentrating on the volume of my bass and making sure that we cld hear each other...

Den the 1st blow came...Don's guitar gave us a problem...there was no sound coming from the amp..haha funny as 3 bands had performed using the same amp wif no problems...it took up nearly 5 mins of our tym to settle it man...kinda malu ah...n it really made out spirits die alot....finally we found out the problem came from the cable...during this tym, i tried to entertain the crowd wif sum songs....mainly 'the pink panther', majulah singapura' and a nasyid hehe for those who duno, its a islamic song...kinda more lyk a short prayer which they make into a song...haha

And so we cld finally start...but before we start, me n yana apologised to the crowd for the delay...we were really down by what happened...a big blow for us...and i was rite...it killed our spirit as everyone with the exception of yana din do much showmanship...i tried to get them movin by movin ard alot n being lively without much success....and after abt 8 mins, we ended to some applause....

After our performance, i congrtulated them for their hard work...they did a gd job...i was proud to be their leader...and we kinda separated for abt 3 hrs each gg to our small grp of frens...but after awhile i came back to where don n fahmy were sitting and soon ian n has joind us....and later yana n her gd fren natasha joined us too...so we were a band again, looking united...feeling happy...we oredy achieved our 1st goal and that was to qualify...and now we din mind if we got a consolation prize as the other bands had tons of skills....

As mentioned before, my aim was to be in the top 5 n fahmy's aim was top 3...but looking at the competition we were happy to settle for 7 hahaha....we were oredy joking abt getting 7th....we din mind....

And so the prize giving session came...it turns out the 5 consolation prize was not given in order, meaning we wont noe our position if we were not in the top 3....as the host, Abu a fren of mine, was gettin ready to announce the consolation prize winners, my members asked me to collect the certificate for the band as i was the leader....

And so i waited for our band name to be called...and after the 4th consolation prize winner was said, we looked at each other shocked....only 1 name left...and as it turns out it wasnt us....WE WERE IN THE TOP THREE!!!!

We cldnt believe it....all of us were shocked.....And as it turns out, we got 3RD!!!! hahaha....we were estatic tho it may seem lyk i wasnt...as i went on stage i was still in shock...i din noe if i was even smilling...den abu asked me to call the whole band up...n they went on stage proudly....

3RD!!!!! hahaha....i really cant believe it!!!! The prize was $50 worth of prizes and a 1hr jam voucher at Lee Kwong Seng....

Today is Sunday and i still cant believe we got 3rd...shocking considering we barely got thru the auditions....wats more shocking is that some of the organizers told us we actually lost out by 2-3 points due to lack of showmanship....haha...but i dun mind, the top 2 deserve to be there....they r really good....Shameer's band got 2nd and Ian's(not my drummer) got 1st....Congrats to them....

Well, yesterday i got some more unexpected news...turns out the top 3 winners of bandzout had to perform at NYP's national day celebrations on 10th Aug....so if any of u reading this is free that day, do come down....thx...

So for now i wld lyk to take this oppurtunity to thank some ppl...

1stly i lyk to thank Fahmy, Don, Has, Yana and Ian for their effort...The Tinnitus Effect did it guys....thanks 2 u all....and congratulations....

Next, i like to thank the members of my own band, Last Parade aka Left Turn On Red, Fadhly and Roma for supporting me in this competition and putting trust in me that i won't forget abt our band even tho they joke abt it hahaha...

Also, thanks to those who came, Dila, June, Riffdi, Ken, Albert, Ding yu and Ahmad...i really appreciate u guys being there....

Next, thanks to those who cldnt make but wished us luck...Sam, Sze kee, Mei Juan, Hafiz, Kenny, Yu Cheng, Geannie, Amalina, Clement,Michelle, Janson and many more...sorry if i din mention ur names coz many ppl wished us lucked...

And Thanks to the organizers, the Sit Club...especially has's fren who i din catch his name for always being there wen we needed to ask qns. Bryan for handing in the form for us, we wldnt be in the competition without u submitting the form ;) hahaha...to the Judges, Hafiz n Hendra from Steel Damage and the 2rd judge Alex...i many not noe u but u gave me the prize hahaha thx....

Lastly, i like to say thx to my parents n family for supporting me in music...u may not have liked it at 1st but u saw my love for it and accepted it...THANK U....

And a Big THANK YOU 2 ALLAH....thx for giving me the strengh to do everything and giving me the inspiration and being able to write dem out in music....but most of all thx for giving me lyf....

The auditions....

2005-07-29T12:35:00.000+08:00

The auditions....

My back hurts from lugging my heavy bass ard the streets of bugis....cram sial...hurts when i breathe....

Anyways, abt 2 months ago, Sofian and Donovan approached me...they asked what instruments that i can play coz they were thinking of joining Bandzout and so i said guitars n bass....well one things led to another and they asked me to play bass for their band coz they cldnt find anyone to play the bass....and so i tot wat the heck...n i joined.....

So i was there juz to make up the numbers...and so after 1 session, we figured that we needed another guitarist....and so i brought in Has....and so the line up became me on bass, Has and Don on guitar and ian on drums......till one day Has din bring his guitar along and was tempted to play the guitar and somehow, it sounded really nice.....we played a medley of Cranberries' Zombie and Marilyn Manson's version of Sweet Dreams....so there wasnt much keyboard in there but Has made the songs his own wif his creativity....he's damn good at keyboard....and so it was decided that he stick to keyboard and we went out on a search for another gitarist....

Meanwhile, as we were playing Zombie, a female vocalist was essential and so after so many rejections by Yana, Shahirah(duno who this person is) and a few others, Dila agreed but due to tym constriction, she had 2 bow out....

And so in desperation, i stepped in and tok to yana and somehow manage to convince her to join even tho she claim she cant sing...and by this tym, ian said he was asking a guy name Fahmy to play the guitar but fahmy seem to have some doubts and so ian introduced him to me by saying "he's the leader, wateva juz ask him" and i was lyk....speechless, i tot i was juz along for the ride, how the hell did i become the leader....and so somehow they(Ian, Don and Has) agreed for me to be the leader...

And to summarize things up, the line up became Me on bass, Ian on drums, Fahmy and Don on guitars, Has on keyboard and Yana wif the vocals....the name Tinnitus Effect was decided upon.....For those who duno wat it means, its the ringing effect u get when everything suddenly become silent....it happen to Ian and he came up wif it...i was gg for 'The The' or 'The What" or better still...'What The' hahaha.....

Niways, to be honest, to me, we're not really that gd...wif exception of Fahmy and Has of coz...they are quite gd in fact, especially Has...the others had potential...especially yana as she have a very unpolished voice....Niways after a few sessions, we finally gelled together and got better....

But still, i knew we had stiff competition....so i din expect much even tho i knew Abu who is a fren of mine was one of the judges...so i really din expect much...

Then the faithful day came, 27th July...the day of the audtions...and we sucked...hahaha....the reason, they tot we were given tym to practise which was actually our audition tym...so they din really play to their full potential....a case of miscommunication....and from their reactions, i knew they were pissed at themselves and the judges coz they judges seem really uninterested at our song...in fact, we were stopped 3/4 thruout the song due to tym limit....

So, as i was the leader, i msg them saying "Yo guys, thank you for all the effort u put in this and sorry for all the inconvinience leading up to the auditions. Keep in touch k, TC" coz some of them really had some personal problems which i wont mention here.....and later that nite, i got an sms from the organizers that results will be out the next day, 28th july....

And so the day came....i din receive any calls or sms at all...in fact i really din expect any coz i expected rejection....and so i prepare myself of what 2 say 2 my disheartened members...and this was what i cld think of..."Guys, sory to give u the bad news but we din make it...but dun be down coz i noe we din get to show our full potential but u guys did good..." i felt as a leader i had to somehow try to break the bad news in a gd way....to cheer them up....

And so finally, this was what i msged them "Erm guys....we got thru...."

Outz...

Once again, i sit by the sidelines and watch ur leading ur life happily and i realise thats wats i will always be to u, a spectator....i accept that fact now but dun blame me if i cant forget u in that way coz i cant help this feeling i have for u....but im glad that u're happy....tc....

Wats wrong wif me....?

2005-07-19T20:09:00.000+08:00

Wats wrong wif me....?

Was so pumped out to do work this morning....semangat lah kate kan....but duno wat happen....now no mood....sitting all alone in this fucking lab....actually donavan n ian r here but i doin my project alone....they sit far away n i dun wish to join dem.....so bored lah...one plus thing is tat im able to dld msn now....so at least can chat wif ppl.....or so i tot....no one online....wth rite....sheesh....hmmm....

Now bert, ding yu, sk, sam n mei juan havin lecture...they finsh in 15 mins tym....till den im alone....its 8.15 pm now....haiz....so bored.....fahmy keep on comin up from lec...guess the lec is boring i guess....i duno wat to do wif the cookie mei juan gove me....duno lah no mood to eat it....i took one oredy but she forced me take another....den sam dowan to take....haiyoh....

i noe i muz be crapping rite....wat to do, no mood 2 do project....so juz anyhow type lah...dun feel lyk jamming tmr....no money n tired...but they 1 2 jam...so have to make allowance....haiz...bored sia....jamming wif my bandzout mates btw.....i duno how i came abt bein the leader for them....i was there at 1st juz to make up the numbers, cuz i can play bass....but now they ask me 2 be leader....wth.....

I really hope my band get into tapestry 2005 cuz if we dun, the dissapointment will be so bad i duno if we'll be able to recover....god oh god, pls let us thru....i really need this....im banking alot on this....really hope we get it....the result of this may make the difference whether our band will die or not....so pls keep our band alive...keep my dreams alive....

What's Ur Bugaboo????

2005-07-18T20:23:00.000+08:00

What's Ur Bugaboo????

Last friday i was helping my fren wif her report n needed to find an alternative word for problem which was suitable wif the sentence that i was using and so i decided to consult www.dictionary.com. They have a very good thesaraus there. And so my fren typed out the word problem pressed enter....when the results were retrieved, i saw many words that i had anicipated but didnt think was suitable. But one word stuck out like a sore thumb, it immediately caught my attention, or rather my fren's attention lah coz as u noe my eye sight not very good so only after she said it to me did i see how interesting the word is....And that word is bugaboo.....what a word rite....

I mean imagine this senario, u see to ah bengs or gangsta staring at each other in a very hostile manner....den one guy comes up to another facing toe-2-toe with each other....with tension so thick it would need a parang to cut it....den one guy says to the other...."What's ur bugaboo!!!!!"

hahahaha ppl are saying its too cute of a word to be used in that situation but i think its very suitable....afterall, y fight? laffing is better.....y not banish all fighting and replace it wif laffing....

Imagine having a laffing competition....erm...i dun really noe how that wld work but it wld really be smth wldn't it.....niways, bert n ding yu r rushing me to go eat....have lots to blog abt...no tym....nvm....update sum other tym.....outz....

Still waiting...

2005-07-14T18:55:00.000+08:00

Still waiting...

Its been nearly 2 weeks since the auditions....no news yet...haiz...the way we performed, im not sure if we are gd enuf to their standards....hope is gettin bleak....praying hard i get it.....

Niways, i guess now i have to start concentrating on the Bandzout auditions....the auditions will be on the 27th....comin soon...not sure if we'll make it....sure hope we do....

Wish me luck for both auditions.....

So freaking bored....

2005-07-13T21:00:00.000+08:00

So freaking bored....

Im so freaking bored in this freaking lab....i no mood to do work sia....i guess tat 45 minit wait in the bloody bus spoil my damn mood to do work....stay in sch till 9+ for nuthing...haiyoh.....sleepy......

Outz.....

Jamming....

2005-07-11T14:34:00.000+08:00

Jamming....

Last friday, i accompanied Albert to Boon's Jamming studio....he wanted to learn the drums u see, so he figured he could learn while me playing songs on the guitar or bass...i wld have prefered a complete band but bert said he wanted onli ppl he was comfortable ard wif to follow...so in the end Ding Yu was asked along as he could play the keyboard.....or so we tot....

My thinking was that mebi the keyboard cld give my guitar or bass some back up tho i knew from the looks of it he don really listen to the songs i usually play....bert said that wldnt be a problem as he wanted to play my originals songs so that they cld come up wif their own beat n rythm...

And so the 1st 40-45 mins was spent for dem to get use to the instruments....i was set n ready to go after minor tuning of the guitar and bass....but i juz gave them tym to get use to the place....they were wat u call 'virgins' hehehe....

Aniways, i always knew the keyboards cld create great effects and so i asked ding yu to play ard wif the voices a little bit...u now, get the effects running....but the blur look on his face told me he din noe how to...so bert n i concluded that he may not be use to this model....so me n bert wen over to the keyboard to play ard wif the controls as we both have experience wif the keyboard....

And after a while, i managed to figure things out while bert attention was quickly distracted by the guitar i left beside the amp...and ding yu quickly came over, excited wif the prospect of having the different voices and effects....

And so me n bert got back to our places and we started playing some warm up before unsuccessfully trying to play a song hahaha...i cld see ding yu was having problem wif the keyboard and so i ask him to play a tune and i n bert will follow it to at least play smth rythmic...and so he did....

And to make things easier for myself, i asked him wat note was he playing...and all he did was look at me and looking blur....and so bert got up to see and he told me "he play B"...and so i came up wif some tune and bert tried to accompany wif some basic drum beats....

It was kinda nice but it got boring after a few mins....so i decided to play an instrumental piece that i have been working on. Bert drums was in sync wif wat i was playin and so i ask ding yu to play a tune wif the base note of A and once again i got a blur look from him....but he managed to find it at last after trying a few keys....at this point, i kinda got suspicious as to how well he can [lay the keyboard....

And so after 2 hours of experimenting, we headed back top sch via bus 13. And on the journey back to sch, i decided to ask ding yu abt the keyboard....and so i asked, "how long have u been playing the keyboard?" And i was greeted wif another blur look before he said "i never play before."

This tym, it was me n bert who gave blur faces and looked at each other...and almost at the same tym we said "I tot u say u played the keyboard?" And he assured us he din...and so we started laffing at our own sillyness...haiz....and i was lyking asking him "dun u find it weird that we suddenly ask u to play the keyboard?" hahaha and he said "yah, tats y i wondering..."

So u see communication is very important....imagine we spent 2 whole hours asking sumone who only had experience wif the recorder to play the keyboard....hahaha...silly sia....i felt kinda stupid....but imagine how he wld have felt....i mean, he must have been so pressurized by us as we seem to expect him to play well for no reason at all wen he tot we knew he cldnt play the keyboard....haha we practically forced the keyboard on him....but i admit, it was fun....

And so now, bert ask me to teach ding yu to play the guitar as he plan to make a band wif him playing drums....he told me that he initially wanted to aske me join but he changed his mind as he tot my standard of playing was far from dem....but i had to tell him the truth...

Im not gd at all...im onli a beginner tho i have to admit that at least i have the basics which is an advantage coz they are onli starting to learn the basics....actually, i dun mind playing wif dem but i got to be realistic, tym is smth i dun have...and oso cash....coz at the moment i have to concentrate on my project, practise for tapestry 2005(hopefully we get in) wif my band, practise for bandzout 2005 auditions wif my schmates, my religious class held by my uncle and oso taking care of my dad....and dun forget abt finding tym for my frens, they're important too. As it is, i hvnt had tym to contact moz of my close frens at all at the moment...haiz....tired....

And so i start blogging again wif a long entry...hope whoever that read tis dun mind taking the tym spent....and so yah....outz....

Tagboard sux....

2005-07-07T19:02:00.000+08:00

Tagboard sux....

Juz wen i abt to prove that my tagboard doesnt work, it does.......

Go figure......

Wakin up a broken man

2005-06-23T13:32:00.000+08:00

Wakin up a broken man

I went to sleep last nite on a high but woke up today feeling broken....why?

The reason is simple....i juz feel unworthy....of wat? haiz....i wish i can say....

The thing is, i noe its been a long tym since i blog, its because i use this place to blog abt how i feel, u noe, juz a place to let out things lyk many others do...the prob is, i dun really lyk to share my feelings for a certain sumone in such a public place....mostly because i dun 1 2 shame her....coz its really a one-sided thing....

She's juz so lovely...her smile is juz so wonderful...its lyk wen she smile, the whole room kinda lights up. And she got a pair of big beautiful eyes which i really lyk to look at but im juz too shy to look....and her hair, so smooth and fragrant...i noe coz sumtyms wen she walk by, i can smell it...the smell is juz so wonderful, smth that i can describe but i can recognise anywhr....Well, wat can i say, beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder and to me, she's juz so beautiful...juz so angelic, so heavenly....juz so beautiful.....

And its not only her looks that is beautiful, her character too...the way she present herself to ppl is wat really attracts me...her attitude, her sense of humour...the way she walk, the way she tok....to me, she's wat i really look for in a gal....

My frens tell me to give things a try, the thing is, i did, and she rejected me...no surprise....n i respect her decision....but some of my closer frens have asked me to try again if i really lyk her as much as i claim i do. But i told dem im not gg to bother her that way again and so they ask me to move on...and i am....or at least trying to.

I really am trying, but i juz cant stop thinking of her....i think of her every single day, sometyms, i dream of her...and its really not helping me to move on....i wish that i can make her happy, even if its in the capacity of a fren....but i guess im juz to shy or afraid to tok to her sometyms...tho i do force myself at tyms....

So now, the thing is, i 1 2 get her smth special or do smth special for her...the occasion being her juz being herself...no special reason lah...juz 1 2 try to make her smile...but im afraid she wld not accept wateva i do or get for her....she may get the wrong idea that i want smth more den frenship from her....the fact is, i accepted the fact that she doesnt want me that way.....tho i still very much do lyk her....

For now, i juz wish she's happy........

PS: To whoever reading this, dun ask me who she is, im not gg to reveal her identity coz i really dun 1 2 shame her...she dun deserve any humiliation that i can offer...so dun ask....juz noe her as NABS....

I knew it....

2005-06-09T20:19:00.000+08:00

I knew it....

I knew it, i knew it....i knew tat once i blogged abt that qns ppl will start asking who are the 3 gals(refer to my previous entry) hahaha...well they are....hold on, let me tell u guys who was asked what qns....

Let's see, we were bored wen we decided to play games and dila suggested some lame games(y am i not surprised??? haha) so we kinda ignored her politely hahaha niways, farhan, or was it amalina, suggested that since some off us havent met up for quite sometym, we shd ask each other qns...u noe, kinda lyk truth or dare style juz without the dare....

So yah, they use a fork to spin ard and it juz so happen by luck, my bad one, i was the first one to get qnsed...and all of them were lyk so excited sia...especially amal, dila, roma and an....kinda scary...i was sure it was gg to be a humiliating one...and it was...

Aniways, wen the fork stopped in my direction, they all started clapping and cheering and shouting. And amal raised her hand so high up(plus the fact that she's tall so very high) and exclaimed "I ask! I ask!" and the rest was lyk "ok, ok...." In my mind at that tym was lyk "Wth! she seem so prepared....i wonder how long she's been waiting for a chance lyk this to humiliate me"....

And so her qns "If u were trapped on a deserted island with 3 gals, who wld they be and why? And they cant be celebrities"

And lyk i said before, i quickly answered "My mum, my granny and my niece" And they answer "NO! cannot....must be gals....frens...." hahaha sabo kings and queens...wth rite....i was really wondering why 3? i mean isnt it odd...usually its 1...and further more y must frens....? Why gals....? So i tot, ok, so what do i need on a deserted island? And which of my female frens can provide me that....? So i tot survival....sure...but how? Wif gd communication i guess, not mentioning the fact that i must be able to tolerate the 3 gals or vice versa hahaha....so after a few short seconds(coz they were rushing me) i said "ok, they are......."

Let me juz tok abt the others first and get back to my answer later....so aniways, i spinned the fork and it stopped in ain's direction...And farhan asked "What are ur dreams for the future?" Gd qns rite? compared to mine....so anyways ain answered that she wants to try to get to a University after her A's and spinned the fork....

This tym it stopped in an's direction. Well actually, it stopped in my direction but since i've been asked oredy, ain spinned it again. So this tym dila, ain and yani asked an "What u plan to do after NS?" Another gd one rite? So an answered that he planned to sign on coz he lyks being in the police force and spinned the fork....

And it stopped in rosz direction....so dila asked "After so many experiences, what abt u have changed since leaving secondary sch?" hahaha a real good one huh....? we even joked that rosz shd say "world peace" after her answer hahaha lyk in miss universe....hahaha so anyways, i wun really say what answered coz its kinda personal i tink but mainly coz its very long and that not many of u noe her ahahahhahaha....so yah she answered and spinned the fork....

This tym it was yani. And once again dila asked again, "After losing contact wif a few ppl here(she looked at me at this point and i knew she wants to no more abt yani's bf-me situation), how do u feel abt meeting dem again?" Dila damn saboing me sia...but at least a better qns den the one i kena....so anyways yani wen on to answer stating that she happy get 2 meet up especially after losing contact wif me coz of that infamous msg....thats wen a few heads turned looking confused....and dila asked yani to tell dem what happened....and i was lyk WTH.....???? "Eh must really tell meh?" haiyoh....i dun lyk to think abt fights lah....so yah aniways she told dem what happened and that she accept the fact that its her bf faults and blah blah blah and spinned the fork....

And it was amal's turn...and rosz asked "What is the reason that after all this while, u never had a boyfren?" See, gd one rite? And so amal answered....actually u can go read her blogged coz she actually blogged her answer hahaha....but while answering she very nervous coz she tot i will sabo her hahaha dun worry mal, ur secret is safe wif me, i promise u....and so she spinned the fork.....

And it was dila's turn....and somebody, i dun rmb who, asked "how u feel abt us after never meet for so long?" And so she answered she's happy to get to meet us and that if it wasnt for me she wldnt have met up wif dem coz this grp have never really been a close one and that she love us all.....And at the part wen she say if it wasnt for me, everyone was lyk "wah....." and clapped and clapped and clapped and kept on saying "shad, wah...." wth, issit wrong for me to like gathering the old gang together...? sheesh....

And so we were left wif roma, and yani asked, "All this while, have u ever tot abt getting in a seriuz relationship?" I was really surprised wif theis qns as i noe roma have always been seriuz abt his relationship and always he was the one who was dumped...and he din have to answer coz rosz answer for him...as in he always has been seriuz...juz that the other party wasnt...

So u see the others got gd qns even tho some were kinda simillar...but still gd....and look at mine....sheesh...and amal, if u are reading this, dun get the wrong idea juz that i find ur qns weird...and so, backed to my answer....

And so my answer had to be some who wasnt there(must be diplomatic mah hahaha), sumone who i can communicate well wif, sumone who i can tolerate, sumone who can tolerate me(or mebi not hahaha), sumone who can tolerate the other 2, sumone who i can depend on...u noe survival...so my answer is........hahaha im not gg to mention it here...neither am i gg to tell ppl hahahaha...coz i cant be sure that the ppl who r on my list will choose me to put on their list....hahaha and some other reason too lah...to complicated to explain....juz noe that the 3 are my gd frens....outz....

Bored....

2005-06-09T13:34:00.000+08:00

Bored....

It's been awhile since i last blogged...mainly its coz i lazy to blog...n i still dun feel 'hardworking' enuff to start blogging but im having vb now wif tancs as the tutor...so yah tat explains it...SO DAMN BORED.....

He give us a very vague qns and give a fucked up explaination whiich anyone hardly listen to....He sucks lah...i really not sure wat im suppose to do for this practical....

Anyways, been slacking alot the past few 2 weeks since i started school...but mostly slack out of sch...not that i find slacking in sch bored, its juz that most of the tym, im alone in sch. The only ones from my class who are studying are me, sam, sze kee and albert. The rest are either doing fypj or attachement somewhere...And the other 3 r doin a diff track from me....so mostly, im alone during breaks due to the difference in tym table...so bored sia...

So most of the tym i've been walking around aimlessly during my breaks, if im lucky, sam and gang will have thier break at the same tym as me...i guess i have to learn to start being alone coz that's wat i'll be most of the tym...

Oh yah made some new frens too, i got to now yana, grace, lisyun, has and aisyah....The first 3 i got to coz we happen to be in the same project grp tho grace is no longer in our class now....Has is actually sharif's fren...was so bored during tcs lesson that i juz started toking to him...and aisyah is the malay gal at cheers....i tot she was dila's fren and tats y i tok to her...but turns out she's not...haiyoh...malu sia...

Anyways, last monday, i catch up wif some of the former gyss gang...roma, an, amal, rosz, dila, yani and ain....first went to far east den slacked at somerset coffee bean...minah was working...and we saw anba there haha long tym neva see him...he used to teach me english during my sec 5 days....

Well anyways, we played a few lame games at coffee bean...including asking each other qns since we hvnt met up for quite some tym....the thing is, during this qna session i feel kinda out of place or smth....coz a few qns directed to some ppl and some answers kinda were indirectly connected to me....and the qns i got was lyk damn different...U see the qns others got was things like "what u plan to do after NS?", "How have u chged since secondary sch?", "After not meeting for so long, how u feel?", "How u feel meeting up after losing contact wif some ppl(the person wh ask actually paused to look at me at this pt)?" So basically the qns asked were to do wif lyf....

So wat did they ask me? "If u were to be trapped on a deserted island wif 3 gals, who wld they be? And celebreties are not allowed." WTH!!!! So i answered, "My mum my granny and my niece" but the turn that answer down...it has to be frens gals...wth....i wun write the answer here....

Anyways, lesson over...gtg...

Hoping...

2005-05-29T18:46:00.000+08:00

Hoping...

Juz finished watching The making of madagascar....funny man...really looking foward to watch it hahaha i hope i do get to watch it...so many movies i wanted to watch before but missed...so im hoping i'll get to watch this movie...some extra laughter would be damn nice for me now hehe...heck, i'll even watch it alone if no one else wants to watch it wif me....fadhly n roma oredy made it clear they're not interested...n bia watched it oredy...so i duno lah....mebi ask my classmates or ahmad to follow...last resort den i watch alone...

Niways, school starting tmr...gona be damn bored...well at least i'll have some activities to do...hope i can do as well as last sem...

Oredy starting to plan my tym....or rather see which day i end early so that i can have tym for gitar session n jam session wif my band...and oso 1 2 watch madagascar....oso trying to squeeze in tym for work...

Toking abt work, i better find one soon....me, fad and roma went to the airport last sat after our jam session...wat a dissapointment, they weren't hiring part-timers for now....n im gg broke...fad trying to get his frens who r working there to recommend us but im not hoping too much...i noe i can get a job at 7-11 again but i rather find smth else...working there is really redundant...gets boring after sometym....mebi i try Process...its a security company...as far as i noe the requirement is to be 18 and above...so i qualify...if all fails den 7-11 it is...

I went online today via web messenger in hopes of seeing some of my frens online, or rather my close ones...u noe, those who i can rely on...but none online...need someone to check smth for me...i really hate this computer now, cant go msn, 1 2 check stuff oso hard...haiz...but wat 2 do...juz live wif it lah....

I guess most of the hopes i wish for are really out of my hands...as in i cant do anything abt it...i do have alot of hopes and wishes but somehow those that i really, really want are those which are out of reach...

Yesterday me n roma went to esplanade from the airport. We met farhan, rosnitah and amal there...amal had to make an early exit so in the end it was me roma, han n minah(tats wat they call ros)...after some tym the tok somehow came to the topic of "Single Forever" haha supposedly i was the founder of that so-called grp...mebi it was because i used to say that i'll be Single Forever or SF for short...the thing is, after i met maryam, i din noe that roma, han and minah 'decided' to join that grp and said that i deserted them...haha well, after i broke up wif maryam, i guess im back in the grp....and now roma is to...but actually he prefer our short-term membership grp which goes by the name of "Single Forawhile" haha from what i heard yesterday, they said after i 'left' the grp, han followed suit first den roma n minah respectively...so now im back, n roma too...and han told me he has decided to join again due to some problems he having now...i guess no relationship is safe to those who have joined our grp...let's hope minah dun follow suit....

Anyways....after joking abt SF, we oso realised smth else we had in common...haha all four of us used to be bandmates...yup, minah too, tho only for a short while...haha...it use to be me and han on gitars, roma on bass and minah on keyboards...the only one left was reza, the ex drummer...haha

Reunion i guess haha...well, another reunion i had was last friday wen me n roma came down to nyp...we decided to join fadhly frens for soccer again but decided to come earlier to slack n play gitar...and while we were slacking, we met up wif ariff haha....For those who duno, me, ariff and roma performed together during our secondary sch Teachers day celebrations. We played 'Wasted Love' then...cldnt say we play it well, but the crowd enjoyed it...after that day, more ppl suddenly knew us...haha nvm...niways, again the drummer was missing...hussein was the drummer for that day haha so i guess my ex-band reunion will always be without the drummer haha...juz hope its not the same wif my current band tho...

For now, its roma on drums...and i have to say his drumming is definitely improving by leaps n bounds...hope we can make smth out of this band...but 1 problem is the band name. Yup, we hvnt got a name yet....we discussed and brainstorm abt it so many tyms but yet no solutions....

So far, here's wat we got. Roma's suggestion: The Last office, The gal on the tree, 2+1, The The, Gentle Reminder, Chum Bucket, Some Strangers, For Play, Beautiful Lie, Life in General, Nathan's Dogs, Kill the Government, Bomb the Government,Rama-Rama Walk, Useless Talent, Homerun, Ting-a-ling-a-ling, Terminal Bomb, Kith and Kin and lasty, Proud Riders.

Fadhly's suggestion: Deathcandy, Sea-sick Captain, Chicken Drumsticks, Pink Candy, Threesome, Artifact, Where do we go from here, Plan One and Sunlove Hope.

My suggestion: Ministry of green, Black orange, Terminal 5, Terminal 3, For Rent, Ah-heh-heh-heh-heh, Mere Inmates, The band formerly known as Left Turn On Red, The Band formerly known as De'Uknown, Kick the Bucket, My band, Our Band, Jam Band, Last Friday, The What, Mad Sailors and some yet to be suggested are: Unintended Consequences and Contridicting Ironies

Of course not all those mentioned above are to be taken seriuzly, some are jokes we pull towards each other and others juz for laffs, for example, Jam Band-those who are fluent in the malay language will understand,Proud Riders, Ting-a-ling-a-ling, Ah-heh-heh-heh-heh, Sunlove Hope and so on....

But those that are being considered seriuzly are now in the processed of being fine tuned. Like Deathcandy- 21 Deathcandy, Deathcandy 21 or twenty-first Deathcandy. Last friday-Last friday nite, Artifact- Arty fag, Arty fack.....

So u see, we dun have much to go on...so any ideas....?

Outz....

Im starting to hate this tagboard.....

2005-05-26T15:22:00.000+08:00

Im starting to hate this tagboard.....

Haiz...im really starting to hate this damn tagboard of mine...i mean its my own tagboard yet i can hardly tag....everytym i try it'll go like 'cant retrieve url' or wateva...and i notice this only happens to shoutbox...so mebi i need to change...n i notice on amal's tag there's alot of nonsence so i wont change to tat...

Anyways, yah i noe it's been a while since i went online or blogged...no mood i guess...kinda gettin bored of facing the comp each day...sch starting soon so i better take a break...its not lyk ppl chat wif me wen im online either...most of the tym i'll be playing game...i dun even need to bother to put myself as away, no one really approach me haha wat can i say....i noe im not exactly an approchable guy haha...as for my blog, i noe not many ppl do read it so i dun bother so much haha...i mean the main reason y i have this blog is for me to juz write abt how i feel wen i can put dem in a song hahaha....

Anyways, the reason im online today is coz my mum asked me to print out my result so that i can submit it to mendaki for my study loan...so i drop by my blog n notice that got ppl tag me...haha n i cant reply...idiotic tagboard....so if u all dun mind, i reply u all via my entry k....

Firstly, sam, i think u say ka jioa as in the malay word rite? "Kacau" means disturb...haha i dun tink ppl will disturb lah...as it is, no one have...and i kinda noe who reads my blog...onli a few....i tink can count on one hand oso hahamebi 4-5 ppl onli...and i tink i can trust u all haha coz u see, as u all noe, my hp kena cut and to make matters worst, i cant log in to my msn now coz it states tat i have to dld the new version of it which i cant coz i need a new version of IE to which somehow i cant install...so yah, i cant log in...but i do use web messenger at tyms, but it sux...haha

Secondly, bia, see how sick i am, cant even spell feeling properly haha...actually wen i typed tat, i was in sch...was in a hurry coz needed to log off the comp n go meet fadhly...niways, yah im better...n r u happy that i finally blogged? haha For those who duno, she keeps on asking y i neva update...the answer is as explained above....and oso mebi coz im hardly home the past 2 weeks...hehe shall blog abt those some other tym tho...if i ever do get ard to blog abt it tat is...and bia, its ok u cant make it last sat, i din even noe u were following hahaha tats between u n fadhly...altho i do welcome anyone who wants to follow us jamming...we plan to try out for tapestry again and auditions will be held this june, not sure wen exactly, so now im actually want ppl to follow so as to help us feel more comfortable playing in front of ppl...so if there's anyone out there who wants their ears temporarily deaf for a few hours while having fun slacking wif us, u r welcome....and hopefully u'll enjoy our music too....so juz contact me thru my home k....

And finally, sam, did i mention to u i gg sch this fri? Coz as far as i noe, the last i tok to u was last fri n i din mention tat i gg to sch...n i din even noe i was gg sch....u sound as tho i am gg sch juz not gg blk L....did i miss smth? As a matter a fact, bia oso asked if i gg sch this fri....hmmm...do u ppl noe smth i dun? Well, my cuzin did ask me n my fren roma to come down and play soccer and roma said he'll come if i do...but i duno lah...its been a long tym since i visited my granny, coz i usually do on fridays...but then again, sad to say but i feel lyk im in real need of a smoke...dun ask me y. I noe its not gd for me but i kinda need it to kinda compose myself coz smth or rather sumone, been on my mind and i trying to forget her...not ez tho...kinda making me miserable so yah the smoke do help. And if i do come down this fri, i'll get some ciggy from roma haha tho tats not a really big motivation for me to come down...

Last week, i play a little soccer...damn bored lah...coz i dun noe many of them so not really fun ah...more fun if my frens ard...n to add to the boredom, no ciggy....haha....me n roma really felt out of place...especially our dressing...haha cant believe they actually changed into boots and all n me n roma were wearing jeans n t-shirt...azie said ok wen i say play soccer wif us, but in the end she go home hahaha....wat only...haha den on the way to the field, bumped into dila, again, and she followed us...haha i guess it made the hours i spent there a bit more fun, at least i get to make fun of sumone hahaha...been a long tym since we met her so we really irritated her alot...n she belongs to a long line of frens who say my acting is not good haha up to u guys, how can u all jugde my acting wen im not? haha and if its really bad, why u all kena fooled den? hahaha....but seriuzly, i dun lyk to act...even wen i joke ard, i rather be more strait foward....i may not be a good actor, but sumhow, my "skills" always comes thru for me wen i need dem...i mean, how do u guys think i always manage to get out of trouble in pri, sec sch and at home? hahaha i have my ways....

Outz....

Emergency

2005-05-18T18:37:00.000+08:00

Emergency

I think my hp line has been cut or smth due to my late payment or smth. Still overdue some of it. Im not sure...usually if late payment, they'll cut outgg calls n sms first...but they problem is, i cant sms, i cant call, i cant receive call. And when i try to call instead of an annoucement it gives me the out of range signal...so im a bit unsure wats happening...as far as i noe, if its cut the operator name wldnt be there rite...but the word Singtel is still there...so issit my hp or my line....

Anyways, for the moment if any of u 1 2 contact me, call my home k....

64488770 if any of u duno....

*Take Note

2005-05-16T21:34:00.000+08:00

*Take Note

I wld like to inform some of you ppl abt smths....

Before any of you ask me abt that school of rock competition, pls read the rules carefully...is for students aged between 13-19 so pls dun ask me if im joining...my band is sadly over the age limit....

Secondly, i wld like to say sorry coz i really am not interested in Star Wars so i wont be follow anyone to the cinema to watch that show. I rather watch Hamlet for goodness sake...

And lastly, actually i forgot haha so i will blog it some other tym....

outz....

Star Wars....

2005-05-15T16:02:00.000+08:00

Star Wars....

Frankly speaking i think star wars is too over-rated....i really dun get all this hype surrounding it...and now with episode six comin juz ard the corner, smth abt the revenge of the sikh or issit sixth haha sith or wateva...wat a title man hahaha...

So here comes the hype all over again....i really duno wats so fascinating abt it...all they are showing is that on earth not enuf space so they go to, well, space to have wars haha...and the names are really 'incredible' i heard there's a planet naboo....is that true? haha ninaboo haha nvm...and also the hair-stlying involved...phew...heavy duty man haha i mean look at the buns the princess or queen have...i mean the buns on her head tho ;) yes her hair....

And the aliens...man what a sight...i mean some of them resemble a monkey or ape who can fly space rockets haha...and tat Jar Jar Binks...i tink they got the inspiration to create that character while staring at a fish tank coz seriuzly, that guy, or rather alien, really looks lyk my sucker fish...the resemblance is creepy man...and yoda...a name that sounds lyk yoga...what kind of alien is he? a Gremlin? haha....all this while, the spore government tries very hard to promote the use of proper english in spore...yet the media is spending money to advertise a show which boast a popular character which is suppose to be one of the wisest or smartest one who cant speak proper english...yah i admit singlish is bad...but at least it doesnt sound funny...haha i mean am i suppose to be smart if i can talk back words....imagine hearing ppl say 'hell what the!', 'you f*ck!', 'my hi slimshady name is' haha imagine eminem rapping using yoda's english. That would definitely be a mouthful....and how abt saying 'O.K' in yoda's english? what? wld it be 'K.O'? den 'K.O' wld be 'O.K'? nvm....the list goes on and on and on....

Haha, to be frank, i tried getting into this hype once...mostly out of curiousity...i juz wanted to noe what tis all abt....so i decided to watch star wars episode erm...1? i tink...anyways, after abt 20 minits or so, i fell sound aslp...so u see, its not that i din try, i did...but its really not for me...

Coincidently, 2 of my frens, bia and roma, are big fans of star wars and the past 2 weeks or so, they been talking non stop abt it....to me. So now, i guess, u all noe y i complain that im bored haha....haiz and roma been irritating me by saying 'may the force be wif you' wats up wif that man? what force? i dun lyk to be forced ok haha so i finally got back at him last nite as we were ending our fone conversation...he said that line to me again and upon sudden inspiration, i said 'ok, miss u, miss u' haha and he was like...wth...haha i guess now he will think twice abt saying that to me again....yah i noe my answer doesnt make sense...btu neither did it make sense for him to say that to me...so yah...hahaha

Another way to stop him talking abt star wars, is to bring up its rival hahaha he was talking abt star wars once when i said i rather watch star trek hahaha and irritated, he stop talking hahaha....i guess this is 2 tips i can offer now for those who are in the same position as me...hehehe

But despite all the jokes and mocking i make, i cant argue wif the fact that it has been a success for many years. At least it makes millions, that more than what i can say abt myslef hahaha...so yah my hat goes off to them for being able to create a story that can attract many ppl...but lyk i said, its juz not my cup of tea....outz....

bored...bored...bored....

2005-05-15T01:01:00.000+08:00

bored...bored...bored....

I guess its now lyk the upmteenth tym im complaining abt being bored...but i juz got home! haha....

My granny was discharged earlier today, and after that i went for my weekly jam session....it was juz what i needed i guess...reliefing my fever and letting some stuff out of my head....playing my songs really kind of cool my mind i guess....

Currently we only playing 'Love is Blind' & 'Where are you(may chg this title soon)' tho the latter needs more fine tuning especially the last part of the song....but i was thinking of bringing back 'why' and after some experimenting juz now, 'moderation' maybe coming back as an instrumental piece....I guess unless i find a way to modify 'Halfway' & 'I wonder', i guess those 2 songs are history...for those who had a liking for 'wasted love', sorry...we wont be playing anymore, only mebi for pleasure...yup, we're dropping it...haha i rmb those days when ppl kept on asking me to play that song haha and now, its being labelled 'old skool' haha

Im currently working on 'Biography of me', 'Remember how i feel' and another song yet to be titled...Also doing some experimenting on my guitar to get new tunes tat can catch the attention of ppl lyk a few of my old songs...

Niways, since it was Roma & fadhly bdae this past week, i decided to treat them this week jam session haha...its the least i cld do...after the hour long session, we headed for Novena Square as usual for our lunch...and after some consideration, we went to lucky plaza to shoot some pool...as usual, my form cld have been better...haha i think im begining to suck at it man haha...roma n fad play quite well tho towards the end the got distracted by the minahs there...sheesh...i duno wat to say haha and they tried to make me 'prasaan' by saying tat the gal they were ogling at was looking at me haha sorry guys, i dun get prasaan easily haha i noe where i stand haha....i stand alone hahaha.....but even if smth lyk that happens, they damn well noe that i dun care hahahaha

I dun noe how long we spent playing pool there, mebi ard 2 hrs...but after that we decided to go somewhr and slack...but fadhly realised that it was 7 and so he had to go home for some family function....so once again, it was roma n me slacking ard town lyk stupid fools haha...so we spent a few hrs toking abt lyf...and wen we finally wanted to go home, it started to rain and so we had to stay till abt 11.30 till we decided to brave the rain in fear that we wld miss the last train....luckily, we didnt...i got the last train....haha....

On the way home, i was alone...so damn bored...ntuhing to do...so i started thinking...thinking of things that i cld blog abt...and all that i cld muster up was angry tots haha....duno y i keep on thinking abt those mats n minahs i see at town....getting myself so angry for nuthing...haiz...i juz hate those stares ah...i mean if they think they got smth to prove to me then stop staring and confront me lah...dun look away wen i return ur stares ah...siow....

Haiz, enuf lah forget abt them better hahaha....haiz...i 1 2 go watch wrestling lah now....outz....

Boy, im surprised....

2005-05-13T23:43:00.000+08:00

Boy, im surprised....

Was feeling slightly better this afternoon, so i decided to go to the hospital....

Its been a long tym since my family have been together...yah there were tyms when we were all togther but now they seem united again...except for a few...n that makes me feel slightly better....

Niways my granny's op went well...

Actually wat surprised me was that wen i got there, so many ppl asked if i was okay coz somehow they all heard i was having high fever...Din noe so many ppl concerned abt me hahaha....

Gettin better now, still feeling dizzy tho...stomach still pain...back still aching...how bad was my fever??? Well ask Bia, she called me yesterday and upon hearing my weak voice, she tot i was sad or mebi crying....haha my voice was weak and kinda shaky, due to me freezing up....i told bia, i was lyk a freezing pochong....was covered up in blanket from head to toe...but despite the coldness, i was sweating...i guess thats wat u call a cold sweat...the fever was a sudden thing man...

Was okay on wednesday...and on thurs morning, i started feeling the effects...and to be truthfull, i dun tink i ever had such a high fever....

And it looks lyk i heating up again...i juz took my medicine, hope i get well....coz tmr got jam session....really dowan 2 miss that....outz....

Silence...

2005-05-13T14:13:00.000+08:00

Silence...

Finally i decided to throw away the laggy video even tho i like that song...y? coz i think silence is the best for me rite now....im tired...not physically...mentally. Im tired at seeing the same four walls everyday...i need some peace...and therefore silence is the best.

Niways, Happy birthday to fadhly and a belated birthday to roma...

Dun feel lyk saying much.

Juz wondering if the below is true...

bored....bored....bored....

my granny having operation at 3 today....

hope all goes well....

had very high fever last nite...feeling better now tho my head still feeling heavy...

I wish my mind would stop mocking me, i told myself to give up so stop mocking me...

sheesh.......

boredom to the max....

2005-05-12T12:29:00.000+08:00

boredom to the max....

Lyf is getting boring and redundant...i need 2 get out man...need to enjoy...im not used to being locked up at home...

The problem is, when i do have tym to go out, there's no one to go out wif....And now gg out will be harder as my grandma was warded again yesterday. She'll be undergg operation this fri....

So u see, wen i do get out, im at the hospital....boring............

I NEED SOME ENJOYMENT!!!

Can anyone out there help???? hahaha....

Missive

2005-05-11T10:39:00.000+08:00

Missive

A fren once said to me that she thinks that i act tough on the outside....i din noe i act tough....haha i never did try...so mebi i do look tough emotionally on the outside haha...mebi...

So i start to ponder, wats wrong wif being emo? Ppl treat it lyk its some kind of a curse...i mean, we are all humans. Wats so uncool abt that??? Box Car Racers was labelled 'The Emo side of Blink 182'...well, due to the many things that i think have been left unsaid, i'm going to write a letter, a letter showing the emo side of me....

*Note: All the facts below, may or may not be true. Names or nicknames have been changed to protect the identity of the person. If by in anyway the situation described below is simmilar to yours or fammiliar, then thats your problem cause this may or may not be true about me.....

MISSIVE

Dear Nabs,

how are you? Did i greet you right cause a fren once told me that this is the way to greet people. I would have believe him if he hadn't blurt out so many nonsense.

So anyways, its been a long time since we interfaced, well, actually it may not feel that long to you. Sure we do talk thanks to the many wonders of modern technology but i guess it can never be the same, i mean, your presence kind of make the big difference. I duno wat it is but somehow i feel happy when i'm around you, no matter how many butterflies get into my stomach everytym before we meet...

Yes, did you know that, i do get nervous when i'm about tp meet you but the moment i see you, all those butterflies dissapear and happiness sinks in. Yah i know you may not feel the same way, In fact, that's the reason why i wrote this letter.

It's obvious, i guess, to me especially that you don't feel the same way as i do. I know you don't look foward to the prospect of meeting me as much as i do to meeting you. I know you don't think of me as much as i think of you when we're not around each other. I guess i knew this a long time ago and i was just being in denial, being my own stubborn self, always dreaming.

But dreams are good aren't they? Well at least those countless dreams i have about you makes me smile. And smiling means that i'm happy right? And being happy is good right? I guess so...Well, as i said before, that's what i want for you.

I'm not really sure about this, but somehow i feel that you're with someone know or that maybe, you like someone. But what i'm sure of, is that i'm not the one you think of and although it hurts, i guess it's ok. I mean, i can't force you. Things like this can't be forced. And i don't blame you either.

To be truthful, i know i have nothing good to offer to you. Yah sure i hoped and prayed that i could go out with you, you know just hanging out or stuff like that. But somehow i can't envisage you accepting an offer to spent time with me. Yet foolishly, i find excuses to meet you or talk to you. And it may irritate you.

But the thing is, all this is just frustrating for me. Don't get me wrong, its just that i don't know what's going on in your life anymore. And i sense that you may be going thru tough times and what frustrates me is that i can't help you or even make you feel slightly better. I swear, if i could do anything to make you feel like you're on top of the world, i would.

I guess, things will always be one-sided between us(i can't envisage any reason why you would accept me) and that's ok. I guess being your fren is better than not knowing you at all. You're really a wonderful person any i have never regretted knowing you. If anything, you have made my life so much better with your smiles and your cheerful presence. So here i am, being honest to you. You said, you rather i give it up, and so i will if that makes you happy. But i can't lie that i won't hope or dream for things to happen as i have always been a dreamer and i don't think i can change that fact. 'I can't help feeling the way i do for you inside me' that's a line from a song of mine and i hope you don't hate me for feeling this way for you.

I guess i'm just beating around the bush. So let me be clear to you, if you ever need a fren or someone to talk to, i'm here for you. No hard feelings....

Without wax,
Shad.....

Bored

2005-05-09T20:29:00.000+08:00

Bored

Employee of the Month

These individual quotes were reportedly taken from actual employee performance evaluations in a large US Corporation.
(1) ''Since my last report, this employee has reached rock bottom.....and has started to dig.''
(2) ''His men would follow him anywhere, ....... but only out of morbid curiosity.'
(3) ''I would not allow this employee to breed.''
(4) ''This employee is really not so much of a 'has-been', but more of a definite 'won't be'.''
(5) ''Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap.''
(6) ''When she opens her mouth, it seems that it is only to change feet.''
(7) ''He would be out of his depth in a parking lot puddle.''
(8) ''This young lady has delusions of adequacy.''
(9) ''He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them.''
(10) ''This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.''
(11) ''This employee should go far, ..... and the sooner he starts, the better.''
(12) ''Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thing to hold it all together.''
(13) ''A gross ignoramus—144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus.''
(14) ''He certainly takes a long time to make his pointless.''
(15) ''He doesn't have ulcers, but he's a carrier.''
(16) ''I would like to go hunting with him sometime.''
(17) ''He's been working with glue too much.''
(18) ''He would argue with a signpost.''
(19) ''He has a knack for making strangers immediately detest him.''
(20) ''He brings a lot of joy whenever he leaves the room.''
(21) ''When his IQ reaches 50, he should sell.''
(22) ''If you see two people talking and one looks bored, ..... he's the other one.''
(23) ''A photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on.''
(24) ''A prime candidate for natural deselection.''
(25) ''Donated his brain to science before he was done using it.''
(26) ''Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming.''
(27) ''Has two brains: one is lost and the other is out looking for it.''
(28) ''If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week.''
(29) ''If you give him a penny for his thoughts, you'd get change.''
(30) ''If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the oceans.''
(31) ''It's hard to believe that he beat 1,000,000 other sperm to the egg.''
(32) ''One neuron short of a synapse.''
(33) ''Some drink from the fountain of knowledge;..... he only gargled.''
(34) ''Takes him 2 hours to watch 60 minutes.''
(35) ''The wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead.''

Tired.....

2005-05-08T21:52:00.000+08:00

Tired.....

I tink im gg to slp soon...juz feel so tired and sleepy....y? haha coz i did one of those stupid things which im popular for yesterday...haha...me n the tkck gang....hahaha....

Well, things didnt really started as well as i wanted to yesterday...in fact, i was kind of in a bad mood in the morning....ard 2+ i had to go to Astoria Park...apparently is a condo rite behind Kembangan MRT....had to send some stuff to my dad's ex-workmate to claim for some insurance stuff...feeling kinda thirsty, i headed for Cheers nearby to buy a drink but changed my mind...and as i was leaving, a guy suddenly smiled at me...a malay guy in his early 30s i think, and being polite, i returned the smile. Den he asked me in malay if i was staying in Astoria Park, so i said no n told him tat im actually staying in Chai Chee and was there juz to run an errand. And he practically tried to tell me his whole lyf story after tat saying tat he too used to stay in chai chee n blah blah blah....luckily he was heading a diiferent route form me hahaha....so i headed for my weekly jamming session straight...

We booked the place at 4 but because of the stars, hahaha, we onli reached the studio ard 4.20....actually, i reach the bus stop at 3.50 but had to wait for the 2 stars hahaha....niways since a band had oredy booked the room at 5, we compromised wif Mike(the owner) to jam 1/2 an hour in the small room, till 5 den wait for the other band to finish in the other room at abt 5.30....and altho it wasnt really nice to have an interval during jamming, we cldnt do anything abt it....wat can i say they were late hahaha....but the jam session went quite well tho there still alot of room for improvement....n i really do mean alot hahaha especially for me....i have really been out of form lately....i need to practise more....

Niways, we finished ard 7 and was quite undecided on where to go....so we took up Amalina's offer to slack at town while Fadhly went home to keep his guitar before meeting up wif me and Roma again for out TKCK outing....

So aniways, Amal said to meet at 9pm so me and Roma had time to kill....So we went walking ard town....i didn't really want to but it beats being bored....well some of u noe im not really a town kind of guy, im more of a heartlander, a neighbourhood man haha(roma gets irritated at this, duno y haha) but it wasnt really tat bad....but i had to admit, the 2 of us finally lose out the temptations of the smokes and we finally surrendered and bought a pack of ciggy...which i hope i wont have to buy again anytym soon....dun get me wrong, im really am trying to quit but wif all this complicated stuff gg on rite now, i juz needed to cool myself down....

Well anyways, we slacked outside Paragon for a few while smoking our worries away den headed for HMV....and what happened here was kinda funny...we were looking thru the CDs there wen we noticed tat there was this gal who kept on looking at Roma haha n so i kinda saboed him...i purposely said to him loudly in malay(she's a malay gal and was standing near us) "What else u waiting for? Go ask for number lah...juz keep on looking for wat go lah" haha it was fun watching Roma face go red and the gal ignoring us while her face too was rapidly turning red haha....after she walked away, we continued browsing and i saw Shikin....at first i wasnt sure but wen i finally juz tried out blurting her name out, i tink she was too far away coz she didnt hear me...n so we went out of the HMV and stood at the railing outside the entrance...and we juz tok for abit...

Den, we noticed that the same punkrawk malay gal was standing opposite us by the railing too haha....i was abt to whistle at her to sabo roma again when a guy came out of one of the shops and joined her...haha turns out she was attached...but i guess it didnt stop her from flirting coz she really was looking at roma wen her bf wasnt looking...and wen they walked away, we tested this theory...as she kinda walk slower den her bf, roma waved at her wen she took a look at roma again...and she smiled back hahaha....

Well, enuf abt her...we still had tym to kill so we headed for cineleisure well actually we slacked n smoked behind cineleisure...and while slacking 2 guys approached us to do a survey...and of all tyms, rosz kolled me from amal's hp while the guy was asking me qns...haha n due to the ciggy i was holding, i felt kinda in an awkward position...haha niways, after the 'interview' we headed for specialist coffee bean to meet amal n rosz...n while waiting for the traffic lite, fadhly called me and ask me 2 pass a msg 2 ahmad coz he cldnt get thru 2 him...and so i called him....and juz wen he picked up the fone, i heard sumone called me from behind, it was shikin haha so once again i was in an awkward position and it didnt help wen the traffic lite turned green for us to walk...haiz....

Niways, had fun slacking wif rosz and amal...but me n roma felt kinda guilty...coz since rosz was working there, we got free drinks, bagel n a cheesecake for free....hehe....i actually offered to pay for the cheesecake but they turned my NETS card away....haha...so at ard 11+ the four us headed for the bus stop...since me and roma were headed for Machritche reservoir we took the same bus as rosz n amal....n amal actually stopped at the same bus stop as me n roma to chg bus, so we accompanied her till her bus came...which wasnt long tho haha....

So anyways, the trip there was kind of uneventful despite several 'special appearance' n incidents...haha dun really feel lyk toking abt it here...so if any of u 1 2 noe the details, juz call me up personally ;)

When we got out of the pathway, we slacked at a kind of open door canteen...and wen we were starting to enjoy toking abt old skool wrestling, 2 gals suddenly approach us....they wanted 2 join us slacking....2 chinese gals...who are very fair....let me remind u tat it was 3.30am....haha...when they first approach us, all 4 of us were quite apprehensive if they were really humans hahaha....and the first qns they asked us didnt really help either....wat qns? they asked "do u all believe in pontianak?"

Hahaha...but turns out they were juz 2 bored rich gals haha....n we had sort of a funny conversation....haha...din expect to make frens there...hahaha....

So u see, i din sleep the whole of yesterday, in fact, i actually walked 6km wif roma, fadhly and ahmad...and our legs were damn hurting hhahaha....and i din get much sleep coz i had 2 bring my dad 2 my granny's hse...my family was kinda having a mother's day celebration....

so i wld lyk to end this long entry and take this oppurtunity to wish all mothers and future mothers a very Happy Mothers Day....and to my mum, thanks for ur years of care...i really appreciate ur love....thx....

WOIT....

2005-05-08T14:55:00.000+08:00

WOIT

Woit....u both tink my blog WWE is it....all the drama in my tagboard....i duno wat happen between u 2....i duno who wrong n i dun 1 2 noe either.....

Wateva it is, get over it lah...both of u.....if not, take ur arguements and insults else where....n pls get on wif life lah....

1 2 be angry at me???? wateva...........................................

What a day.....

2005-05-07T13:44:00.000+08:00

What a day.....

What a day it was yesterday....firstly after my friday prayers, had to bring my dad for his weekly doctor appointment. There, while waiting for the nurse to call up my dad, i met Reza's dad...haha quite shocked...i guess didn't expect to see him there....i was unsure why he was there, seems lyk he had an appointment too but o cldnt see anything wrong wif him....niways, after being sent to the rehab room, i sat down n took a reader digest mag to read while waiting for my dad to finish up his excercise....den i heard sumone calling my name, it was G...Ghani...haha he was having excercise for his hand too...n all along i tot his rehab days was over...

After abt 2 hrs, my dad finally finished his excercise and i brought him out to pay for the session...and i got another surprise, Reza was there...wif his mum n 2 sis...haha long tym no see....and after a few minits of conversation, i found out that his dad hurt his back and had 2 go for physiotherapy check up....and coincidently, he(reza) had a check up on the same day for his bad sore throat there...so it kinda became a family outing for them haha...and all the while i was toking to him, his 1 yr old baby sis keep on shouting n shouting as if asking for attention hahaha she so damn cute....and when i tease her she will start laffing hehe...its not everyday i meet a baby who is not scared of me hehehe...somehow, she always want me to carry her wen she sees me haha tho i seldom do get 2 see her...haha n she is notty 2...cant keep still...and for a 1 yr old, she have strong legs...hahaha

Niways, cldnt tok much wif reza n fam coz i had 2 be on my way 2 sgh den...for those who do not noe oredy, my grandma was warded again last thurs...due 2 some heart problems....so i brought my dad there via mrt....n gg up the slope from outram mrt 2 sgh wasnt an easy task....since i had 2 push my dad's wheelchair up...tiring man...

Niways, there i meet up wif the rest of my fam....wif everyone so bz nowdays, its juz so hard to meet them together...and as usuall, we had a lot of laffs...i guess im fortunate to have so many granduncles, uncles and aunts who r jokers haha....n some of their jokes are damn classic man hahaha....niways...a few of us had dinner at the foodcourt there...and being the only guy there(i was forced to follow my aunts n gals cuzins) i had to go over the drink stall several tyms to buy for them drinks....and on the final trip, the woman actually gave me 3 free drinks haha i really duno for wat reason hahaha.....i was sent 2 buy a bottle of mineral water and came back wif 3 extra free drinks....sheesh and my aunts all started teasing me saying tat i flirt wif the woman...sheesh.....and my aunt, the doctor, sent me 2 buy ice jelly cocktail for her wen everyone cld see tat the stall vendors was cleaning up....she asked me 2 juz go and try coz she thinks i cld get it....i tried 2 point out tat they were close...sheesh but she insisted...and so i went....and guess wat...even tho they were close, they actually made one haha.....and they give extra helpings man...i mean, the bowl was damn full....the ice was practically dripping out....sheesh....and i had 2 endure the teasing again....

For goodness sakes, im no flirt k...haiz....niways after a long tiring day, i finally reached home...and while opening my 'handcuffs', one of them, the one wif the skeletons(my fav btw) broke down...sheesh...as in the part which looks the thing in place juz came off....haiz....i remebered the 1st few weeks i wore that...haha my french teacher, Didier Lame, said i was trying 2 change my image....haha he said i was gg for the 'bad boy' image hehehe 'diabolique' according to him...haha well i wasnt gg for any type of image, i juz lyk the bloody thing...but its proof...proof that im actually a nice guy....i mean onli a kuai person can chg 2 become a 'bad boy' rite ahahahhaha so now u all have proof that i am actually innocent...hehehe

How to be Annoying in the computer lab

2005-05-05T15:28:00.000+08:00

How to be Annoying in the computer lab

Seeing that a number of my frens are doing their FYPJ or attachement, i decided to do some research of stuff they can do to entertain themselves so they won't get bored. Pls, do try the following aight ;) *Note:i added number 51-55 for good measure hehe

How to be Annoying in the Computer Lab

1)Log on, wait a sec, then get a frightened look on your face and scream, "Oh my God! They've found me!" and bolt.

2)Laugh uncontrollably for about 3 minutes and then suddenly stop and look suspiciously at everyone who looks at you.

3)When your computer is turned off, complain to the monitor on duty that you can't get the darned thing to work. After he/she's turned it on, wait 5 minutes, turn it off again, and repeat the process for a good half hour.

4)Type frantically, often stopping to look at the person next to you evilly.

5)Before anyone else is in the lab, connect each computer to a different screen than the one it's set up with.

6)Write a program that plays the "Pokemon" theme song and play it at the highest volume possible over and over again.

7)Work normally for a while. Suddenly look amazingly startled by something on the screen and crawl underneath the desk.

8)Ask the person next to you if they know how to tap into top-secret Pentagon files.

9)Use AIM to make passes at people you don't know.

10)Make a small ritual sacrifice to the computer before you turn it on.

11)Bring a chainsaw, but don't use it. If anyone asks why you have it, say, "Just in case..." mysteriously.

12)Type on VAX for awhile. Suddenly start cursing for 3 minutes about everything bad about your life. Then stop and continue typing.

13)Enter the lab, undress, and start staring at other people as if they're crazy while typing.

14)Light candles in a pentagram around your terminal before starting.

15)Ask around for a spare zip disk. Offer $1. Keep asking until someone agrees.
Then, pull a disk out of your fly and say, "Oops. Forgot."

16)Every time you press return and there is processing time required, pray, "Ohpleaseohpleaseohpleaseohpleaseohplease," and scream "YES!" when it finishes.

17)"Disk fight!"

18)Start making out with the person at the terminal next to you, whether you know them or not.

19)Put a straw in your mouth and put your hands in your pockets. Type by hitting the keys with the straw.

20)If you're sitting in a swivel chair, spin around singing "The Thong Song" whenever there is processing time required.

21)Draw a picture of a woman (or man) on a piece of paper and tape it to your monitor. Try to seduce it. Act like it hates you and then complain loudly that women (men) are worthless.

22)Try to stick a Nintendo cartridge in the disk drive. When it doesn't work, get the supervisor.

23)When you start up a PC, ask loudly where the smiling Apple face is.

24)Print out the complete works of Shakespeare, then when it's all done (two days later) say that all you wanted was a line or two.

25)Sit and stare at the screen, chomping on your nails. After doing this for a while, spit them out at the feet of the person next to you.

26)Stare at the screen, grind your teeth, stop, look at the person next to you. Repeat procedure, making sure you never provoke the person enough to let them blow up, as this releases tension, and it is far more effective to let them linger.

27)If you have long hair, take a typing break, look for split ends, cut them, and deposit them on your neighbor's keyboard as you leave.

28)Put a large, gold-framed portrait of the British royal family on your desk and loudly proclaim that it inspires you.

29)Come to the lab wearing several layers of socks. Remove shoes and place them on top of the monitor. Remove socks layer by layer and drape them around the monitor.
Exclaim sudden haiku about the aesthetic beauty of cotton on plastic.

30)Take the keyboard and sit under the computer. Type up your paper like this. Then go to the lab supervisor and complain about the bad working conditions.

31)Laugh hysterically, shout "You will all perish in a great flood" and continue working.

32)Bring some dry ice and make it look like the computer is smoking.

33)Assign a musical note to every key (ex. the delete key is A flat). Whenever you hit a key, hum its note loudly. Write an entire paper this way.

34)Attempt to eat your computer mouse.

35)Borrow someone else's keyboard by reaching over, saying "Excuse me, mind if I borrow this for a sec?" unplugging the keyboard, and taking it.

36)Bring in a bunch of magnets and have a ball.

37)When doing calculations, pull out an abacus and say that sometimes the old ways are best.

38)Play Pong for hours on the most powerful computer in the lab.

39)Make a loud noise of hitting the same key over and over again until you see that your neighbor is noticing. Then look at your neighbor's keyboard. Hit his/her delete key several times, erasing an entire word. While you do this, ask: "Does your delete key work?" Shake your head, and resume hitting the space bar on your keyboard. Keep doing this until you've deleted about a page of your neighbor's document. Then, suddenly exclaim: "Well, whaddya know? I've been hitting the space bar this whole time. No wonder it wasn't deleting! Ha!" Print out your document and leave.

40)Remove your disk from the drive and hide it. Go to the lab monitor and complain that your computer ate your disk. (For special effects, put some glue on or around the disk drive. Claim that the computer is drooling.)

41)Stare at your neighbor's screen, look really puzzled, burst out laughing and say "You did that?" loudly. Keep laughing, grab your stuff and leave, howling as you go.

42)Point at the screen. Chant in a made-up language while making elaborate hand gestures for a minute or two. Press return or the mouse, then leap back and yell, "COVEEEEERRRRR!" Peek up from under the table, walk back to the computer and say "Oh, good. It worked this time," and calmly start to type again.

43)Keep looking at invisible bugs and trying to swat them.

44)See who's online. Send a total stranger a talk request. Talk to them like you've known them all your lives. Hang up before they get a chance to figure out you're a total stranger.

45)Bring a small tape player with a tape of really absurd sound effects. Pretend it's the computer and look really lost.

46)Pull out a pencil. Start writing on the screen. Complain that the lead doesn't work.

47)Come into the computer lab wearing several extra-stinky species of flowers in your hair. Smile incessantly. Type a sentence, then laugh happily exclaim, "You're such a marvel!" and kiss the screen. Repeat this after every sentence. As your ecstasy mounts, also hug the keyboard. Finally, hug your neighbor, the computer assistant, and then walk out.

48)Run into the computer lab, shout, "The Apocalypse is here!" then calmly sit down and begin to type.

49)Quietly walk into the computer lab with a Black and Decker chainsaw, rev 'er up, and then walk up to the nearest person and say, "Give me that computer or you'll be feeding my pet crocodile for the next week."

50)Two words: Tesla Coil.

51)Pretend you misheard what your neighbour said and ask back "Spoon?"

52)Evertime your neighbour type something, ask if he/she figured out how to do the program.

53)Ask your neighbour if he/she has finished a book everytime he/she opens the book.

54)Keep asking your neighbour if he/she is scared of his/her classmate.

55)Do the banana dance.

Have fun doing all these things ;) hahahaha

Are these really the truth??? hahahaha.....

2005-05-03T18:03:00.000+08:00

Are these really the truth??? hahahaha.....

Wonder which of these top is true hehehe....i wonder....

Female Rejection Lines

10. I think of you as a brother. Translation: You remind me of that inbred banjo-playing geek in 'Deliverance.'
9. There's a slight difference in our ages. Translation: I don't want to do my dad.

8. I'm not attracted to you in 'that' way. Translation: You are the ugliest dork I've ever laid eyes on.

7. My life is too complicated right now. Translation: I don't want you spending the whole night or else you may hear phone calls from all the other guys I'm seeing.

6. I've got a boyfriend. Translation: I prefer my male cat and a half gallon of Ben and Jerry's.

5. I don't date men where I work. Translation: I wouldn't date you if you were in the same solar system, much less the same building.

4. It's not you, it's me. Translation: It's you.

3. I'm concentrating on my career. Translation: Even something as boring and unfulfilling as my job is better than dating you.

2. I'm celibate. Translation: I've sworn off only the men like you.

1. Let's be friends. Translation: I want you to stay around so I can tell you in excruciating detail about all the other men I meet and have sex with. It's the male perspective thing.

Top 10 Male Rejection Lines (Translated!)

10. I think of you as a sister. Translation: You're ugly.

9. There's a slight difference in our ages. Translation: You're ugly.

8. I'm not attracted to you in 'that' way. Translation: You're ugly.

7. My life is too complicated right now. Translation: You're ugly.

6. I've got a girlfriend. Translation: You're ugly.

5. I don't date women where I work. Translation: You're ugly.

4. It's not you, it's me. Translation: You're ugly.

3. I'm concentrating on my career. Translation: You're ugly.

2. I'm celibate. Translation: You're ugly.

1. Let's be friends. Translation: You're sinfully ugly.

The Rules (by Her)

2005-05-02T23:52:00.000+08:00

The Rules (by Her)

Found this somewhere...wonder if its true hehe

1. The Female always makes THE RULES.
2. THE RULES are subject to change without notice.
3. No Male can possible know all THE RULES.
4. If the Female suspects the Male knows all THE RULES, she must immediately change some of THE RULES.
5. The Female is never wrong.
6. If it appears the Female is wrong, it is because of a flagrant misunderstanding caused by something the Male did or said wrong.
7. If Rule #6 applies, the Male must apologize immediately for causing the misunderstanding.
8. The Female can change her mind at any time.
9. The Male must never change his mind without the express, written consent of The Female.
10. The Female has every right to be angry or upset at any time.
11. The Male must remain calm at all times, unless the Female wants him to be angry or upset.
12. The Female must, under no circumstances, let the Male know whether she wants him to be angry or upset.
13. The Male is expected to read the mind of the Female at all times.
14. At all times, what is important is what the Female meant, not what she said.
15. If the Male doesn't abide by THE RULES, it is because he can't take the heat, lacks backbone, and is a wimp.
16. If the Female has PMS, all THE RULES are null and void and the Male must cater to her every whim.
17. Any attempt to document THE RULES could result in bodily harm.
18. If the Male, at any time, believes he is right, he must refer to Rule #5.

Exhausted but feeling invincible....

2005-05-01T22:17:00.000+08:00

Exhausted but feeling invincible....

A day out wif the guys really can make wonders....y? Coz Left Turn On Red juz died...haha but yet im feeling invincible...haha had alot of laffs juz now...no we were not slacking....me roma n fadhly was helping my cuzin's family move into a new rented hse....feel happy for dem....

Niways, after a tiring few hours, we finally had our first meal of the day at ard 6-7pm...haha yah we worked on an empty stomach...and after a packet of nasi lemak each, we slacked under their block...me fadhly n roma....we had a long tok...

Niways, New line up, New Name haha....but we undecided on the name, so in the future look out for Beautiful Lies, Homefree, Genetic Problem, Letter M(inside family joke hahaha), Last Office, Chicken Drumsticks hahahaha....aniwyas as u can see, we not really good at thinking of names....so if anyone who is reading can give us gd suggestion, pls do hahaha

i wish, i wish, i wish....

2005-04-30T23:32:00.000+08:00

i wish, i wish, i wish....

Haiz, juz got home...im so damned pissed and exhausted....haiz...y? haiz let me go thru my day lah....

Firstly, went for jamming session, we were trying out a new drummer...niways, it went great but the problem is that i was totally out of form....my bass playing was really out of sotz...n tat really started to make me down....

Den i was forced to accompany my parents to Plaza Singapura...had to take the MRT from yck...din noe if the lift there was ready for use coz i dun usually take the mrt...so i asked Azie and she tot i want to take wheelchair to sch...sheesh haiz....

Niways, this is the frustrating part...sometyms i juz wish tat my dad wldnt be so fussy...he's wheelchair bound and yet he doesnt noe how to keep still...keep wanting to go out...and if he does, he cant go out alone, so ppl have to accompany him....and let me tell u, pushing a wheelchair ard crowded areas is not an easy task, especially if ppl ard are so damn inconsiderate....all along, i tot ppl shd give way to wheelchairs...but i was wrong. seems lyk wheelchair have to give way to ppl...

And wat really frustrates me is tat my dad is so fussy...so troublesome. Keep on wanting to go to places where space is not a luxury, and wif a wheelchair ard, space is really a need....

Haiz im so frustrated i dun even noe how to explain wat happened...but thinking abt lyf, i have to say...i wish, i wish, i wish....haiz...i juz wish tat lyf can be easier on me...i try n try to block these things away, try to avoid dem or at least get tym away from them...but i cant...i crack jokes to lighten my mood up...but its gettin worst...haiz...i juz wish.....

I wish i cld tell u how i feel....
I wish i cld be stronger....
I wish i cld tok to u more....
I wish i cld spent more tym wif u....
I wish i was a better person....
I wish i i cld have more inspiration to write better songs....
I wish i wish i wish....
I wish i was brave enuf to work for what i wish for and not hide lyk a coward....

Im juz a hopeless fool trying to make her happy and wishing she feel the same way...but i better stop dreaming or dissapointment and sadness will be here for good.....

Old Skool...

2005-04-28T21:42:00.000+08:00

Old Skool...

Juz wen i mentioned i miss the old gang, suddenly they pop up haha...it all started wen my mum asked me to find at least 2 ppl to help wif my cuzins' moving house...n since they whr shifting to Ang Mo Kio, i decided to try asking Roma...and so i called him last tues and somehow the conversation lasted longer den i expected...we basically did some catching up and i found out tat he too has not been in contact wif the gang recently...somehow the conversation found its way into music and on the spur of the moment, we decided to meet up the next day juz to slack and play guitar.

Since he wanted to buy some clothes at penisular, we decided on slacking at esplanade. i was worried there wld be so many ppl doin CPR there haha but wat da heck rite...haha anyways, i called ahmad on wednesday to ask if he wanted to tag along but he cldnt make it...but the funny thing was that rite after i put down wif him, the fone rang...sumhow i knew it was for me...and true enuf, it was Farhan...haha the last i heard of him was a few weeks after our gig at tapestry...and so i asked if he wanted to join us too...he did...

Niways farhan only meet us later...meanwhile me and roma played guitar up at the roof top but unlike the other day wif my classmates, there was no wind at all, its was so humid...and after abt an hour plus, i got an sms from amalina asking us to come to coffee bean at somerset, and after calling Farhan up, we decided to go there since rosz and minah was working...so sumhow it became somewhat lyk a reunion for us...haha it was fun lah...tho i must say there was some awkwardness for me...but tat definitely did not stop us pulling the old jokes...haha and so we slacked at the coffe bean till ard 12.20am....haha yah...tat late...i wanted to leave earlier but wat the heck, i noe i wont get to meet them often....

Niways, today, my mum wanted me to meet up wif my cuzins Fitri, and Farhan to show them whr their new house is. I was suppose to meet them at 5.30 at YCK MRT but knowing them, i purposely came late...i reach there at ard 5.50 and true enuff there were not there...and so i waited...and i kinda had fun hahaha meet up wif my frens who having FYPJ now...haha 1st up was Wen Chun haha pity that bugger he kena do the project alone hahaha den benjamin came along....den li ching, lionel, azie, gomathi...den later fadli(not my cuzin) haha all wearing PE attire hahaha...n lionel really desrve that fuck u i gave him hahaha saw me den look away hahaha n fadli deserve one too...he ask if my cuzin whom i was waiting for was a guy or gal coz he tot if gal den cld share...wtf...share...so fuck u too!!! hahahaha....haiz...im damn bored....

kizas, kizas, kizas....

2005-04-26T16:14:00.000+08:00

kizas, kizas, kizas....

Im starting to like this phrase, kizas, kizas, kizas....i guess in some way its true abt lyf...perhaps, perhaps, perhaps....for reasons beyond my knowledge, suddenly i was very happy last nite....duno y....maryam said its better 2 be happy for no reason den to be sad for no reason rite...well the thing is, i've got so many reason to be sad abt...yet im happy for no reason....

So y am i so happy???? let me try to figure it out....

Kizas its coz my fren my fren blurted out gonedoo n goondog instead of goondu ;)

Kizas its coz my fren got astro boy for a partner hahaha

Kizas its coz my fren get to see the color he wants to see at his work place

Kizas its coz my fren interested in my other fren from the pic i have in my hp haha

Kizas its coz i still feel comfortable toking to my long lost fren

Kizas its coz Miss guangyang 2001 thinks i got killer instinct hahaha

Kizas its coz my fren trying to deny she is mushy ;)

Kizas its coz my fren is juz out dated

Kizas its coz Yamaha sell chicken LOLX

Kizas its coz she's happy(even tho i noe im not the one who made her happy)

Kizas its coz i miss the gang....

Kizas its coz ppl may lyk my songs

Kizas its coz my fren can actually believe i was in a shotgun marriage sheesh

Kizas its coz my old work mates want me working back there again....

Kizas its coz my old work mates 'begged' me not to quit coz they think it'll be boring if i do

Kizas its coz some of my old work mates did actually quit after i did....issit really boring????

Kizas its coz i miss those late nite fone calls....

Kizas its coz i miss performing

Kizas its coz my dad lost his job

Kizas it coz i think of her most of the tym...

Kizas its coz i got a few screws lose in my head

Kizas its coz Blink 182 went hiatus indefinitely

Kizas its coz the video in my blog is damn lag

Kizas its coz i really want her to notice when im not ard

Kizas its coz i think too much

Kizas its coz i have 2 guitars

Kizas its coz i collect guitar plectrums

Kizas its coz i have a blog

Kizas its coz Alverico is still alive

Kizas its coz everyone forgotten abt Raphael

Kizas its coz im writing music again

Kizas its coz i cant envisage myself graduating from poly

Kizas its coz i duno how im gg to get thru lyf

Kizas its coz im still unsure of how things is gg 2 be after poly

Kizas its coz the world is so different now

Kizas its coz i really want to feel the way she makes me feel wen im with her

Kizas its coz with each day passing, it means the next episode of joey is comin haha

Kizas its coz i will always be rememberes for the wrong reasons

Kizas its coz its because, because, because its spelled B-E-C-A-U-S-E

Kizas its coz im bored

Kizas its coz i noe i have lost my chance(tat is if i ever had one)

I give up....why am i so happy....??? i duno....guess mebi im juz crazy....

Blurred vision sux

2005-04-25T19:15:00.000+08:00

Blurred vision sux

My mum had an appointment wif an eye care specialist today....she was gg to have some laser stuff done on her eyes...For those who duno, my family on my mum side is affected by some genetic problems which affect our eye sights...tats explain the thickness in my degree haha i started wearing specs at 2...anyways, the doctor wanted to test on me for sometym now but because of exams, i finally showed up today, i had to accopmany my mum anyway. In order to have the test done, the doctor had the nurse to put some chemical in my eyes to dilate my eyes...at first it was ok...den after awhile, blurness stepped in...n according to my mum it will last for abt 4 hours...

It sucked man, walking ard wif blurred vision....i cant even read smses properly...i guess now i noe how my mum look at this world, or rather imagine how she see...niways, my dad had his rehab today to...so later me n my mum joined my dad n my aunt who accompanied him....it was den i took over the wheelchair pushing duties...n i really hate tat at hospitals...why??? cause i always get stared at...sheesh i wonder why...my mum opinion is tat ppl think im showing off....issit so wrong to help my mum out???? sheesh...the crutches we had to bring along were giving her probs so i helped her carry it too while pushing my dad...i had my other hand free anyways...n i wonder why my mum complains its hard to push the wheelchair...i really dun see any problem....

Niways, i learned smth interesting last nite hahaha found out that Bia's gonna get a cert for walking ard lyk a chicken hahaha its true, its true. Juz ask her lah hahaha sheesh i really din noe tat walking ard lyk a chicken is a part of yoga...n get this, there is smth called the fish pose too ahahaha....its a pose, according to Bia, where your neck gets to look back hahaha really ur neck gets to look back....i din noe it can look in the 1st place haha....

Btw, any of u rmb abt bia wondering since when yamaha started selling chicken??? Well, acording to her, its not funny...she say she find it weird tat me n fadhly laff at it...according to her, azie din laff at it when she heard it....so the qns is, Azie, did u or did u not laff when u heard abt it???? hahaha i guess bia never learn...she dared fadhly abt this, as in ask 10 ppl if its funny...now she 1 2 dare me???? hahaha i have proven so many tyms that i usually gamble when im sure i can win haha ask fadhly, azie, jy, maryam n the list juz keep on gg....so this isnt any different...i will definitely have no problem finding 10 ppl...in fact as it is, fadhly n maryam oredy laffing....n im sure azie did too even if Bia denies it, n i forgot a few others. So now im gg to start asking ard those who noes her...so its gona be amalina, roma, farhan, ahmad and i'll think for a few others haha...

So amal, if u reading this, laff k hahaha....haiz....gtg now...

Will you remember me, coz i know i won't forget you....

strange....

2005-04-23T18:40:00.000+08:00

strange....

Weird things are happening in my lyf....i think hahaha

Before i explain, i juz wanted to say smth in case i forget later. Rmb a few days ago wen i blog and wish amalina happy birthday, well i forget to mention smth...and this is by the way against her will...n im telling coz she wont cut a deal wif me....niways for your info, she was MISS GUANGYANG 2001!!!! hahaha

Niways wats so wierd...well i duno lah....juz tot when i start mixing ard wif jy and gang, i wld stop slacking ard and start studying...but...last thurs, i found myself slacking at a coffee shop wif jy n azie...haha the only diff was that this tym ard, i din smoke haha...i guess u can take slacking away from the guy but u cant take guy away from the slacking haha....

N on the way home...in the bus, i was day dreaming or rather nite dreaming wen i suddenly saw an army tank beside me...sheesh...haha wat the hell was an army tank doin in the middle of the road man haha wonder if it flattened anyone....

Haiz...i so pokai now...need 2 get a job...was planning to make a bbq for my class n a few of my frens...unless i get a job, i guess i can forget abt tat....my allowance is gettin a big cut u see....

i guess tats it for now...i duno wat else to say...

Nufan

2005-04-22T12:00:00.000+08:00

all i want to do is make sure you stop chasing rainbows trusting those around you is an easy thing to do i'm not saying don't believe in someone that you don't know just don't go on thinking that the whole world tells the truth -Chasin Rainbows, NUFAN

Because, because, because....

2005-04-21T21:41:00.000+08:00

Because, because, because....

Ppl say that when someone is murdered or had a unfortunate death some place the spirit will haunt the place...so what is it with cinemas? Some how i can see someone being murdered there...hmm i guess stories that spirits like to haunt places where ppl tend to do 'dirty' or 'cpr' (as JY and zomb wld say) is true....i went to watch "Infection" at yishun wif a few of my classmate today...Me, JY, Azie and Sam...

I wasnt sure if it was a ghost story or a story abt diseases at first...but despite the title, i had a feeling tat it was a ghost story...and the white figure standing between the rows of seats din help either...but the movie turns out to be kind of a dissapointment....it was neither a ghost story or a story abt a sickness as the title suggests...rather, its abt a doctor who is so stressed up and havin a guilty conciense attack and so went on a killing spree....but this was only revealed at the end of the show...and even then, it wasnt revealed tat clearly...thru out the whole show, it looked lyk a ghost story...onli at the end did it explain briefly...too briefly....niways...im juz glad tat the white figure minded its own business...

Niways the outing was quite fun too...especially since i cld keep jy in suspense haha "Its because, because, because it's spelled B-E-C-A-U-S-E" hahaha dun understand??? Go ask JY abt it...he can explain...if he hvnt forgot tat is... hahaha

So today is April 21st....Juz 1 2 take this moment to wish a great fren HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! Erm...What's ur name again....Nur? erm...shit i forgot.....Nur is it? ermm haha Nuramalina hahaha....Mal, u always proven to be a gd fren since i known u....and now u'r 20...so old hahaha Welcome to adulthood...enjoy...haha rmb wat i said k, if u need any help, dun hesitate to approach me...after all u done for me, i sure dun mind helping u :)

Also, i wld like to wish Nes and advance happy birthday too....tho i may not noe u well and the fact that u r so far away in Turkey doesnt help...i appreciate tat u remembered some stuff abt me...n so Happy birthday, i noe it falls on 22nd April...Enjoy k...

Maybe you're from a different planet, one i want to invade-Always Carrie, NUFAN

What a bunch of liars....

2005-04-20T14:37:00.000+08:00

What a bunch of liars....

What a way to start a day....woke up to find my turtle dead...haiz...juz wen i started enjoying watching the fish tank again...

Den smth worst happen....my dad got a call....he juz got fired from his job...

After 10 long years of service....this is his reward....FUCK!!!!!

What a bunch of liars....

They said his job was safe.....

I got nothing more to say......

Creep...

2005-04-19T19:49:00.000+08:00

Creep...

Cant describe juz how much i lyk this song man...juz wish this video wld stop being so laggy and play the song smoothly so that i can enjoy it wen im online...

Creep by Radiohead
When you were here before
Couldn't look you in the eye
You're just like an angel
Your skin makes me cry
You float like a feather
In a beautiful world
I wish I was special
You're so f**king special

But I'm a creep
I'm a weirdo
What the hell am I doing here?
I don't belong here

I don't care if it hurts
I want to have control
I want a perfect body
I want a perfect soul
I want you to notice when I'm not around
You're so f**king special
I wish I was special

But I'm a creep
I'm a weirdo
What the hell I'm doing here?
I don't belong here

She's running out again
She's running out
She runs runs runs

Whatever makes you happy
Whatever you want
You're so f**king special
I wish I was special

But I'm a creep
I'm a weirdo
What the hell am I doing here?
I don't belong here
I don't belong here

Fantastics quotes

2005-04-17T21:41:00.000+08:00

Fantastics quotes

As promised, im gonna blog abt "fantastic quotes" by my frens n family hahaha

"I wish the whole world can hibernate together and give the earth rest" -by the wise JY haha i wish things were that simple....

"Yamaha got sell chicken meh?" -by rabia when her fren wanted to buy drum sticks....

"I mastered the art oredy" -by JY, u juz have to be there to enjoy this sentence hehe

"Ko nye org pendiam eh" -by fizah, the translation of this is -u r a quiet person

"Jgn marah eh, aku nye org memang suke kaco org" -by ayu, translation -Sori, im the type of person who likes to disturb ppl....haha she later regret saying tat to me after ard 10 mins...hahaha

"Yazid, aku nak tgk adik ko yg paling kecik" -by dila, translation -Yazid, can i see ur smallest brother...haha this had us laffing like hell and for those who understand it, im sure u'll be laffing too...

"Wah koaz, u superman" -by JY, this was part of the 1st conversation i had wif him...wen is he gg 2 understand tat being able to go a 2 days without sleep doesnt make u a superman coz he still says tat haha

"Shad has that 'kuai' look abt him..." -by James, for those who duno, kuai somewhat means innocent or gd....hahaha

"Eh u teach him how to make his one strong leh" -by Geannie, she said this to me while pointing at lionel's dick hahaha

"NAMPAK CHILLI!" -by azie, translation -SEE CHILLI! she said this when she was irritated by hafiz haha apparently this is how she threaten ppl haha

"She my nanny wat, juz no milk" -by sam aka mint, she said this in the god damned library man haha ppl all turned...she was refering to azie btw, so u guys think wat u want ah...haha

"Im shy" -by Rabia, 1 2 noe the punchline? juz get to noe her, enuf said hahaha

"Im so shy" -by Azie, get 2 noe her too, enuf said haha

"Mr softee really soft ah" -by Rabia, can u ppl believe she only got to noe abt softee wen she entered JC? sheesh....

"Wah a day without Albert damn sian" -by JY, i started being careful after i heard this hahaha

"Sisters should stick together" -by Ahmad, he was toking to samantha abt he n his sis wen he his tounge slipped hahaha

"Aku nak dgr suare die!" -i duno who said this but i overheard it when my fren called me....it was a fren of hers....translation -I want to hear his voice!

"Aku dulu!" -again i duno who said this, i heard it after the one above but it really made me feel like my voice was an exhibition in a zoo or smth...translation -Me too!

"Die pandai bobal ngan pompan" -by fadhly's godsis, translation -he's good at talking with gals....wat's so fantastic and amazing abt this is tat i din tok to her much, she was doing all the toking hahaha all i did was mostly, yes, no, yah, hmmm, ok, uhuh....

"You can be a radio deejay" -by kamal, wen i make prank calls, i never once expected any sort of compliments hahaha

"What is Kamasutra?" -by JY, i admire the innocence in this guy...find it hard to believe he's my age sometyms....

"FISHBALL!" -by Farhan, my younger cuzin. he said this wen he was 5. Wats so funny? He was pointing at a picture of a whale haha...cute...

"Yahudi mabok!" -by Mizi, translation -Crazy jew! haha he was describing hafiz's technique of playing punk rock on the guitar hahaha

"Eh he's trying to put it in!" -by my cuzin nain, he was watching a R(A) movie, Basic Instinct, for the 1st tym hahahaha

"Asal tgk cerite cium-cium ni!" -by my 3 yr old nephew Danial, translation -Why are you watching kissing shows! haha he was actually scolding his aunty who happened 2 be watching Days of our lives, a soap opera...haha he is really damn cute hahaha

Well thats all i can remember now...actually there are some more that is juz too long to put up here...i will blog sum more if i do remember more hahaha

smokers vs drinkers

2005-04-16T12:22:00.000+08:00

smokers vs drinkers

Yesterday i visited fadhl's father at the hosp. Its good that he seem alrite. The doc said it isnt seriuz so he will be discharged soon. Niways, a funny, frenly debate started between him n my sis abt smokers which my uncle somehow twist it into a smokers vs drinkers debate so as to disguise the harm of smoking. After much debate, he said "Imagine u walking down the street in the middle of the nite and u see a smoker on one side an a drunken on the other, whr wld u feel safer??"

haha smart eh....haha i guess being a smoker isnt tat bad...i really feel lyk smoking again, but i wont. For now that is...niways, i hae been hearing many funny quotes lately, mebi 1 day i will blog dem haha quotes from my frens... for now juz dld the song below n enjoy it.

When I'm With You by Simple Plan

I’m taking my time
I'm trying to leave the memories of you behind
I'm gonna be fine
As soon as I get your picture right out of my mind

I wanna feel the way you make me feel
When I'm with you
I wanna be the only hand
You need to hold on to
But every time I call you don't have time
I guess I'll never get to call you mine

You’re nothing at all
I know there’s a million reasons why I shouldn't call
When nothing to say
Could easily make this conversation last all day

I wanna feel the way you make me feel
When I'm with you
I wanna be the only hand
You need to hold on to
But every time I call you don't have time
I guess I'll never get to call you mine

Another lesson
I didn't get to learn
You’re my obsession
I've got nowhere to turn

I wanna feel the way you make me feel
When I'm with you
I wanna be the only hand
You need to hold on to

I wanna feel the way you make me feel
When I'm with you
I wanna be the hand
You need to hold on

I wanna feel the way you make me feel
When I'm with you
I wanna be the only hand
You need to hold on to
But I guess I'll never get to call you mine

Speed Demon?

2005-04-14T22:10:00.000+08:00

Speed Demon?

I had to bring my dad to interchg today, didnt really feel lyk it but din have anything to do at home anyways, so i juz followed...met my mum at the intchg as she was from yishun...niways, the whole tym i was there, i kept on getting the same old complaint from them....and that is im pushing the wheelchair to fast hahaha...i guess the reason is coz im very use to handling wheelchairs...i was once even force to use a wheelchair by the nurse after my operation even tho i cld walk...

Niways, if i ever get ard to taking my license be it motor or car, i dun think my parents wld ever ride wif me hahaha coz the think im a speed demon...sheesh...their proof is me pushing wheelchairs n riding my bicycle...haha as if they can judge by tat...im no speed demon....

Hmmm...and today is the first tym i got angry wif a cat...while i was pushing the wheel chair, a cat jumped directly in front of the right wheel of the wheelchair...luckily i cld stop in tym...it was inches away from being flattened by the wheelchair...i was so angry man....i cld have kill it...sheesh....even tho i do have frens who may have "murdered" a kitten once, im not a cat killer ;)(to that fren of mine, dun angry ah, joking onli hahaha) and to make the day worst, i saw hamimah's twin. eeeeeeeyuckssss....damn...i really tot it was hamimah haha the resemblence os damn eerie....scary....

Life n Death...

2005-04-13T20:21:00.000+08:00

Life n Death...

Juz got home from "my" house in pasir ris. Been a long time since i last when there...found out that the guards have changed. The nite shift guard is now a frendly old pakcik...no more tat seriuz indian guy haha...niways, did some cleaning up there haha n yah we starved there haha no food there ah haha...

Niways, we went home at ard 4...and while at downtown east, it started raining heavily so we were stuck there for like 2-3 hours...n so we walk towards the intercgh to take our respectives bus home. For those who are familliar wif the area, u'll noe tat there is a big drain very near downtown east...one of those big longkangs that will be filled up wenever heavy rain occur. Well as we pass it, it was lyk damn filled up wif water. N we cld see that the current was very strong. A tot suddenly came to my mind and without hesitation i asked fadhly and ahmad a qns. U see, all 3 of us are cat lovers and so i asked dem, "if u saw a small innocent kitten drowning in there, wat wld u do?" N both of them answered tat they cld not do anything as they both cant swim...

N i duno if it was juz a coincidence or smth, but juz after they answered we all stopped in our tracks coz we saw smth struggling in the water...at 1st, we tot it was a baby seal...coz it really looked lyk one...but after a few seconds, we realised tat it was a small monitor lizard trying to swim across the drain. And although it was struggling, it looked lyk it cld make it...tats wat we tot...we were standing there kinda supporting it, hoping it wld make it...den it did...it claws or wateva u 1 2 call dem touched the side sloping surface of the drain...but....i guess it was slippery...it just went under...n tat was the last we saw of it....all the hard work down the drain...literally....

Wen i reached home, i went online, and a few minits later fadhly came online too....n he msged me. He said he father was on the way to the hosp due to hernia n he was unsure if his dad was gg to be warded...as far as i noe, hernia is dangerous for adults...hope he'll be ok...juz a few weeks ago he undergo an op due to appendix...

N juz yest, i read that azie's grandfather passed away...n i guess all these juz set me thinking, life is really damn short...it can go away at any moment...damn i got to start enjoying it...

Vacant...

2005-04-08T14:34:00.001+08:00

Vacant...

I suddenly find this place insignificant and useless....hmmm...mebi im juz very pissed off at the moment...y cant some ppl juz use their brains once in a while...it doesnt hurt u noe...

If i evert meet u again, i will not hesitate to show u how angry i am...dun go ard saying u miss ur children wen u can easily abandon dem wif no food or money....u dun deserve the joy of havin children! u dun deserve the joy of being a father! u dun deserve the joy at all!!!!!!!!

Vacant...

2005-04-08T14:34:00.000+08:00

Vacant...

Titles...

2005-04-03T16:21:00.000+08:00

Titles...

I need help...help wif giving my babies(songs) good titles coz i always seem to fail hahaha...Wen do i regard the titles as failures...? Hmm...i guess wen ppl start calling dem other things haha Let me state down wat has happen to the titles n mebi den u'll get an idea of wat i mean....

I'll juz state dem in order of my memory n not by day of completion...

Why can't i have you-
this become into a short "why" but i lyk the new title, kinda gd to me...

Halfway Down The Line-
This has two nickname, the mocking one is "lagu penat" this means, tiring song. I guess my ex band members call it tat due to it being a fast paced 5 minutes long song which requires alot of fast strumming...i admit my muscles do get tired wen playing it sumtyms...Now tho, pple jzu call it "Halfway" haha i guess short is better huh? haha

I wonder-
this become the "blue, blue sky" song...n u noe who gave it? My OWN mum hahaha she lyks it but din rmb its name so she calls it tat coz its in one of the lines hahahaha

The break up song-
this is another song tat is nicknamed from its lyrics...U noe wat its called? "Fly Jump" sheesh damn unfitting name man hahaha

B.I.H.M-
this acronym stands for Burn In Hell Mothefucka but im not sure exactly y but sum how my ex band mates remember it as the "HIV" song...so juz for laffs, i renamed it Destination H.I.V(Destination-hell in vision)

Wasted love-
this is one song tat i noe will seldom be played. The 1st song i ever wrote...Its nicknamed "lagu jiwang" haha which means erm emo/romantic song in malay...but im not sure ah coz u all noe rite my malay very bad haha but the funny thing is sumone actually said this was a perfect song haha wun say hu lah, coz i really dun lyk it called tat...nothing is perfect but things can be wasted hahaha

For now, this is all that i can actually remember...but i admit my other songs dun really have good titles n some dun even have a title...hmmm let me juz list dem out so u all get an idea(all my songs-complete/imcomplete, even those mentioned above)

Wasted Love
Moderation
Halfway
Why
Missive
The break up song
I wonder
Retrospect
Lies Of Reality
Brothers
Destination H.I.V
Life's lyk this
I hope its not too late
Down N Out
Love is Blind
Where are you
Biography of me
Remember how i fell

tats all for now...Not very good titles rite...btw, there's a few others tat havent got titles yer...so i duno how to put them here...so if any of u think u can help me, pls do coz i really think i need all the help i can get hahaha

Happy birthday...

2005-04-02T20:06:00.000+08:00

Happy Birthday

@nd April, today happen to be my mum birthday, coincidently, its Maryam's dad birthday too...So juz to take the chance to wish both of them a very happy birthday...Tho i dun really noe Maryam's dad that well....

Aniways, i really dun have any idea of wat i shd buy for my mum so i decided to be nice for her as a present...haha seriuzly...for the whole of today i've been nice and wished her happy birthday the first thing this morning. And also, as part of the present, i din pull any april's fools joke the whole of yesterday haha no i din forget, juz decided to be nice to my mum....n to others....once in a yr must take a break from disturbing others hehehe...

So yah...aniways...to mum, i appreciate all that u have done for me, all ur sacrifices, ur blood, ur sweat, ur tears, ur care n ur effort. As from a few lines from my latest incomplete song-

"And im sorry mum, for i cld never be the child that u want..."

"And im sorry mum, for the many things that i shd have said..."

"And im grateful mum, for all the love and care that u ever shown...."

I noe some of u may think wat i said is corny ot smth but i duno how else to say it n so yah....

so to mum,

THANK YOU, I LOVE U.....

Tired

2005-03-31T12:16:00.000+08:00

Tired

In life, there seem to be so many question that we, as human, want answers to. Questions about the future, the past, our love, our luck, our fate. No matter how many different ways we can phrase them in, they're still the same old few questions. Even i always ask myself those questions. And when the desire for the answers become too much to handle, i turn to my frens and vice versa. But lately, even though i still want those answers, im gettin tired of searching for them or answering them for my frens.

Dun get me wrong here, it's not that i dowan 2 help my frens or myself for tat matter, its juz tat my mind been kinda blank lately...In fact, i notice that nowadays, i seldom seem to be able to help my frens wif those question...mebi coz im afraid to answer those questions. Or mebi im a fraid of onli one of those question.

Yah tats it, onli one. But one that can be phrased in so many different ways. And that question is, "What do i do after this?" This can be rephrased according to my moods...For example, "How do i go on?", "What's gonna happen after this?", "Where do i go after this?", "Can i really go on?" "Can i survive adulthood(or whateva age that comes after this)?" Honestly, im really afraid of this question. Y? Coz i can never seem to answer it. Yet im still ard....thats the problem. Even though i have answer the question so many tyms, i never seem to be able to remember how i did it. But i do have one theory, and that is my frens.

Yup, i've got to hand the credit to my frens for helping me get thru life so far...but i still fear that one question. Coz now, i realise, i dun have that many frens anymore.

I miss those days wen i always go out in big grps. And ppl always calling my hp for chats or juz do some catching up....yah sure i got scoldings from my mum coz of the high fone bill, so i got a hp wif free incoming calls and the chats continued and so did my frenship to so mny ppl....

But den what happened? I really duno....suddenly, what used to be a luxury to me now seem so scarce. i've lost contact wif so many of my frens or became distant to those who were close to me once...so what happened? Did i chg? Have i become so bad that it seems hard for me to hold on to my frens? I duno....but i wish i have the answers....

And even wif the small number of frens tat i have now, it seem that its gonna get smaller coz they're fighting amg themselves for stupid reasons....Everywhr i turn i see arguments n fights n lies....What is this world comin too....?

And now, i still have that free incomin calls hp line but my hp hardly makes anysound at all. N to be truthful, it worries me sometmys. So much so that sometyms for no reason, i will juz start playing my ring tones so that i noe my fone is still working...haha U noe wat, the onli person who seem to want to call me nowdays is fizah...and hamimah asked me to take down her number...she din even get the hint tat i gave tat said i din want it...she juz went ahead n stored it in my phonebk...haha wonder wat's lyf is comin to....

Crazy....

2005-03-26T23:31:00.000+08:00

Crazy...

Earlier today, while walking towards the mrt from school, jy asked me why i kept quiet. At that moment to avoid confusion i answered that i dun really find talking about computers fun coz the rest was joking ard abt the sch's PCs. Well the real reason was coz i was deep in thought. I was thinking about my cuzins.

I think its tym i introduced my cuzins. Firstly, the oldest, who is my age, Firdaus. He is now in the army serving NS.

The 2nd who's 20 at the end of this yr, is Farhana. She's currently gg thru a divorce and planning to get married with another guy. She's a proud mother of two boys the 2nd juz born a few days ago.

The 3rd, Fahmi. He's currently serving probation for stealing a laptop in a boys home. He's also schling in ITE Geylang at the moment.

The 4th, Fitri who is 15 this yr. Schling in Ahmad Ibrahim sec at the moment in sec 3 normal academic.

The 5th sibling, Fairuz. A 14 yr old gal who is repeating her sec 1.

The 6th, Farhan. 13 yr old boy taking his PSLE for the 2nd tym.

From what i state above ppl mite be wondering why am i humiliating them this way? The answer is im NOT. In fact, im very proud of them. Only god knows how they're holding up. Let me explain.

Firstly, their parents have left them. But its not lyk they really took care of their children when they were ard anyway. Their parents are divorced. N both are now married to new ppl. The thing is, at first, their dad took dem in after the divorce. But he abandon them after he got married to this indonesian women. He left them no money, no food and no education. Not even a roof coz he din pay the bills and all so their hse is gg to be taken away end of april. So Firdaus have to rent a hse from HDB with his NS wage of abt 400 bucks so that his siblings have a roof. Oh yah, he oso has to chip in for the hsehold expenses lyk food n stuff. Did i mention he is still 21?

So wat happen to their mum u may ask? Well she got married to another guy and moved in wif him. And the kids cant stay wif her coz her new husband's mum dun lyk children. And it doesnt seem to bother her at all tat her children have no food to eat and hardly a roof to stay under. In fact, for the past few mths, my mum have been begging for donations from social welfare organization for them. Plus also chipping in some money. So my mum give the money to my cuzin n guess wat? Their mum will force dem to give her the money so she can give to another guy wif whom she's is having an affair wif behind her new husband back. WHAT A SLUT!!!

And Fahmi, he stole the laptop rite. U noe y? Coz Farhana was cheated by her husband who is missing and wanted by the banks for debts n police. U see, she has no money to support her son. N her dad dun even bother to give her cash to buy milk n stuff even though he is earning some income thru a small business. N u noe y? Coz he is keeping that money so that he can run off to indonesia or wherever wif his new wife. So feeling so stressed up that his nephew has no milk n no food, Fahmi stole the laptop n sold it at a very low price so that he cld give his sister some cash. I noe wat he did was wrong but look at his living condition, i dun blame him. Ppl do stupid things wen they r desperate.

And so wif their parents gone, n Firdaus in NS and Fahmi in boys home, Fitri and Farhana have to take the responsibilty of taking care of their two younger children n Farhana's two sons. N at 15, imagine the stress he's gg thru. Balancing being a teenager, sch n being a father. I really duno how he does it.

I came over their hse today to see my newborn nephew who is named Iman. he is juz 3 days old. Very small n cute. Im surprised at how small he is coz his bro, Daniel, is tall n big for a 2 yr old. Anyways, i came to see him but i saw smth else too. I saw smth resemblong a hse with no furniture with the exception of 3 beds n several chairs which look lyk the picked up from the void deck. The kitchen hardly had any food. And the tv is a damn old set which tym maybe up soon. Yet despite all this, when i came, i was greeted by Farhan wif a huge smile on his face. Y? Coz he was excited tat finally, he has visitors comin to his humble haven who r not asking for debts.

N this really sadden me. But it also made me respect them more. Despite everything tats happening, the still stick together as a family. The r loyal to each other. I dun see this much unity between most siblings. Especially in broken homes. And for this i respect them.

And the reason y i blogged abt them today is coz to me, this is a tribute to them. A tribute to their courage. A tribute to their maturity which quickly took over them when they were abondoned so easily by their parents. And i hope one day, i can write a song abt them, abt their courage. To me, this wld be the greatest gift i can give dem coz music is one of my strength.

But for now, im juz gona blog a song from simple plan which always remind me of them. N to all my frens, if u'r feeling down n lost, take my cuzins as examples. Pls, be inspired by their courage. If they can do it, so can the rest of us. So to Firdaus, Farhana, Fahmi, Fitri, Fairuz, Farhan, Daniel and new born Iman, This song is for u. N trust me, u guys will always have my respect, love n support.

Crazy by Simple Plan

Tell me what’s wrong with society
When everywhere I look I see
Young girls dying to be on TV
Won’t stop till they’ve reached their dreams

Diet pills, surgery
Photo shop pictures in magazines
Telling them how they should be
It doesn’t make sense to me

Is everybody going crazy
Is anybody gonna save me
Can anybody tell me what’s going on
Tell me what’s going on
If you open your eyes
You’ll see that something is wrong

I guess things aren’t how they used to be
There’s no more normal families
Parents act like enemies
Making kids feel like it’s World War 3

No one cares, no one’s there
I guess we’re all just too damn busy
And money’s our first priority
It doesn’t make sense to me

Is everybody going crazy
Is anybody gonna save me
Can anybody tell me what’s going on
Tell me what’s going on
If you open your eyes
You’ll see that something is wrong

Is everybody going crazy
Is everybody going crazy

Tell me what’s wrong with society
When everywhere I look I see
Rich guys driving big SUV’s
When kids are starving in the streets

No one cares
No one likes to share

Good Friday...

2005-03-25T23:33:00.000+08:00

Good Friday...

Today is gd friday...yah its a holiday...usually the day before i wld call up frens to make plans to go out...or vice versa...but not today...i duno wat happened to me...i guess i juz miss my granny....

Lately i've been spending alot of tym in sch or at home or the hospital...so its been weeks since i visited my grandma...so since today was a holiday, i decided to go to my granny's hse...alone. My granny lives together wif my aunt n her husband n 3 sons...i use to be close to them...so close tat some even joke tat im my aunt's eldest son...but den poly came...n i became bz...so only go there once a week...no more sleeping over there...den my father had an accident 2 mths ago...n since den, i've yet to go there till juz now...kinda miss dem all...n had some private tym wif my grandma...it was so awkward...use to be able to tok lots to her...but since her stroke, i duno wat 2 say...juz not used to her not being able to answer...n i now how much it frustrates her wen i dun understand her gesture so i juz keep quiet n tried to smile alot...I guess how she greeted me shows how long i have not visited her...she kept on holding my hand....kept pressing my fingers...

Juz feel so sad...i miss her voice...i miss the tyms wen she told me stories abt the good old days...humiliating stories abt my aunts n uncles...ppl used to say i was one of her favourites...i duno y...i hardly tok to her...i juz listen alot...but i do really miss those days...sometyms i even feel lyk crying coz i really feel sad for her....u see, she's use to be a very active person...always doin work n wanting to go out on holidays...to see the world...n now, she cant even walk or talk...

I still remember how it was wen she juz had her stroke...me n fadhly often slpt over in the hospital wenever we cld to take care of her...even if we were tired...i still feel the sadness wen she hold on to my hand before she go to slp...as if wanting mto make sure sumone is there...i duno how true this is but according to my aunt n uncle, wen i come, she will open her eys n smile(she's always tired n usually close her eyes even wen ppl r there, only certain ppl will make her open her eyes)...but i do noe tat wen i come n shake her hand to show respect, she will hold on to my hand for a very long tym....n to be honest, i dun lyk it...Dun get me wrong, its not tat i dun lyk her, i juz dun lyk to see her tat way...coz everytym i do, i feel her sadness, i feel her pain...n its painful...so painful tat tears are actually rolling down noe....i regret not spending much tym wif her wen she cld still walk n talk...i guess shyness is juz something i have to throw away totally...

Yah, as hard as it is to believe it, the reason y i seldom talk to her is coz i was a shy boy...only wen i grew older did i start talking to her...but by den i was bz wif work sch or my band...i juz miss her voice....

I guess tat y i turn to music...its the only way i can push away reality n be happy...its also the only way i can actually express myself...mebi tats y i love music so much...wen i was at my granny's hse juz now, my other aunt came over n ask wen i cld teach her son to play the guitar...usually i wld have turn down coz i dun lyk her...but i cldnt...i love music too much...i dun mind teaching her son...i noe he is oso irritating n all, but seriuzly, i juz love music...after him, i still got my other younger cuzin to teach, kak suhana n my own sis...n oh yah kenny...so 5 students...haha but i wonder, am i qualified??? haha doesnt matter to me, i'll juz teach dem wat i noe...n sumhow i dun tink my effort will go to waste...coz i have ex students to prove it...haha i juz feel very happy tat ppl appreciate the stuff i teach dem...i guess im talking abt Roma, my ex band mate...he was interested in learning the guitar n i juz started learning...but wif the little knowledge i knew, i offere to teach him...n he gladly accepted...so i taught him the basics of guitar. n i din tink much abt it after he cld start playing. Till july 24th 2004...yah it was the day i performed at far east...

He came down wif me n my band n while i was registering some stuff, he actually told fadhly tat i was his teacher n he is still grateful tat i taught him...he kept on saying he wldnt be able to play if i hadnt taught him, no matter how little i did...

I guess music do give me satisfaction...n bein able to spread it by playing n teachin ppl is really a joy for me....

Simple Plan...

2005-03-24T23:52:00.000+08:00

Simple Plan...

Duno why now start listening to simple plan...i tink they really got issues wif their parents...the song they write...sheesh...niways, i juz one to show u guys this one song title thank u....they r refering to gal here i tink but trust me, im not thinking of any gals wen i listen to this song...i guess the words kinda remind me of sumone...haha no need to mention names...juz trust me its not a gal hahaha...

Thank You by Simple Plan

I thought that I could always count on you,
I thought that nothing could become between us two.
We said as long as we would stick together,
We’d be alright,
We’d be ok.
But I was stupid
And you broke me down
I’ll never be the same again.

So thank you for showing me,
That best friends can not be trusted,
And thank you for lying to me,
Your friendship and good times we had you can have them back

Yeah!

I wonder why it always has to hurt,
For every blessing that you have to learn.
I won’t forget what you did to me,
How you showed me things,
I wish I’d never seen.
But I was stupid,
And you broke me down,
I’ll never be the same again.

So thank you for showing me,
That best friends can not be trusted,
And thank you for lying to me,
Your friendship the good times we had you can have them back

When the tables turn again,
You’ll remember me my friend,
You’ll be wishing I was there for you.
I’ll be the one you’ll miss the most,
But you’ll only find my ghost.
As time goes by,
You’ll wonder why,
You’re all alone.

So thank you for showing me,
That best friends can not be trusted,
And thank you for lying to me,
Your friendship and good times we had you can have them back.

So thank you, for lying to me,
So thank you, for all the times you let me down
So thank you, for lying to me,
So thank you, your friendship you can have it back

Tapestry memories.....

2005-03-18T23:31:00.000+08:00

Tapestry memories.....

Was juz surfing thru www.audioreload.com when i came across smth i din notice before....it really made me happy...even my fever cldnt stop me from being so happy....this is wat i found...

I guess its proof for me that i've actually performed.And just in case u ppl duno my band name, i highlighted it haha. Maybe a kind of motivation for me to continue....i mean, to be honest, i tink tat my band now is juz so much better. I feel tat we r juz so much more well equipped now...juz hope that we can work harder to complete our current batch of songs and join another simmilar gig for beginners lyk us....i oso hope our plans for a demo will not juz go poof...i guess i juz have to be patient...

Niways, i brought along my so called 'new' guitar to sch yest and reaction by some ppl kinda surprised me....ppl hu dun usually show interest in playing the guitar suddenly ask if they cld try playing it...haha...ppl lyk yu cheng, geannie, jiang yong and even (wait, better not be eating before u read this part, scared u all choke) FIZAH. haha kinda shocking ah...hmm....n guess wat, hamimah 1 me 2 teach her how to play! Damn sueh! haha...but after she said tat she took it back. Her reason, those who play guitar will end up wif rough fingers n she dowan rough fingers!!! hahaha thank god for rough fingers hahaha...

Well, i guess music really do relaxes ppl...for me, im juz so in love wif it...i duno y...juz lyk it so much...mebi tat y wen i saw the list this morning, i suddenly became very happy...i miss performing, i miss the reaction from the crowd wen they lyk my music, i miss the rush i get wen i perform and most of all, i miss making my parents proud....its no secret tat they dun approve of wat i do but somehow they seem proud to aknowledge it to everyone tat i onced perform in a place lyk Far East Plaza...i guess music is the onli way i can make dem proud...

For those who din noe, my band was actually selected for two gigs and not juz one...the other was suppose to be outside somerset mrt but it was called off coz the organizers cldnt get approval from the LTA to go on wif it...STUPID LTA haha...but the funny thing is tat i found the schedulu at audioreload too...this is the one that wasnt meant to be...

hmm...till today, i cant believe tat i actually got to perform at far east plaza...we actually had to go for auditions to get the gig...n i was more nervous at the auditions den at the performance itself...duno y...well...i juz hope i cld do it again....IM JUZ SO HAPPY TODAY hahaha...

So lost and disillusioned

2005-03-14T20:45:00.000+08:00

So lost and disillusioned

Instead of writing a whole song today, i think im juz gona write parts of the song....they're basically lyrics from blink, mxpx n myself...

Where are you and I'm so sorry
I cannot sleep I cannot dream tonight...

I'm so lost
I'm barely here
I wish I could explain myself
But words escape me...

I need the glow of,
Your darling face
Accept this crown of love,
And live in grace
I need the colors,
Painted in your mind
Your beauty and your brilliance,
So hard to find...

You make me smile
You make me sing
You make me scream
You make me, everything
You make me, me...

So don't walk away,
Don't turn your back,
If you leave today,
My whole world would turn black...

The drops of rain they fall all over
This awkward silence makes me crazy
The glow inside burns light upon her...

Your laughter always seem to make me smile,
I wish that I could do the same for you...

Look to the past
And remember her smile
And maybe tonight
I can breathe for awhile
I'm not in the seat
I think I'm fallin' asleep
But then all that it means is
I'll always be dreaming of you....

Sick....

2005-03-11T23:48:00.000+08:00

Sick....

I got a confession to make...the truth is, i feel tat i no longer have the will to go on wif lyf...im sick of sch, im sick of home, im sick of pretty much, lyf. Been feeling lyk this since juz a few days my dad had the motor accident...n i really feel sick...its really hard for me to go on...n i have to say things r getting kinda worst...i duno wats wrong...mebi coz i feel tat my lyf is gg no whr...other den music, im pretty much aimless....n can i really make it wif music? well my parents dun tink so...i can see tat from their false support...my frens? i duno...not very sure anymore...mebi they're juz bein nice coz they're my frens...n my bandmates? hmm...dun look lyk they really put in effort...so if it fail, i pretty much ery aimless....n wat am i doin in nyp??? its not lyk i hae any interest in computers...haiz....wish there was sumone to guide me along......sumhow this song juz remind of my lyf...i tink...

Im juz a kid by Simple Plan

I woke up it was 7
I waited til 11
Just to figure out that no one would call
I think I've got alot of friends
But I don't hear from them
What's another night all alone
When you're spending every day on your own
And here it goes

I'm just a kid
And life is a nightmare
I'm just a kid
I know that it's not fair
Nobody cares cuz I'm alone and the world is having more fun than me

And maybe when the night is dead
I'll crawl into my bed staring at these 4 walls again
I'll try to think about the last time I had a good time
Everyone's got somewhere to go & they're gonna leave me here on my own
And here it goes

I'm just a kid
And life is a nightmare
I'm just a kid
I know that it's not fair
Nobody cares cuz I'm alone and the world is having more fun than me

What the fuck is wrong with me
Don't fit in with anybody
How did this happen to me?
Wide awake I'm bored & I can't fall asleep
And every night is the worst night ever

I'm just a kid
I'm just a kid
I'm just a kid
I'm just a kid
I'm just a kid

I'm just a kid
And life is a nightmare
I'm just a kid
I know that it's not fair
Nobody cares cuz I'm alone and the world is
Nobody wants to be alone in the world

I'm just a kid
And life is a nightmare
I'm just a kid
I know that it's not fair
Nobody cares cuz I'm alone and the world is
Nobody wants to be alone in the world
Nobody cares cuz I'm alone and the world is having more fun than me tonight
I'm all alone tonight
Nobody cares tonight
Cuz I'm just a kid tonight

First day of the rest of my life...

2005-03-07T12:34:00.000+08:00

First day of the rest of my life...

A few days ago my classmate, sam, said i havent been myself the whole of last week...i duno y...n it started me thinking, who am i exactly....? And to be truthful, the only conclusion i can come up with is that im an indecisive fool who have been making lots of wrong decisions lately...decisions that, im have to admit, have left me sad n unhappy...but not angry...but i dun blame the ppl who are affected by my decisions n to be honest, even if i do blame others, i cant coz wat ever i do, its my decision. But the point is, i dun blame anyone but myself...

I went home from sch early today to study for a test. And i will study later, now i just need to let some of my tots out...i came home today wif lots on my mind. And the moment i reach home, i got some bad news. The doctors found out tat there's a new fracture in my dad's ankle. And starting tmr, he has to go to the hospital everyday till god noes wen...i duno how my mum is gona manage during the week days wen i have to go to sch...luckily tmr fadhly has no sch n i ask him for a favour to follow my mum tmr. I really dun lyk bothering ppl wif this but i got no choice...sometyms i juz wish my mum cld rely on someone who is responsible...sadly all she have now is me...i wish i cld do more for her...y stop there? I wish i cld do more for my frens...

"When there's nowhere else to hide,
When there's no one left to stand beside,
When everthing seems wrong,
I've been with you all along

When what's left is all you really know,
And nowhere's where you want to go
When they treat you like you don't belong,
I've been with you all along"

This two verse is from a song by MxPx titled The Capitol. Frankly speaking, i wish tat i cld say that i do this for my frens...but somehow i dont tink i can...i do try but i dun tink i have...especially for the ones tat i care for very much...

Recently, i've been listening to MxPx album "Before everything after" alot. Somehow the album really makes me think alot abt my lyf...mebi its coz plus the fact tat i have been making many wrong decisions lately...i duno lah...

A few days back, i saw a scene tat really made me sad...i cant really explain y but i really felt very down at that moment...so down tat on the spur of the moment i decided to skip french...and for no reason, i juz call up one of my old frens, kathir, and ask if he cld 'slack' wif me for a while...n to my surprise, he came down...n we smoked and did some catching up n tok abt the old days...the old days wen we used to hang out together along wif hadi, yazid and dexian. Always slacking n playing soccer together...

In fact, i realise tat i really miss those days...i miss those tyms wen i cld slack for hours wif my diff grps of frens...kathir n gang...farhan n the gang...fazli "beng" n the gang...n now i realise tat i've been in so many different grps of frens n i wonder y...it really makes me wonder y i dun really have a grp of frens who r still together now. Is it coz of me? Do i drive ppl away? Lets not tok abt a grp...lets tok abt a close fren...i mean first there was Su, we were really close back then...n now, i hardly noe her. N till today, i still feel guilty for being so blind. I mean, we were toking every single nite...n i wasnt the one hu called her...i shd have seen it...we tok nearly everynite for 2 yrs...i was so stupid not to see wat she wanted...n till today i still rmd how she juz burst out crying wen i told her i juz got attached wif sumone....I AM SO STUPID!

I juz feel so guilty for doin tat, after all, she helped me alot during my sec 1 n 2 days...i guess she's the one who i must thank for stoping me getting involved wif bad company.

I guess i did have many frens who were close to me at one point of tym. Diyana, niz, shamsiah, lisa, asri, joanne, maryam, na'im...these ppl, at different point of tym, were very close to me n knew alot abt me. I guess they juz can understand me very well...yet...i dun even contact most of them anymore. n i really hope tat this doesnt continue coz it seems like its gona happen again...

"Some say that time changes, best friends can become strangers
But I don't want that, no not for you
If you just stay with me we can make it through"

Got this verse from a good charlotte titled 'Say Anything'. Guess its very true...but i oso noe i cant have everything tat i want...

Im starting to miss my old life...i miss hanging out wif my old frens...i miss those tyms wen i din have so much worries...i miss my cuzins...i miss my nephews n niece...i miss my grandmother, she cant tok anymore...i miss her, i miss toking to her, i miss laffing wif her, i miss her smile, i miss hanging out wif her, i guess i miss being her fren.....

First day of the rest of your life By MxPx

Not a lot right now makes sense to me
And it won’t go quietly
Not a lot right now makes sense to me
And it won’t sit patiently

I’m gonna chase my dreams and catch up to them
I’m gonna find you some how, some way, somewhere, some day

First day of the rest of our lives, I miss you already
Last time I saw that look in your eyes, I miss you already
First day of the rest of our lives, I miss you already
Last time I saw that look in your eyes, I miss you already

I don’t want to spend the rest of my life alone
Where’s life taking me?
I don’t want to spend the rest of my life alone
Always traveling

I’m gonna chase my dreams and catch up to them
I’m gonna find you some how, some way, somewhere, some day

First day of the rest of our lives, I miss you already
Last time I saw that look in your eyes, I miss you already
First day of the rest of our lives, I miss you already
Last time I saw that look in your eyes, I miss you already

I wanna love my job
I wanna love my life
But most of all, I wanna fall in love

First day of the rest of our lives, I miss you already
Last time I saw that look in your eyes, I miss you already
First day of the rest of our lives, I miss you already
Last time I saw that look in your eyes, I miss you already